Dear Edon,
I am not going to distract you with meaningless argument right now. I am disturbed by your nonchalance going into this. It's serious business. I just got a report of another bout of murders in the Eastern tribe. This time the culprit was a young elf. He threw his baby into the fire. He brought a knife into the holy place and stabbed several.
I don't affirm your ridiculousness. This is real. Get serious and help your brethren.
For the love of all that the Holy Council molded with their hands, just end this silly quarrel with Pylune. You both put yourselves up for pairing, and you're paying the price. The water put you together for a reason. Learn how to deal with it and actually move on with your lives together instead of sulking in your opposite corners, both of you a part of some cosmic time out. I am tired of hearing about your troubles when our people are threatened and could be falling apart at any moment.
Fetsu
.
Pylune met Edon as he came out of the building. He thought of ignoring her until seeing Maya lean in to whisper something to Resh. He would never readily admit it, but there was always a little something when he saw them together. A little tug in the back of his mind that made him recall innocent explorations in the shadows of tents when their races gathered together for one conflict or another.
She received him with a smile, and he smiled back, but the silence between them as they made their way across the camp grounds was thick with what could only be studied indifference and awkward self-consciousness.
"Did you see a nymph?" she asked as if it was a question in the middle of a conversation.
He looked at her for the first time since he'd greeted her because he had a reason to. She faced ahead though her eyes were slanted at him in a strangely alluring way. Perhaps the way they seemed veiled under her eyelashes. Her stride was long. She would never be a mate that would scramble to walk along side him. Her brown hair flashed with red highlights in the setting sun, and she shrugged sheepishly when he never answered, his gaze roaming her body as if he was only seeing it for the first time. "I thought about walking over there to see what they were like, but I thought it might be dangerous."
Blinking several times, he shook his head. "Never do that." The words came in a snap he didn't intend, and she was looking forward, mouth set in an expression he didn't like. Petulant.
She swallowed. "I didn't."
"Don't even consider it." His voice was purposefully hardened now.
The dry grass crunched beneath their feet as they moved faster over the fields to their tent. Already, due to the high flow of traffic, the grass was wearing away to reveal worry lines of earth wiggling through the camps. Neither squinted as they looked into the sun, and when he jerked open the tent flap for her, she breezed through, head held high.
Which was part of the problem, really. She was so damn proud, and she never looked like she was ashamed. He grabbed her arm and turned her around. "Listen, you silly elf."
She was looking up at him with angry eyes, but all he could see was that dwarf crown of hair. He took the hair pin, the one he had given her when they were mated with the flowers blooming from it and pulled it out. He ignored her wince and folded his arms, glaring at her. The mere two inches he had on her didn't make it as impressive as he wished, and she just looked back, eyes flat and furious.
"Just stay in the tent. I don't want you to talk to anyone. I don't want you to walk around the other camps. I want you to stay in here and do your stupid weaving, and I don't want you to wear your hair in that dwarf braid. You shouldn't have even asked her."
She stared back at him, unblinking. Her eyes had glazed over, lost the bright shine of anger. Carefully, she withdrew her arm, and he let her go. Her braid was quickly falling into disarray, unravelling and returning to her shoulders in bits and pieces. Sparing one pointed look for the hair pin clenched in his hand, she took a slow step back and then another before turning around and walking up the stairs.
He looked at the pin, the delicate metal bent from his grip. There were strands of hair caught between in the tines. He glanced up to see a few servants staring. He opened his mouth, at a loss for words and finally ducked his head, turning around and leaving the tent.
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140,237 Literary Works • 673,049 Reviews
Since I reviewed the last chapter, I thought I might as well.
And the plot thickens! My, how tensions rise. Things are getting more and more suspenseful as Edon and Pylune seem at odds upon their situation. The only question I have is how Edon transitions from admiring Pylune to being so angry with her. It just caught me a bit off-guard.
As for the letter at the beginning, it seemed to waver between modern and ancient in tone. "Disturbed by your nonchalance" and "It's serious business" just seem to contrast each other a bit. Then again, it might just be a quirk I don't know about.
As for your descriptive style, it's working quite well still. The mystical tone carries over fantastically from the previous installment. Your ability to capture many aspects in just a few words remains undiminished.
It's also a strange offset from the previous chapter; I assume this was intentional. You've expertly portrayed how different relationships react under pressure. It'll be interesting to see how each one turns out.
As a whole, the chapter is perfectly tandem to the previous, showcasing equally intriguing characters in your well-written mood. The plot also doesn't slack off here, so it'll be interesting to see what future chapters bring, with tensions a'rising in the camp. Cheers!
-Chaser
Ah... I'll try to make the transition between lust and anger a little more distinct. Thanks!
Hey, I'm here for a quick review.
First of all, I just want to say I love the letter as introduction to the story. Somehow to me it gives off an air of personal wisdom with how the sentences are structured. The interaction - portrayed as how the writer addresses the receiver - is genuine, and the entire letter is heartfelt. It might be my fond over first PoV, but you make your character's voice well.
I also have some confusions as to why Edon is acting this way to Pylune. I mean, what's wrong with having the dwarf braid? >.> If I'm not mistaken based on my glimpses of the previous chapters, dwarf is seen as an inferior being, isn't it? So does this mean it has to do with how Edon views the dwarf, and not wanting his wife to be seen similar to it? Hmm.
Apart from that, though, I dunno from where Edon gets his anger to Pylune - I mean, has she done something wrong to him? Is this his way to protect her? Is he simply having some communication problem? I think it's interesting to see how this couple leads their relationship. I'm pretty sure it would be an important part for the further plot - if not, you wouldn't have shown it here, would you?
That's all, I guess. Sorry for the short review, but I think you've done well plotting the flow of the events and the actions of the characters. Keep up the good job!