I made a bodice
out of nines and tens.
The strings from scales
I could use to weigh myself, and then
I'd measure my self worth
with a critics' pen,
staining the ink
on every piece I hate, until
I am an inky void.
I washed myself in tears of shame.
I made a mirror out
of catalogs and T.V. stills.
Minus what the camera adds,
plus what my imagination fills.
That inky void became a drain
on my mental state,
it stains my brain.
Like Rorschach tests until I see
one that looks like a prettier
me.
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Hi. I enjoyed the imagry and the base analougy, but I sometimes think that we focus too much on allegorys and not enough on the uniquness of our situation. The human condition is a complex thing and expieriences are rarely felt or had in the same context. I would suggest that you inject some anger and outward vindictivity on the ones you hope to appease with this unatainable standard. They wont hold it against you, I know I wont, and youll feel all the more relieved for it. Good work and good luck in the future.
Yes its weird how we end up hating ourselves instead of the status quo. Like we feel we are to blame for not being up to societies standards rather than hating the standard setters in the first place. But there isn't really one person to hate, no one person was responsible for this false image in the media. Its much harder to hate an idea than a person.
You have a good point there but not when others hate it along with you. The idea adapts a personage in the minds of its counterers, and that charicature is easy to destroy. Besides, blowing off steam is often pleasurable, if not relieving.
Hi there!
Let me just say that this poem was like nothing I've ever read on body image. It is such a common topic in society today, and many people like to write about it, talk about it, etc. but your poem seems different to me. While it still mentions the same things that so many other people talk about, you executed it in such a way that made it seem so raw and unique.
My favorite line would have to be the very first one, "I made a bodice
out of nines and tens." It immediately set the tone for the whole poem and struck right through the heart - we all make those bodices. Very well done.
The only criticism I have (it's very minor and is just from my own opinion) is that the second stanza didn't seem to feel the same as the first. The first one was so powerful and it feels like you lose just a little bit of steam as you go on to the second and final stanza. Again, that is just my opinion and aside from that, this was a wonderful piece.
Keep doing what you're doing.
XOXO
Anabelle
Sapphire here to review!
The title drew me in as someone that also suffers from a warped body image and I have to say you did not disappoint. I like to start with my favorite part and then go into the constructive criticism...
I really LOVE "I'd measure my self worth with a critics' pen", it just hit home really hard and you couldn't have worded it any better. I also really liked the final line of the first stanza, just for the raw emotion.
The loose structure really did this justice, the only part that I got a little hung up on was "on every piece I hate, until
I am an inky void."
I have a feeling you purposely did that, but when reading it out loud it throws off the flow.
Criticism time!
I feel like you threw your heart and soul into the first stanza but petered out a little in the second. While the four lines were great, it felt like you struggled with the remainder. Perhaps trying to hard to connect the first and second stanza? I'm not really sure how you could rework it, or if you really need to at all- perhaps I'm just being too nitpicky! Thats for you to decide.
Lovely piece, despite the heavy and heart wrenching subject matter. I look forward to reading more from you!
Hi. I enjoyed the imagry and the base analougy, but I sometimes think that we focus too much on allegorys and not enough on the uniquness of our situation. The human condition is a complex thing and expieriences are rarely felt or had in the same context. I would suggest that you inject some anger and outward vindictivity on the ones you hope to appease with this unatainable standard. They wont hold it against you, I know I wont, and youll feel all the more relieved for it. Good work and good luck in the future.
Sorry i think I made a rookie mistake with the review system):