Young Writers Society

Hey, yo, Lyssiekins! Strange here, again, on this fantastic Review Day and I have a review for you!
This was a very blissful poem. It's sweet, and blunt. It captures tragedy in the subject that it's being dealt with, Dementia, or maybe I'm wrong, but I'll get to that later. I like that this is short, and those two adjectives that I said before. It's really in classic taste of one of those poems that you'll read in Middle School English. The whole message that I got out of this is that "It was never really there." Your mind was never really there. Now, I hope you know, this can be a really good love poem, describing the love between two that ended tragically. The love was never quite there, nor was the narrators mind. I really like that part. There is nothing wrong with how you described, or showed the effects of this poem. It's nice, and right on. A lot about this poem is well done. Going along the lines of being short, meaningful, nice, and sweet. You hit it in all the sweet spots. That's what a poem should do, and you did it. Sorry if this seems quite repetitive, but my mind is full right now on Review Day. I really liked this poem, and will start following you after I write this review. Once again, good job.
Strange gives you...
8.7/10
Great job,
Keep writing,
Stay groovy, my friend.


#TheFaultInOurReviews

Hello, Chips here with a review.

You have a very interesting concept here. I like how you've organized your poem so that each stage holds a certain time and emotion to it. Rhyme schemes can be quite tricky to use but I think in this instance, you've used it well as it wasn't overbearing in your poem. The wording was lovely also.

However I do have some suggestions which may be of help to you.

"Reach out and take a fate,
worse than death to blanch your pate.
Cursed to serve in a binded state,
Surrounded by those who serve you hate."

I thought this was a good opening but you have a spelling error, "binded", was meant to be written as, *blinded*. It also makes more sense that way so remember to spell-check your works afterwards.

"That you love and love and they've forgotten your face,"

This line's wording wasn't very clear, perhaps it may be because you began the sentence with, "That". Instead of repeating the word, "love", maybe try *cherish* ?

"These aren't wilting flowers in a vanquished vase,
These were never alive in the first place."

This was my favorite part of your poem, it was very thought provoking in my view. It almost summarized dementia in the most poetic way.

Overall lovely poem, I hope this review was of help to you. Keep Writing!

--Chips