The harem wagon is always too hot. It’s fashioned after the wagons the nomads use as they travel from mountain peak to mountain peak. The light comes through the skin that makes up the roof and upper walls, creating a dull pink haze that I hate. It makes the whole room fuzzy. I think nomads only use these wagons to sleep and store large items. The wagon is big enough to house twelve women comfortably. Beds can be pulled down from the walls.
If you read the history books (as I do obsessively), you know that Kings are always accompanied by their harem while the Queens are left to rule at home. The only mention of the harem is at the beginning when listing who made up the party. The only individual ever listed is the head woman of the harem.
Mine will be listed as Mistress Corinel’s harem. Usually a King chooses his own harem, but I was unable to because of the rush to Corun Nil. This is my father’s harem. The girls and I have a wary relationship. We don’t know how to treat each other. Only Mistress Corinel directs more than a short sentence my way. She only quizzes me though. I was raised in a time of peace, and the races lived apart. I am yet another product of the endless cycle of war and peace. Being in charge is lonelier than the history books make it seem.
.
His clothes were sticky. The air was close with fragrance, all the same kind. The harem’s girls were the best. Though the scent was strong, it wasn’t as headache inducing as a muddle of scents would be. He lounged on furs, eyes closed and his brow wrinkled.
“Your highness.”
The snappy voice made him purse his lips in a sigh. All of the girls- women, really, all older than him- were in the wagon, sitting or lying on furs scattered around the wagon. Some read by the light of oil lamps. Others did needlepoint. A few just stared into the distance.
“The dwarf leader is called the Golden. Dwarf rule is passed to the eldest child, regardless of gender. The current Golden is Mayien Tol. In the last few months the dwarves have tried to form an alliance with the trolls and goblins. We aren’t sure how that attempt ended, but we assume slaughter The Golden is advised by her family unit.” He thought before nodding and opening his eyes to peer at Mistress Corinel in question.
Her lips were in the usual tight frown. Arms crossed under her small chest, she sighed heavily. “You forgot that Mayien and Edon Shor, the Voice of the elves, are childhood friends. She’s been ruling since her father’s death, one hundred fifty years ago. Dwarves are a bit unpredictable. Sometimes they hole up in their mountains. Sometimes they are aggressive.”
Rollilng his eyes, he continued without comment. “Edon Shor, Voice of the elves, childhood friends with the Golden. Elven rule is passed to an elf of a council’s choosing. Edon was picked seventy-five years ago. Recently married to…” He bit his lip.
“Pylune. Elves do not marry. They join.” Her eyes flicked up as if she was asking for patience.
Belon sat up, glowering at her. “Marry. Join. It’s the same thing.”
Her stare was fridgid. “No. Marriage is a human and dwarven practice. Joining is solely elven. Every detail matters in this kind of diplomacy, Be… your higness.” She held his gaze, chin up until he lay back down with an irritated huff.
“Recently joined to Pylune. The Voice normally has one trusted advisor. Edon has a reputation for going solo. Elves have a reputation for isolationism and inaction during conflict.”
“Very good.” She took a slow breath. “Maybe you’re getting the hang of this.”
“That vote of confidence is overwhelming.” He wrung his hands, chewing his cheek.
“Stop that!” She leaned over, slapping at his hands and swatting his cheek. “Even if you’re worried you’ll lose everything, don’t show it. You need to appear cool and confident to your potential enemies.”
Touching his cheek, he tried to take a calming breath. “Can I go now, M- Mistress.”
She leaned back, her eyes flashing in the dim light. “No. You’ve forgotten nymphs.”
Sighing loudly, he glared at her. “The nymph leader is unknown. We’re not even sure if they have a leader. They live in all territories because it’s impossible to tell whether they’re nymphs or part of nature, making them great spies though they never work with another race without a price.” He paused to see if she would correct him again. I’m good enough now? I can go?” Looking around the wagon, he dropped his head in his hands. “I can’t stay in this place for much longer.”
Her gaze softened, and she stood, turning away from him. “I suppose that’s good enough for-” She was interrupted by loud bells from up the hill. Worrying her lip while he couldn’t see, she linked her hands together, pressing her knuckles against each other until they hurt. “Well… It’s going to have to be good enough. Hurry. You have three advisers that will be waiting for you. Remember… don’t let them talk for you. It makes you look weak.” She straightened her skirt and turned to him as he scrambled out the door. “Good luck.”
End of chapter
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140,237 Literary Works • 673,049 Reviews
I just thought I'd run over from spelling/grammar errors in the story before we begin:
I think you were intending to place a period between "slaughter" and "The"?
"Frigid" is the correct word in this sentence.
You were intended to say "highness", yes?
Anyways, now that that's over with...
What a wonderful story, megsug! I like how much you focus on the history of the various races in the land over the course of the chapter, as well as the history behind the wagon. It's always fascinating to learn more about the world in which a story is set, and the way that you communicated aspects of it was done in a skillful, smooth manner that I deeply enjoyed. The way the MC (or who I assume is the MC. Unfortunately, I haven't read any other chapters in this story. <.< ) describes his knowledge of history, the way that Corinel discussed the history and leaders of the nations with MC...your discussion of the history of this story is wonderful, well-composed, and neat. Great job!
Goodness, the main character seems to have a bit of a temper.
In all, I found this story both impeccable and creative. Your character development is spot on, not to mention your descriptions of the setting, the massive wagon, and the background to the story. It was something that I enjoyed reading from start to finish, and a fantasy story that greatly impresses me. Great job!
'It's fashioned after the wagons the nomads used'
Hmm not much about the Harem girls, so still don't see a reason for the top when you could put that in the actually story. Love the history on the wagon though.
By the way, this chapter seems shorter than the other one, chapter 3, make sure you're constant with the length.
He said that didn't he, or other wise the next person wouldn't have spoken right?
Yeah I feel it shouldn't have ended there. Trust your gut to let you know when and where it ends and if you feel this is where then I think you should add description, like you did in the last chapter, on how some of the Harem girls and the Mistress even Belon looks. Other than that, make it a little bit more amusing with how frustrated they get. And other than those, that's all I can really say about this chapter. It's good but make it great.
~Sharrae out, tottles