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a_partofmyjourney

by AkuRashomon


Bro, why are you so cute?

Got me daydreaming 24/7

Listening to love songs and

They remind me of you



My heart does a little “!”

When I see you on TV screens

And pictures on social media

Mom asks why am I smiling on my phone



The thoughts in my brain

Are all about you

I think and think of you

Until the sun wakes



I don’t know how to stop

And get rid of you

My poems are all about you

My drawings are your face



I hope this is just a phase

Then when I get older,

I see you and remember

You were a part of my journey in life



But I will still support you

And listen to your music

Until I get married and have

Children of my own



I hope you find a sense of peace

And have a family too

I hope you live a happy life

And a long one


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173 Reviews

Points: 11035
Reviews: 173

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Sun Jul 02, 2023 1:19 pm
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DreamyAlice wrote a review...



Hey there, Alice here to give a review!

MY THOUGHTS

I know exactly what this is about! In love with an artist? Their musuc had helped the speaker of this poem, in their this phase of life. That's natural, we all tend to have these artists as our fictional lovers/supporters/consolers. As I have noticed your poems are more of direct lyrics based rather than poetry. This one was rather a bubbly, cute and a simply structured poem about the feelings you have for these people or artists (as you mentioned their 'music').

SUGGESTIONS

1. What you are doing in these types of poem is telling people how you feel about someone and their art and their presence in your life. What I eould suggest is there are multiple eays you can enhance this by showing and not simply stating. Use senses to make the reader feel the words rather than reading it. Use metaphors maybe try with the simpler ones at first then most people learn to make their owns. That's th fun behind poetry, everyone learns it by practice so dont worry.

2. Punctuations though not always important also has a special place according to me. It helps the reader understand where to pause while reading the poem. Giving the poetry a little extra touch when read aloud.

OVERALL

This was my first time reviewing one of your poems and I liked it. This paragraph is my favorite~

I hope this is just a phase

Then when I get older,

I see you and remember

You were a part of my journey in life

A phase may it be, but its still a part. That doesnt make it less important or something. Loved this paragraph you said it direct and clear.

Keep Writing👍
-ALICE^-^
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AkuRashomon says...


Thank you for your kind review! I'll try your suggestions next time c:



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Sun Jul 02, 2023 1:19 pm
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vampricone6783 wrote a review...



That’s so cute! :) I like how the narrator sees the celebrity crush as someone who will bring them happiness through music, as a fond memory to have. It’s always nice to have someone to look up to, someone to believe in. It brings a sense of hopefulness, love, light, and inspiration. It’s something to keep in the heart and soul.

I hope that you will have a beautiful day and night. Goodbye for now.




AkuRashomon says...


Thank you! c:




u can't have villains exist just 2 b villains
— ShadowVyper