Edon cannot be trusted. I believe he has inherited his ancestors’ tendency to bury his head in the sand even while the world is falling apart. His wife makes me nervous. She seems unpredictable. This could mean that she’s willing to be allies with us when her mate is not, but it could mean so many other things as well. I’ll keep an eye on that one.
.
Maya made her way up the hill slowly, Relk beside her and her sons around her. They stuck to her pace, making it seem as if it took no effort to do so. Meetings between all of the races relied on a schedule set by those living in Corun Nil. Outsiders had no way of knowing when they would be called to gather. It could make for awkward moments where nobles would be dashing out of tubs and running to the meeting hall with sopping hair ruining their finest clothes, but it made a round of endless bickering unnecessary which was always a good thing in Maya’s opinion.
Edon was ahead of her, completely alone, breaking away from usual elven tradition. Normally the Voice was always accompanied by an appointed second in command, but if the whispers Maya had heard were correct, Edon had opted not to bring his.
She shook her head. Pompous behavior from a pompous being.
She could hear the boy king behind her, his adviser’s whispering who knows what to him. She had no serious expectations about him other than failure.
Deciding not the glance back to see what was happening in the nymph camp if anything, she set her staff down again.
Getting up the hill was harder than she would have like to have admitted. She recalled her father yelling at her for dashing up it the first time they had been called to a meeting more than a century ago. Now the idea of ascending at least once a day was exhausting to even consider. She would do it though, and if the young Augnik had smart men pulling his strings, he wouldn’t pass her.
She tried her best to hide her panting, squeezing Relk’s hand when she felt like her lungs were going to burst. After they crested the hill, the human party staying a discreet distance behind the entire time, she released Relk’s hand with a sigh of relief. He shared a secret smile with her that she buried close to her heart before lifting her head and taking on the role of Golden.
“Stand up straight, boys.” Relk’s voice was a rough whisper that straightened shoulders immediately. “The best way to get people to think well of you is to make a good impression from the get go.”
Nodding as they proceeded down the streets, Maya repressed a smile. This was a side of their father the younger boys wouldn’t recognize. Many saw her husband as a hot tempered dolt, but she knew of the quick mind working within the unpolished exterior. When it came to making others do her will, she wanted Relk Tol whispering in her ear. She took a few deep breaths as Relk continued with curt instructions to his sons about posture and etiquette, somewhat masking her struggle. She hoped she would look unbothered by the time they got to the meeting hall.
The gray buildings were daunting and a bit dampening to the spirits, but Maya barely noticed, looking straight ahead. The meeting hall was no different from the other stone huts though maybe a little bigger. She sighed softly to herself as they entered the cool interior, two inhabitants of Corun Nil standing at the doors.
Edon was standing behind his chair facing the door, stiff backed and unreadable. To the left of elf was a bowl of water. She frowned at it but said nothing as she came to her place across from Edon.
“It was here when I arrived,” Edon offered, his eyes wandering over the dwarven heads as Augnik and his advisers arrived.
The boy took his place at the table, the only place left. Nervously glance back at his puppeteers, he took a step in front of them. A gong was hit, and Edon and Maya started sitting, Augnik following their lead a beat behind. Chairs were brought out for any others in the parties and were placed behind the rulers. The Corun Nil beings retreated from the room.
An elf, a dwarf, a human, and a bowl of water sat at the table. They watched each other except for the bowl of water which just sat there. After a pause that stretched long enough to be awkward, Maya smiled kindly at the boy king. “Since you’re the one who called us here, perhaps you should be the one to start us off, Prince Augnik.”
Flushing a somewhat charming pink, he cleared his throat, sneaking a glance back at those behind him before linking his hands on top of the table. “My father is sick.” He hunched his shoulders at the words. “And my people are becoming sick too.”
End of chapter
Continue to next chapter The Melding Chapter Four Part 3Points:
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Review Day. 'Nuff said.
Now, to begin, it's clear that you have some interesting characters in a tense situation. They seem to hold a mutual dislike for each other, although Maya does seem a bit less vicious about it. You've expertly worked her contempt for Augnik by detailing his inexperienced behavior, and opted to have her directly state her thoughts on Edon.
The tension of the next part should be a gripping read. This chapter does well enough to move the plot forward, while slipping in excellent characterization along the way. Overall, it serves every purpose it can.
As for your style, as I've said, it's thought-based, which brings out more characterization than environment detail. This is fitting for a chapter of discussion between characters, so good job! You really understand story structure well. As for the mood and tone, it definitely fits into the fantasy category with its vocabulary. You've also constructed a story that flows nicely from word to word, carrying the reader through the chapter to the gripping discussion.
I could only find one nitpick:
Glancing.
Overall, it's an excellent piece that fits into the plot seamlessly, developing characters while masterfully entertaining the reader with suspense. Cheers!
-Chaser
Hey! So first of all, this is really good. Just a few things I wanted to mention.
''Deciding not the glance back''
This didn't really make sense to me, and maybe it did to others, but maybe just try to make it more comprehensible, if you know what I mean.
But feel free to ignore everything I say, because I'm more of a journalist than an author.
Your writing is really. It doesn't matter what other critics, including me, say. All that matters is that you're happy with it.
So keep writing!
-Bethany13