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16+ Mature Content

a_peacefulsleep

by AkuRashomon


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.

TW: mentions of death

Didn’t take any caffeine

Didn’t eat anything sweet

The middle of the night

I am wide awake

My dad snores loudly

While his radio blares ballads

My mom is wrapped in her blanket

With her mouth wide open

My sister is hugging her pillow

With her toes curled up

My brother grabs the blanket

With his body taking up the space

Not a single ounce of my body

Is falling asleep

The night is peaceful

But my brain is bustling

Tinnitus in my ears

My brain screaming unsystematically

My body heats up without reason

My eyes roll up and down

One to six in the morning

The monsters under bed scare me more

I just want a sweet dream

But the birds are already chirping

The sun is up, my family are up

My blood pressure, my energy is up

But dark circles come around my eyes

My brain is dead, no thoughts

The nightly silence

Make me ears ring like crazy

My brain rethinks every long day

My eyes stay numb from staying up

Colors of the galaxy appear in my sight

Staring at a white ceiling will not

Take me anywhere

Please take me to Neverland

My dreamland, a place of happiness

A place where peace is found

Remove all these unwanted thoughts

In the middle of a chilly night

Finally, in ten in the morning

My body falls half asleep

My vision goes blank and black

White circles appear and fall down

I see the blue blue sky

Then my body falls down

Deep underground

Then my mom drops her cellphone

My body switches as I hear

The loud and awake people

Who got the sleep I want

When can they be considerate?

Or do they know?

I get thirty minutes of sleep

Every night, because

My brain, my everything is crazy.

Anyways, it’s time to get up

Because there’s no point

Of falling asleep again

One day…

One day, I will sink in my pillows

Have a nice and calming dream

Long lasting sleep that

Will make me have red marks on my face

People ask,

“Do you like sleep?”

“Yes.” I say.

“But I don’t know how it feels.”

“Wake up now!”

Mom says. “You’ll be late for school.

Study hard so you become

My pride and joy.”

I guess, life was never easy

Dying sounds nice

Because living to survive is hard

The cruel world is waiting for me

Dreams never come true

Happy endings never happen

School, stress, time

Sucking the life out of me

I hope one day I get to

Have a happy ending

And my dream come true

And I get a peaceful sleep too.


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Sun May 28, 2023 12:36 am
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GengarIsBestBoy says...



Howdy hey! I’m not here to leave a review, but just wanted to comment and say that, as someone with insomnia, I relate to this poem. Even if I do everything right (like not drinking caffeine or limiting screentime before bed), I still have trouble sleeping.

I really hope you get the sleep you deserve!

—GengarIsBestBoy




AkuRashomon says...


I hope you get good sleep too<33



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Sun May 28, 2023 12:06 am
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alpacaboss wrote a review...



Wow this is a very impactful poem. Before the review, I just want to make sure you're okay. If this is based of your life experiences, you always have us. And don't forget to take a break every now and then :)

On to dissecting this one of a kind emotional rollercoaster poem!

You laid out the setting of the poem nicely. You describe the night as if it was like any ordinary night. A vivid picture was painted when you described how each family member slept soundly in their own way. It beautifully contrasted to the bout of insomnia the narrator is experiencing, magnifying the poor narrator's state of sleeplessness.

"But my brain is bustling" to "Take me anywhere"
This part was especially relatable for me. I, too, have nights where I cannot sleep for no apparent reason. Your transition from the cacophony happening inside your brain to the weary silence it has early in the morning was well-written.

I like how you’re literally begging in the story for sleep and calm. At one point you entertained the thought about death as a sweet escape from the huge possibility you will never get a happy ever after. It shows how desperate the narrator is for rest and sleep and for good things to come her way.

Overall, I loved this poem! If this often happens to you, I hope you are okay hehe :)




AkuRashomon says...


Hi, thanks a lot for asking if I'm okay. I am okay, it just happens sometimes when I come from a really stressful long day (: hihi. Thanks for the review too <33



alpacaboss says...


You%u2019re welcome! Glad to know you%u2019re okay hehe



alpacaboss says...


You are welcome! Glad to know you are okay hehe



AkuRashomon says...


:)



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Fri May 26, 2023 12:51 pm
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IcyFlame wrote a review...



Hello hello! I saw you post this in the people's tab, so I thought I'd pop by for a quick review. I'm not as experience with reviewing poetry, so please bear with me <3

I think the concept of this and the feelings behind it are very relatable, especially amongst a site of writers! I thought you effectively convey the feelings of frustration, exhaustion, and yearning for sleep through vivid imagery and emotive language and I like the flow of the poem too. The structure of the poem does a good job of mirroring the fragmented thoughts and sleep-deprived state of the speaker and I liked the way it all worked together!

There are some areas where the flow/rhythm felt a bit off to me, and might benefit from some tweaking if you're open to it!

My body heats up for no reason

I think the flow might be a little better if you changed 'for no' to 'without'. It's the same syllables so the rhythm would be the same, but my brain tripped up on the 'for no' for some reason.

Colors of the galaxy appears in my sight

this is a grammar one, but you don't need the 's' in 'appear'

The silence every night / Make me ears ring like crazy

I think this felt a little clunky. What about, 'the nightly silence' instead?

I think these tweaks make the poem a little more cohesive and concise but overall I really enjoyed reading this. You've got some vivid imagery and emotive language and I think it really conveys the sense of frustration we get when we just can't sleep!

Thanks for sharing and happy Friday!

Icy




AkuRashomon says...


thanks a lot! I posted this story because I wanted some people to help me fine some errors. I appreciate the review c:

have a happy Friday too!



AkuRashomon says...


*find

sorry clumsy me c:




If you don't know where you're going, any road'll take you there.
— George Harrison