Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.
TW: mentions of death
Didn’t take any caffeine
Didn’t eat anything sweet
The middle of the night
I am wide awake
My dad snores loudly
While his radio blares ballads
My mom is wrapped in her blanket
With her mouth wide open
My sister is hugging her pillow
With her toes curled up
My brother grabs the blanket
With his body taking up the space
Not a single ounce of my body
Is falling asleep
The night is peaceful
But my brain is bustling
Tinnitus in my ears
My brain screaming unsystematically
My body heats up without reason
My eyes roll up and down
One to six in the morning
The monsters under bed scare me more
I just want a sweet dream
But the birds are already chirping
The sun is up, my family are up
My blood pressure, my energy is up
But dark circles come around my eyes
My brain is dead, no thoughts
The nightly silence
Make me ears ring like crazy
My brain rethinks every long day
My eyes stay numb from staying up
Colors of the galaxy appear in my sight
Staring at a white ceiling will not
Take me anywhere
Please take me to Neverland
My dreamland, a place of happiness
A place where peace is found
Remove all these unwanted thoughts
In the middle of a chilly night
Finally, in ten in the morning
My body falls half asleep
My vision goes blank and black
White circles appear and fall down
I see the blue blue sky
Then my body falls down
Deep underground
Then my mom drops her cellphone
My body switches as I hear
The loud and awake people
Who got the sleep I want
When can they be considerate?
Or do they know?
I get thirty minutes of sleep
Every night, because
My brain, my everything is crazy.
Anyways, it’s time to get up
Because there’s no point
Of falling asleep again
One day…
One day, I will sink in my pillows
Have a nice and calming dream
Long lasting sleep that
Will make me have red marks on my face
People ask,
“Do you like sleep?”
“Yes.” I say.
“But I don’t know how it feels.”
“Wake up now!”
Mom says. “You’ll be late for school.
Study hard so you become
My pride and joy.”
I guess, life was never easy
Dying sounds nice
Because living to survive is hard
The cruel world is waiting for me
Dreams never come true
Happy endings never happen
School, stress, time
Sucking the life out of me
I hope one day I get to
Have a happy ending
And my dream come true
And I get a peaceful sleep too.
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Canary word: Present
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125,027 Literary Works • 672,774 Reviews
Howdy hey! I’m not here to leave a review, but just wanted to comment and say that, as someone with insomnia, I relate to this poem. Even if I do everything right (like not drinking caffeine or limiting screentime before bed), I still have trouble sleeping.
I really hope you get the sleep you deserve!
—GengarIsBestBoy
I hope you get good sleep too<33
Wow this is a very impactful poem. Before the review, I just want to make sure you're okay. If this is based of your life experiences, you always have us. And don't forget to take a break every now and then
On to dissecting this one of a kind emotional rollercoaster poem!
You laid out the setting of the poem nicely. You describe the night as if it was like any ordinary night. A vivid picture was painted when you described how each family member slept soundly in their own way. It beautifully contrasted to the bout of insomnia the narrator is experiencing, magnifying the poor narrator's state of sleeplessness.
"But my brain is bustling" to "Take me anywhere"
This part was especially relatable for me. I, too, have nights where I cannot sleep for no apparent reason. Your transition from the cacophony happening inside your brain to the weary silence it has early in the morning was well-written.
I like how you’re literally begging in the story for sleep and calm. At one point you entertained the thought about death as a sweet escape from the huge possibility you will never get a happy ever after. It shows how desperate the narrator is for rest and sleep and for good things to come her way.
Overall, I loved this poem! If this often happens to you, I hope you are okay hehe
Hi, thanks a lot for asking if I'm okay. I am okay, it just happens sometimes when I come from a really stressful long day
hihi. Thanks for the review too <33
You%u2019re welcome! Glad to know you%u2019re okay hehe
You are welcome! Glad to know you are okay hehe
Hello hello! I saw you post this in the people's tab, so I thought I'd pop by for a quick review. I'm not as experience with reviewing poetry, so please bear with me <3
I think the concept of this and the feelings behind it are very relatable, especially amongst a site of writers! I thought you effectively convey the feelings of frustration, exhaustion, and yearning for sleep through vivid imagery and emotive language and I like the flow of the poem too. The structure of the poem does a good job of mirroring the fragmented thoughts and sleep-deprived state of the speaker and I liked the way it all worked together!
There are some areas where the flow/rhythm felt a bit off to me, and might benefit from some tweaking if you're open to it!
I think the flow might be a little better if you changed 'for no' to 'without'. It's the same syllables so the rhythm would be the same, but my brain tripped up on the 'for no' for some reason.
this is a grammar one, but you don't need the 's' in 'appear'
I think this felt a little clunky. What about, 'the nightly silence' instead?
I think these tweaks make the poem a little more cohesive and concise but overall I really enjoyed reading this. You've got some vivid imagery and emotive language and I think it really conveys the sense of frustration we get when we just can't sleep!
Thanks for sharing and happy Friday!
Icy
thanks a lot! I posted this story because I wanted some people to help me fine some errors. I appreciate the review c:
have a happy Friday too!
*find
sorry clumsy me c: