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125,028 Literary Works • 672,774 Reviews
What a unique poem! It's very pleasant to read and I think everyone can relate to feeling different somehow, not wanting to bend or adhere to what other people are doing around us. You've portrayed that sense of rebelliousness and independence that set some people apart from the rest. It's a good lesson for everyone to learn that people should be allowed to embrace what makes them who they are and I like how you showed this through the imagery you used.
that's how i took it anyway. so maybe to fit in to the theme of independence, find a way to say that the rose will bloom when it wants to and how it wants to rather than not at all. it would show the power of being in charge of your own path if that's what you're going for. just a suggestion since you asked. have a nice day!
The lines "it is not that i despise the warmth / only the place that it comes from" is so spot on because it brings it back to that theme of rebellion. Warmth is good, it's just not for you, you know what you like and you're not going back on that. to say "only the place that it comes from" leaves me feeling that the warm feeling that's intended to feel good as it does for your friends who are turning to the light, doesn't in your case possibly because it's being forced upon you against what you prefer. The lines following explain that nicely as you go into just what it is that brings you a feeling of comfort the way the light does for others.
"against the elements, i sharpen my amaranthine thorns" that sounds like a beautiful line for a tattoo! or a song lyric. really well done thanks for sharing it.
oh i almost forgot, as for the last line: maybe for the conclusion you can indicate the rose blooming on its own time. to go back to the line "only the place that it comes from", that indicates that you don't like so much being controlled. possibly
Wow, this is a wonderful poem! The rhyming scheme is amazing, by the way, I love your username. Anyway, you can ignore what I’m about to point out if you don’t want to concentrate on these.
So, let’s began.
In the first line, there should be a comma after the second line, and you should capitalise ‘i’
And you’re using very less commas, (I love commas). And I noticed you haven’t capitalised all the ‘i’.
Anyway, I like how the rose wants to be different, but I think it hasn’t learned science yet, because, the title says it all, photosynthesis. I didn’t really understand the third stanza, when it said, “only the place where it comes from”
So, I’m not going to point out EVERY sentence where there is no comma or capital i.
Anyway, I loved this otherwise, it’s kinda unique, I was expecting a poem about photosynthesis when I read the title, but was pleasantly surprised! Keep writing! Bye!
This is so good! <3 If I have time I will review it c: