Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence and mature content.
My rager teenager,
In a high school party,
The blood in your veins run high
As each of your peers approach you
They drink whiskey in plastic cups,
And are getting high on Mary Jane
As she dances in the air and on the table
The music blares in your ears
You stand in one corner of the room,
Feeling fear, dread and uneasiness
With the atmosphere and the people
And their actions toward you
You have no one to run to
You want to call your mom but
You’re too shy to ask because
You just entered a few seconds ago
Your vision blurs and turn bloodshot
The loud music fades away
A piercing sound in heard from a distance
It grows louder and unbearable
You run to the bathroom
But your vision stays blurry
The heartbeat found your head
You head spins a roller coaster
You lose your balance
Bumping your head on the floor tiles
You really want to call your mom
You want to get rid of the sounds in your ears
You panic, you scream to call for help
You can’t see anything,
No one comes to you for help
You feel you’ll just die there
Laying on the wet floor
You try to stand and balance yourself
The colors of the galaxy in your eyes
Scrambled in abstract
The colors fade away
But the ringing in your ear is still there
You see a light from a distance
And say your last breath, “Mom?”
Note: this is a fictional poem that my fictional character wrote right after being exposed to drugs in a high school party she went to.
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Canary word: Present
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,786 Reviews
I posted this is the wrong place I'm so sorry
Hi, Kilroy here,
I think this is a good poem that show cases that you needed to be careful at prates or something like this could happen to you. I also hope the drugs did not mess the main character up for life, and that she/he is ok.
she is totally ok and yes, I know. thanks for the reminder<33
Hi! Ayelen here! I loved the middle to end bits where I could really feel the nausea and dizziness. I'm a little lost on when your character ingests the drugs, however, as it's never described and you write that your character only entered a few seconds ago. And quick grammar, "But you vision stay blurry" should be "stays". Love the poem! Excellent cadence!
Hi! Ayelen here! I loved the middle to end bits where I could really feel the nausea and dizziness. I'm a little lost on when your character ingests the drugs, however, as it's never described and you write that your character only entered a few seconds ago. And quick grammar, "But you vision stay blurry" should be "stays". Love the poem! Excellent cadence!
thanks! nice catch<3
Howdy hey! Gengar here to leave a review!
I liked the emotion and action portrayed in the poem. The beginning describes the feelings of nervousness and embarrassment as the main character is surrounded by new people; the middle/end describe their sudden dizziness and slow death.
I think you could improve on this particular line, as it is somewhat confusing:
Who is the “she” here? Is she supposed to be a personification of the smoke from the weed mentioned in the previous line? Or is she another teenager at the party?
I hope my review could be helpful! Keep up the good work!
—GengarIsBestBoy
The she in the poem is "Mary Jane", it's like a metaphor for the drug. I hope this helps with your understanding <33 thanks for the review!
I'm not going to review this just because I don't have much to say. But I did really like this poem. Your character is talented.
Very nice descriptive bit there.Favorite line:
thanks[:
You welcome.