The human boy is more willful than I thought he would be. How strange. He still has ventriloquists trying to pull on his strings, but he’s pulling back. There are five. I am only concerned about one. I need to learn more.
Edon has not surprised me in the slightest. He is upholding the elven way. He thinks a problem can always be outwaited.
Who knows what is happening with the nymphs. The bowl of water made no reaction to any of the happenings. They are a strange species. They scare me.
.
Maya took her hair down slowly, letting her eyes drift shut even as she quickly unwove her hair. She had caught a glimpse of Pylune waiting at the bottom of the hill with her hair braided in the crown style she had shown her. The dwarf wasn’t sure what to think of that. Either Pylune wished to compliment her, or she just unaware that how she wore her hair could hold meaning. The silly elf had smiled and waved before Edon had taken her by the wrist and dragged her away. Maya felt sorry for the mismatched couple but couldn’t help but think it’s what they got for letting themselves make such important choices in a magically induced trance.
Aching a bit from sitting in hard chairs and having to make the long climb and descent to and from the meeting hall, her movements were stiff as she stood. She stripped, folding each piece of clothing and building a small pile before padding over to a tub left by maids who knew her practices better than her own. Slipping in with a long sigh, she leaned her head back and just lay there. The water was warm and smelled of home: pine wood cut from the land above their heads for fires and the rich earthy smell of clay. She wasn’t sure how her maids recreated the latter. When she asked, her oldest maid just smiled and bowed out of the room.
It was not an alluring scent. In fact, it reminded her of the way Relk had smelled when he came from deep in the earth where dwarves drew out the finest gems and metals before he had married her. She smiled to herself. A long time ago. She had bathed in the perfume of flowers back then, thinking she could lure him in. That was before she knew what it was to want nothing more than one breath of the dim, cool air of home.
She sunk further into the tub, pointing her toes. She allowed herself to think about the afternoon though she would have rather thought of more pleasant things. Nothing much had been accomplished. After the human boy was chastised for landing the punch on the tragedy that ended her father’s life, man and elf bickered like two extreme opposites were prone to do. The blame game was a long one, and she would be dishonest to say she hadn’t pointed a few angry fingers herself.
They had decided that perhaps there was no way to know what had started this multi-species disease. Wasn’t it strange that it affected all three species? Well… Maybe four. Of course it was impossible to know. The nymphs hadn’t spoken yet. Was there anything else in history that mirrored such a widespread event?
Maya thought they were about to start being productive again when the inhabitants of Corun Nil rang the gong, symbolling the end of the day’s discussion.
She ducked her head under the water, her hair running over the rim of the bronze tub with a soft hiss. Enjoying the close, womb-like feel of water pressing against all sides, she stayed under, eyes closed, holding her breath until her lungs started to feel tight. That amount of time had dwindled with her age.
As she came up, wiping water out of her eyes, she saw Relk outlined by the firelight as the dwarven families making up her party supped.
“You don’t have a lantern on.” He let the tent flap fall as he stepped forward.
“I get tired of light all the time. I don’t know how Sun-species stand it. True peace can only be gained after the day is done.” She felt along a table for a bar of soap and started washing herself as Relk walked farther into the tent. He melded into the shadows and then existed only in noises as he stripped himself, changing into his night clothes.
“As pointless as the first day usually is, eh?” He climbed into bed.
She continued at her own pace, knowing better than to feel rushed. “Oh, it wasn’t pointless. We know each other now. That’s the hardest step.” She rinsed off, standing by pushing up on the edges of the basin. She had to think about such maneuvers now. She wasn’t really aware of the silence as she stepped out of the tub and pushed it to the flaps of the tent until the handle was sticking out, just enough for her maids to know she was done.
Relk cleared his throat suddenly, making her look back at him even though she couldn’t see him other than an abstract mound on the bed. “Why are we here, Maya?”
She pulled on her robe, hanging from the chair she had been sitting on to undo her braid. “What do you mean?” She made her way to the bed.
“I mean…” She could see him running his fingers through his beard now, playing with a single braid. He had had three just last month, but two were taken out for mourning. “We are grieving our sons. Nothing can be done for them. Why are we answering the desperate King-in-Waiting’s call to save his father?”
Lifting the thin blanket and crawling underneath, she laid down before answering. “Just because Kornad and Pinelle are gone does not mean we will nut struggle with the disease again. Our dwarves are still at risk.” She reached out to him. “Hold me, Relk. I am sore and tired. My heart still aches, and I already miss our home.”
He pulled her close with a soft sigh that seemed to shudder, and she was glad he could cry for them. “It just all seems a little pointless.”
“We have to believe it won’t be.”
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125,013 Literary Works • 672,844 Reviews
Nice job with the chapter, megsug - this is an interesting, and exciting, fantasy story. Sure, not many plot events happened here - Maya spent most of her time preparing to sleep while thinking about what has happened in the diplomatic arguments previously - but you do a nice job of conveying a wide variety of emotions. It's interesting to see how, despite the fact that the human boy had poked at the death of her father and many of her citizens (to be clear, I have read a few of these chapters, so I understand, for the most part, the progression of the story,) she still finds him curious and intriguing. I like it when she talks about how he seems to be being pulled around by those around him, but he seems to be resisting. He's trying to do some of the debating on his own, which she finds fascinating. Many other of the emotions in this story are also captivating. I can envision, thanks to the emotions and details of the story, her feelings for the various races. She doesn't seem to have much respect for the elven leader, although she does like his bride. I see her fear at the one race that has, as of yet, not made an appearance in this meeting. Frankly, though, I can understand her opinion completely - they are mysterious, they are odd, and they are the only race that has not yet expressed any complications among their ranks due to disease. It makes sense that she finds them so creepy. Lastly, I love how you develop this sense of loneliness in the story. She misses home. She misses where she lives, not preferring the terrible sun, basking in the warmth of the water, and she sleeps close with her husband, grieving for her lost children and hoping that they can solve the problem. This story is a nice collection of emotions and feelings, and I'm impressed by the way you convey them.
This chapter is a unique perspective on the life of an important character in the story, and I'm impressed. The plot flows nicely and smoothly, and I like the way that you provide enough details so as to allow the reader to vividly envision each scene. Your character development is equally fantastic - in this story, we learn much more about Maya as a person from her feelings, from the way that she interacts with other characters, and her thoughts about everything she is facing. It's a slow chapter, plotwise, but a beautiful, clear one nonetheless, and I enjoyed reading this from start to finish. Nice job!
Thank you for the review! I'm flattered.
Wow. I haven't read the previous chapters, but...good job.
As for the plot, while this is a slow chapter, it's got a pretty intimidating scope of the story's events. It gives the reader enough to understand the conflicts, while pulling short of boring them with long-winded thoughts. The calm, mystical style of writing perfectly complements the dark tone and mood set here. An excellent job conveying that!
As for the characters, it's nice to see the two characters rely on each other through their troubled time. Maya's calm, analytical thoughts mark her as the more levelheaded of the two, but even she feels the grief of loss. It's a perfect portrayal of husband and wife, building upon each other with an unspoken bond. It's not something often seen, so it's all the more captivating.
Aside from that, I have a few minor nitpicks:
It's really more of a personal opinion, but "puppeteers" always held a more sinister tone with me. Because real-life ventriloquists are pretty funny.
I couldn't quite comprehend what you were trying to say here. Did the maids know her better than she knew herself, or better than they knew themselves?
I'd rephrase this sentence and reverse it to make it a bit more active.
Overall, there are only minor complaints. The style is appropriately brooding, as well as magical. The characters are astoundingly relatable, yet retaining admirable qualities. The plot, while I don't quite have the full scope of it, drives the reader easily through this chapter, allowing you to expertly deliver some emotional development. An excellent read through-and-through. Cheers!
-Chaser
Thanks!