Fetsu,
I know there is no chance you received my last letter, much less replied to it, but I am sending another. I miss having intelligent conversation daily. I believe we’ll be called for a meeting soon.
I am taking this opportunity to observe the nymphs. I’ve noticed a rotation of plants. I haven’t noticed a pattern yet, but they’re definitely not the same as they were at breakfast time. The trees are much taller, reminding me of the legends of our race before we left the forests. The nymphs are mysterious beings, and I haven’t learned much more. I will keep an eye on the tall trees and see where they go.
In other news, Pylune mortified me when Maya came to chat. Now she’s walking around with this silly dwarven braid like she’s done something she should be proud of.
Mentioning Maya, she has gotten so old. I never really become aware of time until someone near to me shows age. I am afraid Maya doesn’t have much time left. It’s a good thing we haven’t had too much time together. It means there’s been peace, but I can’t help but wish I could have seen her more often. Now we can barely connect. Even though we’re close to the same age, I feel like a child listening to an elder.
Oh, there are the bells now. As I predicted, the games are about to begin. I will write yet another letter to tell you how it went.
Wish me luck,
Edon
.
Edon only wasted a glance on the boy, studying the men sitting behind him to see their reactions. Advisers and rulers in a new relationship were always easy to read. He could already tell that there were too many. Five sat behind Augnik, all nervously fidgeting except for one straight faced man, who didn’t even seem bothered by the adviser jiggling his leg nonstop beside him.
The room fell quiet again as the King (technically still in waiting) tugged at his collar. “Um… I would say-” He broke off when his voice cracked and looked down at the table. “I thought this was a problem purely of national consequence, but the nomads…” He trailed off again, glance at Maya worriedly. The mountain peaks were a contested area between the sun dwarves and human nomads, two outcasts of different societies.
Maya, to her credit, said nothing, though a few of her sons glowered.
Clearing his throat, the Augnik boy continued, eyes lingering on the dwarves’ scowls before flitting over the rest of the table. “Ah… The nomads heard rumors when doing some… experimental trading with the sun dwarves. Soon after they came to us the… er…” He glanced back at his advisers, grimacing. “Some… ah… pioneers unaffiliated with the human crown reported some of the same rumors throughout elven villages.” His eyes fell on the rippling bowl of water heavily as if he was already exhausted.
The poor boy had hours left to go, and that would be only today.
“And… I don’t know why the nymphs are here, to be completely honest.”
So that made three of three. They all stared at the bowl for a moment, expecting something. An unearthly whisper, a form, a message in the ripples.
The water just kept rippling easily as if a fish was darting about just underneath the surface.
“So I guess the first state of affairs would be to verify or dismiss any rumors…” The boy’s voice was hesitant. If Edon had a better sense of smell, he bet he could detect the whiff of fear.
He waved at Maya first who nodded her head slowly, collecting her thoughts before raising her eyes from the table to make a slow sweep around. “It is true in my kingdom. We’re doing our best to quarantine every dwarf that shows symptoms, but it’s hard. Dwarfs aren’t being very forthcoming, not wishing to be taken away from their families.” She blinked at Edon as if in signal.
He stared the Augnik boy down, keep a cool, slightly dismissive voice. “Your… unaffiliated pioneers are not very good at hiding from us. We knew they’ve been encroaching on our land. Our designated land, by the treaty we made with man generations ago.” His eyes flicked to the advisers, aware of who was pulling the strings. “I just don’t want you to think the elves are unaware… or forgiving.” He smiled coolly at the child king. “But I will acknowledge we have more daunting issues to cover at the moment. I have also received reports of illness among the tribes. It has claimed some of my most trusted chieftains.”
All three of the leaders again stared at the bowl of water, and it just rippled at them.
After a prolonged silence, the cool adviser leaned forward and whispered at the king in waiting. He nodded tersely and addressed the table again, “The second step would be to decide where this disease is coming from.”
End of chapter
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Okay, so...excellent job. What really stands out here is the Augnik boy's speech, which is, of course, painfully awkward. It's also able to draw sympathy from the reader, since most people have been in a situation where they have few words to say, but are expected to speak nonetheless.
The characters presented here are a bit mysterious, but strangely likable. Their respectfulness and collected demeanor really shine; of course, this is in contrast to the King-in-waiting's nervousness.
As for descriptive style, it's easy to read, and presents a clear picture without eating up too much of the reader's attention. The slower pacing of the writing makes for a fine intellectual scene, and a silent mood.
As for plot, there's not much to say, given that it's only a fragment of a chapter of a piece I haven't fully read. But the disease does present an interesting shift in conflict. Will they band together, or destroy each other? At least, that's the vibe I'm getting right now.
I couldn't find any real nitpicks, which is slightly disheartening, because this review will mean less as a result. But, to summarize: An excellent tone that portrays well-crafted characters through their realistic yet mystical in an intriguing plot. Overall, an excellent read. Cheers!
-Chaser
Nitpicks don't necessarily make a good review
Thanks~
Hello!!
This is a good fantasy story. I like how it has elves in it. It is a very well-written story. I don't know what else to say. I like it.
I did find one nitpick:
"He trailed off again, glance at Maya worriedly." This was confusing, so I suggest that you write "He trailed off again and glanced at Maya worriedly."
Other than that, I think you did a good job. Keep writing more of these stories!!
P.S This is chapter 4 part 3. Where are the other stories?
Whoops! I had it in the wrong folder. The other chapters should be on the right now
Thank you!