Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Realistic

12+

(Obsesive)(OBsessive) Obessive (CoMpulsive)(coompulsive) Compulsive...

by mephistophelesangel


ObsesiveOBsessive Obessive  ComPulsive compulsive Compulsive...

....

It’s not about disliking a messy desk,

Or washing your hands twice after you use the toilet,

Or disliking it when a piece of a whole is out of place.

It’s about taking ten minutes to turn off a light switch

Standing there in the dark, eyes wide

Pressing down on the light switch

Because you “don’t” “know” “if” “it’s” “off”

And even as your eyes “look” into the “darkness”

And your brain whispers, “that” “light” “is” “off”

“But”

“Is it”

“Really”?

It’s about walking around and around a kitchen

After you’ve been done cooking for half an hour

“Checking” the stove

“Pushing” “on” “the” refrigerator doors

“Running” “a” “hand” “over” the smooth table

“Pressing” “on” the light switch

And even as your eyes “take” “in” the “perfectly” “organized” kitchen

And your brain whispers, “the” “stove” “is” “off”

“And” “the” “refrigerator” “is” “shut”

“The” “table” “is” “clean”

“And” “the” “lights” “are” “off”

“But”

“Is it”

“Really?”

It’s about lying on the bed

Forcing yourself to not check the lights around the house

For the eleventh time

And even as you tell yourself

“What” “you’re” “feeling” “thinking” “seeing” “hearing”

“Is” “real”

Your brain whispers

“But”

“Is it”

“Really?”


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
200 Reviews


Points: 84
Reviews: 200

Donate
Sat Jan 14, 2017 1:50 am
Ely says...



As an obsessive compulsive myself, the title really bothers me. Pretty great poem.




User avatar
594 Reviews


Points: 6831
Reviews: 594

Donate
Wed Jan 11, 2017 5:34 am
View Likes
Crysi wrote a review...



What? Crysi is writing a review? Inconceivable!

In all seriousness, I clicked on this because a) I'm always interested in mental illness stuff and b) the title was really intriguing. Having a background in psychology, I am aware that the TV portrayals of OCD are way off. It's not about being a "germaphobe" or "neat freak." It's your brain obsessing, literally forcing intruding and repetitive thoughts constantly into your head, and then having to check things over and over or do rituals over and over because your brain is never satisfied.

So, with that said...

I'm with niteowl on the title. If it's not a typo, I'd really like to see it spelled correctly because I think it would go better with the "constant checking" theme of the piece.

I'm also with niteowl on the repetition of "disliking." It's too close together and doesn't add anything.

But. Wow. I might be in the minority here, but I LOVE the quotation marks. To me, it added an emphasis on and pause after each word. With the light switch, I could easily imagine flipping the switch on and off with each word. Every time you framed words with quotation marks, I felt like the action was being done. The one set I might change is for the table - it was hard to imagine that one with quick, short moves. I'd probably change it to "Running a" "hand over" OR "Running" "a" "cloth" "over." The table is described as smooth, and to me running a hand over a smooth surface is a slower action. But if you use a cloth, that could be a quick wipe, which is a nice contrast to the smooth definition.

I adore the ending. I actually got chills, to be honest. I think it's a great way to end the piece. Lying in bed, the thoughts still intruding, and continuing the pattern.

Overall? Loved it. I do not personally have OCD, but this poem felt like a glimpse into that world. It has a bit of anxiety attached to it with the short lines, which is perfect because OCD is tied in with anxiety. It gives the reader more than words or even description - I could almost feel each action, and truth be told my own anxiety started up lol. Anyway, great job. Looking forward to more :)




Random avatar

Points: 43
Reviews: 6

Donate
Tue Jan 10, 2017 4:48 pm
insane wrote a review...



Hello! A really powerful piece! It`s interesting to have an insight to what it`s like to have OCD.
Generally I enjoyed how the poem read, however I agree with @niteowl that the quotation marks are distracting, from the words.



“Pushing” “on” “the” refrigerator doors

In this line the quotation marks on "on" and "the" make the line feel a bit heavy, I think I understand the intended affect however it didn`t quite work. Like @niteowl try using different punctuation to achieve the same affect!
Ignoring the quotation marks, the way you write is quite extraordinary, how easily you allow someone to see the world through someone else`s eyes is quite mind-blowing! You create really empathy without making the reader feel manipulated into feeling that way!

Overall it`s a really good piece and I hope you find this helpful !




User avatar
10 Reviews


Points: 211
Reviews: 10

Donate
Mon Jan 09, 2017 11:17 am
View Likes
maisewriting wrote a review...



I love this so so much, it really captivates exactly what OCD is and more importantly, what it isn't. I can't really critique this because it's so close to me, but I'd like to mention that I love the use of the quotation marks, I'm not sure what it is but it's got that OCD feel, you know? I know what you mean by them even though I can't really articulate it.




User avatar
26 Reviews


Points: 560
Reviews: 26

Donate
Mon Jan 09, 2017 8:02 am
alexblackwell wrote a review...



It is an interesting poem. Now I do feel I have an OCD about certain things. It is at times scary about how perfect I want certain thinks to be. The knob on my stove is not perfectly aligned because I have checked and rechecked it hundreds of time.
I don't really understand the use of air qoutes " " after every word in few lines, it distrupts the flow of reading, otherwise I like the poem. It is an interesting read.
Cheers!!!
Alex Blackwell




User avatar
1062 Reviews


Points: 19978
Reviews: 1062

Donate
Mon Jan 09, 2017 2:18 am
niteowl wrote a review...



Hi there, mephistophelesangel! Niteowl here to review this interesting poem.

Overall, I like the message here, and I think your word choice works really well. My main criticism is with the presentation.

First, I'm going to get what might be a really dumb comment out of the way: Did you mean to misspell the final version of "obsessive" as "obessive" in the title? "Compulsive" appears to be spelled correctly, so I'm honestly not sure if this was intentional or not.

Or disliking it when a piece of a whole is out of place.


I dislike (heh) the repetition of "dislike" here so close to the "dislike" in the first line. I would suggest rewording it, maybe to "Or liking everything to have its place."

Now, back to my main criticism-I don't think the constant quotation marks are really working here. I feel like its overdone to the point that the intended emphasis is completely lost. I think they could work in combination with other tools such as italics and line breaks (like what you did with "but is it really?"). I'll mess around with part of it to see if it actually looks better.

Pressing down on the light switch

Because you don’t know if it’s "off"

And even as your eyes look into the darkness

And your brain whispers, that light is off

But

Is it

Really?


Again, this is just a suggestion, but right now I feel like the quotation marks are overpowering the words, so I would try to work on that.

Overall, this has a powerful message. Keep writing! :D




User avatar
33 Reviews


Points: 248
Reviews: 33

Donate
Sun Jan 08, 2017 7:56 pm
Sheyren says...



So true. So, so true.




Sheyren says...


I am so sorry, my phone glitched and reposted that there times.



Sheyren says...


Three*





No worries, thanks for the comment!



ElectraHeart says...


Honestly, I think this comment goes with this poem...
Like it fits very nicely.



User avatar
33 Reviews


Points: 248
Reviews: 33

Donate
Sun Jan 08, 2017 7:55 pm
Sheyren says...



So true. So, so true.




User avatar
33 Reviews


Points: 248
Reviews: 33

Donate
Sun Jan 08, 2017 7:55 pm
Sheyren says...



So true. So, so true.





It is better to take what does not belong to you than to let it lie around neglected.
— Mark Twain