Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Narrative

12+ Mature Content

My Best Friend is Gay.

by lakegirls


My best friend is gay.

He tells me this as we’re walking

down the street eating ice cream.

I’m 10, he’s 12.

I don’t really know what ‘gay’ means,

so I ask him.

“It’s when a boy loves a boy

or a girl loves a girl,” he tells me.

“Well, I love, Sophie,” I respond.

He chuckles. “Not in that way, Kate.”

His laugh is bitter and I think

he’s mad at me for being stupid.

Then I see tears, coming from his

brown eyes that are always happy.


My best friend is gay.

He cries about this as we sit on my bed,

I’m holding an icepack to his bruised lip.

I’m 13, he’s 15.

I know what gay means now,

it’s when a boy loves a boy

and a girl loves a girl.

It is not a bad thing,

but everyone seems to think it is.

Society thinks it is.

“It is not okay to love the same sex,”

our “guidance counselor” tells him.

This person who was supposed to help him,

this “adult” who has made him cry.



My best friend is gay.

He is in love and keeping it a secret,

lying to the world out of fear.

I’m 16, he’s 18.

Being gay means loving someone

you’re not supposed to.

When a boy loves a boy,

and a girl loves a girl.

I don’t see what is wrong with it,

but society makes it seem like

a crime.

He finishes school next month,

he’s moving away then to be with

the guy he loves.



My best friend is gay.

He’s too afraid of society and the judging

eyes that it casts against him.

I’m 19, he’s 21.

Being gay means you cannot marry

who you want,

because you are a boy who loves a boy,

because you are a girl who loves a girl.

It’s untrue, unfair, unjust.

Love is love.

He is loved.

Mason loves him.

Society needs to understand

that it is not wrong.



My best friend was gay.

I cry about this while I sit in

  the hard church pew.

I’m 22, he was 24.

Being gay is when a boy loves a boy

and when a girl loves a girl.

It’s what killed my best friend,

because he was a boy who loved a boy.

Some malicious monster hit him

until he was so bloody and broken,

until he couldn’t breathe.

He is dead for being in love

with someone he "shouldn't".


My best friend is dead.


*Disclaimer: this is not based on real events*


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
106 Reviews


Points: 8527
Reviews: 106

Donate
Fri Sep 18, 2020 1:10 pm
Valkyria wrote a review...



This is so heartbreaking.

It starts off okay enough when they're eating ice cream and her friend mentions he's gay, but he doesn't love boys the way the narrator loves Sophie. There's an underlying sadness in the first stanza.

It gets darker as the poem progresses. Her friend is shunned from the guidance counselor who is supposed to help him. That makes me so mad. Him being gay is becoming more serious as society views him as something dirty until someone finally kills him.

Throughout the poem, the narrator mentions "My best friend is gay" at the beginning of every stanza. The last line is "My best friend is dead." That's a punch in the gut.

This is a beautiful poem.




User avatar
170 Reviews


Points: 466
Reviews: 170

Donate
Mon Sep 14, 2020 6:25 am
View Likes
Vil wrote a review...



This.

This is what is wrong with our world today

This is something that has always been wrong with our world.

There is nothing wrong with being gay. Not one thing. As a heteorflexible that has crushes on a couple of guys and a couple of girls, I took the ending of this poem in a harsh, cruel way. It is no wonder that this is the most-liked, most-viewed, most-reviewed poem on this site.

In an era in which people are persecuted for things that should not matter in the way that they do-- religion, gender roles, sexuality-- you have evoked emotions inside of me that I have not felt in months, emotions that a part of me wanted to forget about, a part of me that I wanted to pretend did not exist. But, by waking that part of me up, and thus opening my eyes and my heart, you have moved me in a way that I did not expect. Most works do not push me to tears. I think that had I not cried tears f joy earlier today, I would have cried tears of beauty in these moments.

For some, maybe "gay" isn't the word they need to focus on here. It can be replaced with many words-- Muslim, rich, poor, sick, trans, black, white, brown, yellow, etc. In this world of intolerance, we need to find tolerance within ourselves and share it with the world.

Thank you so very much for writing this beautiful poem. You have had a profoud effect on me.

-Vilnius




Random avatar

Points: 8
Reviews: 15

Donate
Tue Mar 24, 2020 12:18 am
EvaR14 wrote a review...



This is heartbreakingly beautiful. I like how, as the poem progresses, the problems the friend faces grow more serious. In the first section, it is casual, brought up while eating ice cream. Then Kate realises that society views being gay as wrong, then it's like a "crime", and then he's dead. It really shows what it's like growing up gay and how, even if it seems perfectly innocent to you, you gradually realise that not all people have this same view.

The repetition of "My best friend is gay", and then this being subverted with "My best friend is dead." is really hard-hitting.
Thank you for writing this :)




User avatar


Points: 339
Reviews: 3

Donate
Mon Feb 10, 2020 11:55 pm
Oshan says...



Wow, it's beautiful!

I want to cry now… (╥﹏╥)




User avatar
760 Reviews


Points: 31996
Reviews: 760

Donate
Mon Feb 10, 2020 7:58 pm
ExOmelas says...



How have I never liked this before in all my time on YWS wow. Have finally rectified :)




User avatar
431 Reviews


Points: 13818
Reviews: 431

Donate
Sun Feb 09, 2020 7:22 pm
View Likes
Liberty says...



It's in the spotlight again!!! I love this poem so much. Def tells us how society is nowadays.




User avatar
112 Reviews


Points: 979
Reviews: 112

Donate
Mon Dec 23, 2019 9:43 pm
LZPianoGirl wrote a review...



This piece was wonderful! It had such a deep meaning to it, and it really showed that a life is a life, no matter what you think, feel, or believe. You say this is not based on actual events, but this story is like the one of Matthew Shepherd, who was beaten to death and died on 10/6/98. Your grammar, spelling, and punctuation was all wonderful too. I have nothing else to say, it was just so great. Keep on writing and Merry (early) Christmas! Have a Happy New Year!




User avatar
16 Reviews


Points: 617
Reviews: 16

Donate
Mon Dec 23, 2019 2:25 am



Absolutely beautiful. Keep it up!




User avatar
17 Reviews


Points: 1011
Reviews: 17

Donate
Wed Oct 30, 2019 5:07 pm
erinr05 wrote a review...



This poem as beautiful.
It's thought-provoking and the replacement of "my best friend is gay" with "my best friend is dead" is heartbreaking - it shows how the "wrong" sort of love is too often treated with hatred and results in something awful, like death.
The repetition of "when a boy loves a boy and a girl loves a girl" really shows how simple it really. It's not wrong, or perverted. It's simply love.
The change in the friends emotions/experiences is also heart-wrenching to read. How they start off with a "chuckle", then we see his tears.
It's a sad truth about many communities (thankfully not all, and thankfully they're improving) and how they demonise and abuse people just because they're gay.
Regardless of their opinion on homosexuality, the fact that they take their disagreement to the level of violence is sick.

This was a very emotional and relevant poem, thanks for writing it.




User avatar
6 Reviews


Points: 1
Reviews: 6

Donate
Tue Jul 30, 2019 1:38 pm
View Likes
Sujit wrote a review...



The poem gives us a true realization that there are faults in our society. The victim has been killed for loving a person. It tells us ow the society tried to suppress his love. At the end unable to do so, the society got rid of him. It shows us that we have restrictions set in our life. These restrictions were set by us. This should not only be seen by us, kids but also be seen by everyone in the world. Even though it has not taken place in real life it feels so real and so sad. We require more authors like you in the world who question the restriction and promote liberty.




User avatar
52 Reviews


Points: 30
Reviews: 52

Donate
Sun Jun 09, 2019 11:41 pm
View Likes
ToxicAnglerFish wrote a review...



This poem is amazing! It's so heartbreaking yet really speaks the truth about our society's around the world and how gay people are still hated on. I really like the message about this poem and I think it should be submitted to some LGBT magazines or books in the making maybe? I feel like more people should see this!!




User avatar
26 Reviews


Points: 363
Reviews: 26

Donate
Fri Nov 02, 2018 9:47 pm
View Likes
sophies36 wrote a review...



I just want to say that I cried when reading this because it is so true in our society. more people need to know that it is okay to be gay or lesbian or trans or anything! you are who you are and this poem is so amazing that it deserves to be read by more people. im still crying now because your power with words is so beautiful and I know you'll go very far with it. good job and write on.




User avatar
135 Reviews


Points: 248
Reviews: 135

Donate
Sat Aug 25, 2018 3:37 pm
View Likes
lakegirls says...



Thank-you for all the wonderful comments and reviews! I’m floored by how much this poem has touched people and how many people have commented on it/read it.




User avatar


Points: 91
Reviews: 2

Donate
Tue Aug 07, 2018 1:44 pm
View Likes
kate2020 wrote a review...



Hey, I'm reviewing this even thought it's a little late.

This poem made me cry and I'm not even ashamed of it. Having a gay brother I have thought of these types of things before. The world is so scary out there. No one can be who they want to be, unless society tells them yes. Reading this gave me hope that I'm not the only one out there who thinks this is wrong. I just wanted to thank you for this beautifully written poem. You will go places, I just know it.




User avatar
21 Reviews


Points: 1352
Reviews: 21

Donate
Wed Apr 25, 2018 5:39 am
View Likes
Namjoon2003 wrote a review...



Hello, I'm reviewing your amazing inspirational poem.

I really like this. This really shows what your best friend went through, and how you helped him when society was ready to put him down.

Your poem goes through the life stages starting from when he finally comes out, all the way to when society does actually get to him. This actually speaks to me in a way because I have a best friend that is gay, and society(people in his school) were ready to put him down, but now he isn't afraid to let anyone know that he is gay.

Your poem also has a repetitive flow. By repeating the best friend, it's like you were trying to say "Even through all of this is happening, this is still my best friend." Like you were owning that you were always there for him through the hard times during his life.

Also, by stating "It's when a boy loves a boy and a girl loves a girl." you would put your opinion after you would put this. that shows that you don't care about who a person is in love with. It also shows that you agree with lgbt community, and that you don't see anything wrong with dating someone that you truly love.

What I think(just my opinion) the message you were trying to send out was that society judge people enough to where they end up dying, or society is showing to much hate to the gay community, and they need to calm down with all that.

Anyway, this was a very inspiring/inspirational poem about society judging the gay community, I really enjoyed readying it. Keep up the good work!

~Namjoon~




User avatar
12 Reviews


Points: 775
Reviews: 12

Donate
Mon Apr 02, 2018 5:56 pm
View Likes



Beautiful! I am kinda the best friend, but I am not dead.




User avatar
113 Reviews


Points: 181
Reviews: 113

Donate
Thu Feb 15, 2018 3:08 pm
View Likes
Bellarke says...



WHYHYYYYYY is he dead????!!

I love hoe this is put is sections.
Organized. Same though my best friend is gay, too.

"My best friend is gay.

He tells me this as we’re walking

down the street eating ice cream.

I’m 10, he’s 12.

I don’t really know what ‘gay’ means,

so I ask him.

“It’s when a boy loves a boy

or a girl loves a girl,” he tells me.

“Well, I love, Sophie,” I respond.

He chuckles. “Not in that way, Kate.”

His laugh is bitter and I think

he’s mad at me for being stupid.

Then I see tears, coming from his

brown eyes that are always happy.My best friend is gay.

He cries about this as we sit on my bed,

I’m holding an icepack to his bruised lip.

I’m 13, he’s 15.

I know what gay means now,

it’s when a boy loves a boy

and a girl loves a girl.

It is not a bad thing,

but everyone seems to think it is.

Society thinks it is.

“It is not okay to love the same sex,”

our “guidance counselor” tells him.

This person who was supposed to help him,

this “adult” who has made him cry."

That is my favorite part.


Good job!!! You are great at this.




User avatar
29 Reviews


Points: 0
Reviews: 29

Donate
Sat Dec 16, 2017 7:49 pm
View Likes
lemonboi wrote a review...



Oh my goodness! This is beautiful, I was on the verge of tears while I read this. And I was literally frozen with shock when I read the disclaimer because I honestly believed this. It felt so real to read. One of my friends is lesbian and people are always picking on her for who she is. She's been so strong so far and I hope for a long happy life so far. I mean even her parents literally tell her "We're going to treat you like a slave." And took everything away from her because they think it's convinced her about "false theories." A while ago, she gave me a scare because her brother came running to our house asking, "Is my sister here?" and I flipped out. But don't worry they found her. Thank you for writing this I'm totally showing her!!! I don't even know how this isn't a true story because it's written so amazingly!




Random avatar

Points: 64
Reviews: 2

Donate
Wed Nov 22, 2017 2:53 am
View Likes
fictionwriter89 says...



An absolutely gorgeous, devastating work of art. No criticism here. Only the highest praise. It's a poem but works also as a short story. I loved it. Please continue to write. I'll be reading this poem again.




User avatar
10 Reviews


Points: 49
Reviews: 10

Donate
Tue Nov 21, 2017 5:22 am
View Likes
TheLeakyPen says...



I just ran over to my best friend's house and screamed into her ear "YOU NEED TO READ THIS POEM!!!!!!!"
This is amaaaaazing. It is a shame you don't look at this anymore but oh well. I'll send you a message through out writer's brains. YAYYYY

THIS IS SO GOOOD




User avatar


Points: 200
Reviews: 0

Donate
Tue Nov 21, 2017 3:54 am
View Likes
lovelady430 says...






User avatar
176 Reviews


Points: 2383
Reviews: 176

Donate
Mon Nov 20, 2017 11:13 pm
View Likes
sheyren says...



I have gone back to this piece several times, because it's a beautiful work of art. Congratulations on the reception, because it was definitely earned. It's a shame you don't still come back to check on this, or you would see how many more people's hearts you've touched with a single poem. Poetry is designed to bring about emotion or stir up feelings. If this isn't a prime example of poetry, I'm not sure what is. Thank you for making my day so many times by having written such a powerful piece.




User avatar
61 Reviews


Points: 983
Reviews: 61

Donate
Mon Nov 20, 2017 8:08 pm
View Likes
StuckOnEarth wrote a review...



Heyo! Space here for a review!

I clicked on this, not quiet knowing what to expect, but what I got was wonderful! The stanzas, the theme, everything was so heart-felt and touching. The lesson it teaches is great, and it leaves the reader so emotionally moved.
You truly achieved writing an amazing poem.

I don't have much complaints or suggestions, really. It doesn't rhyme, but some poems don't and it really fits this one. Some lines are longer then others or uneven, but that is also fine because of the fact that you're telling a straightforward story in poem form.

I love this! Great job!

-Space




User avatar
58 Reviews


Points: 199
Reviews: 58

Donate
Mon Nov 20, 2017 5:28 pm
View Likes
IzzyIsHappy says...



This is amazing....just...amazing




User avatar
200 Reviews


Points: 14056
Reviews: 200

Donate
Mon Nov 20, 2017 4:16 pm
View Likes
LittleLee says...



Oh... Oh, my... this is, sincerely speaking, the BEST poem I have EVER read.




User avatar
26 Reviews


Points: 2580
Reviews: 26

Donate
Sun Nov 19, 2017 6:59 pm
View Likes
AtlasW says...



This is in the spotlight again! Love this poem <3




User avatar
12 Reviews


Points: 107
Reviews: 12

Donate
Sat Nov 18, 2017 10:50 pm
View Likes
Tylexie says...



I almost cried reading this.




User avatar
17 Reviews


Points: 131
Reviews: 17

Donate
Mon Nov 13, 2017 9:05 am
View Likes
wordwing says...



This is just too beautiful. I can't even...




User avatar
54 Reviews


Points: 524
Reviews: 54

Donate
Tue Oct 17, 2017 12:51 am
View Likes
StupidSoup says...



Bought to you by YWS spaghetti code




User avatar
364 Reviews


Points: 15980
Reviews: 364

Donate
Mon Oct 16, 2017 11:38 pm
View Likes
zaminami says...



oMG THIS IS IN THE LIT SPOTLIGHT AGAIN




User avatar
62 Reviews


Points: 2003
Reviews: 62

Donate
Mon Oct 16, 2017 10:01 pm
View Likes
Poopsie says...



its a blaaaast from the paaaaast




User avatar
7 Reviews


Points: 37
Reviews: 7

Donate
Mon Oct 16, 2017 8:52 pm
View Likes
StaticScum wrote a review...



I love what you have here. I want to make that clear before I continue, this is a strong piece on its own, I'm just throwing out my ideas if you were ever curious about playing around with this poem for future drafts.

You have a strong story here, I know who the characters are, I have a strong idea of the scenes painted in each stanza and it's done in a creative way, for example, I absolutely love the I'm this age, he's this age thing you did throughout the piece, it really brings a strong punch for that final stanza. One thing that I'd recommend playing around with is instead of having "I'm 22, he was 24." make it two separate lines like "I'm 22, he/ Would be 24." You really built that up through the whole piece, I'd say you've earned a line that really savors that earth-shattering line.

I'd also recommend maybe instead of him being beaten to death that he commits suicide because his parents found out about his secret lover, something that ties the whole piece together. Right now this whole poem flows really well together, even though there's a separation of time between each stanza, what was mentioned in the previous one usually ties in with something that was said beforehand. That doesn't really carry over with that last stanza. I'm not saying that it's not a powerful scene already, however it is a bit anticlimactic to end where this character is just beat to death by some person we never meet or know about. Maybe that's how you want it to go, but I'd suggest playing around with something along those lines, might lead to something interesting.

Thanks for sharing,
Static Scum




User avatar
26 Reviews


Points: 2580
Reviews: 26

Donate
Tue Aug 08, 2017 11:44 pm
View Likes
AtlasW says...



S*** my name is Mason! That really hit home for me, not just bc my name is Mason :3




User avatar
110 Reviews


Points: 2844
Reviews: 110

Donate
Tue Aug 08, 2017 11:44 pm
View Likes
RavenLord says...



Wow. I have no words.

This was riveting. It was tragic, moving, and absolutely perfect. There was nothing I could find wrong and I swear to god you need to get this published somewhere. Well done, my friend.




User avatar
55 Reviews


Points: 4517
Reviews: 55

Donate
Sun Jul 23, 2017 7:39 am
View Likes
DarshayataDeka says...



This poem is so, so, so true and relevant and well written. Made my eyes moist. I support your views. Keep writing!




User avatar
297 Reviews


Points: 22674
Reviews: 297

Donate
Thu Jul 13, 2017 8:48 pm
View Likes
whatchamacallit says...



This is so good!
I think you really got the point across.
And you're right! There's nothing wrong with it!
Keep writing!




Random avatar

Points: 200
Reviews: 0

Donate
Mon Apr 10, 2017 11:54 am
View Likes
Sugarrush says...



Hello lakegirls,
It's a very touching poem and it literally made me cry.
I have seen my friend struggle for a year trying to hide what he truly was and following what society preached as LOVE.
I don't know if things are going to change but I hope to god that people won't be afraid to fall in love with whom they want and not be dictated by society 'S definition of love.




Random avatar

Points: 0
Reviews: 75

Donate
Mon Mar 13, 2017 9:29 pm
View Likes
MeisterChan wrote a review...



Hey, lakegirls! It's ScytheMeister here for a quick review (a bit late, however).

This was beautiful! I loved it, it was so heartfelt and moving. There was nothing at all negative about this, you wrote and structured it perfectly.

I do, however, have one slight nitpicky issue.

My best friend is gay.
He tells me this as we’re walking
down the street eating ice cream.


Here you write: He tells me this as we're walking, down the street eating ice cream."

The lines did not seem to flow as they should. I would change "we're" to We are, it just fits in better with the sentence and is much easier to read. And also, I would advise re-adjusting the sentence "Down the street eating ice cream."

Here is what I suggest:

My best friend is gay.
The news came to me as we were walking,
He told me over the chill of our Ice cream.



Great work, I truly loved this! It was mesmerising and beautiful! :D

- ScytheMeister




User avatar
364 Reviews


Points: 15980
Reviews: 364

Donate
Mon Mar 13, 2017 9:24 pm
View Likes
zaminami wrote a review...



Hi @lakegirls , Kara Stevens here for a (hopefully) quick review!

So I don't have any criticism for you. That's how perfect this poem is. This is a very moving poem that deserves to be in the spotlight.

This is actually very personal because my uncle is gay and he's actually engaged but he's not marrying because Donald Trump, Chick-Fil-A, and the people in his town don't support gay marriage. It hasn't gotten to the point where this happened, but... this really touched me.

Keep up the good work!

--Kara Stevens




User avatar
19 Reviews


Points: 181
Reviews: 19

Donate
Fri Mar 10, 2017 9:24 pm
View Likes
ghost223 says...



This just killed me inside




User avatar
99 Reviews


Points: 603
Reviews: 99

Donate
Sun Oct 30, 2016 4:04 pm
View Likes
Remington38 wrote a review...



Remington38 here,

Wow I don't know if I can tell you anything you haven't already heard, but this is so wonderful it needs to be said again. This was poetic and beautiful and elegant despite how dark the ending was. I honestly was watering up a bit, it was sooo good. The repetition was a perfect decision. It was simple, but I feel like that was the reason it was most effective. This packed a hard emotional punch towards the reader. I really don't k ow what else to say. It was beautiful and you are a very talented writer.




User avatar
95 Reviews


Points: 4906
Reviews: 95

Donate
Sun Oct 30, 2016 3:30 pm
View Likes
Gymnast2801 wrote a review...



Hi there lakegirls, its Gymnast2801 here with a review for The Black Cat Squad!

Wow. Just wow. This is truly powerful. I have the same views of this main character. This shouldn't be a crime. I don't know excatly where my feelings stand on this. I know it isn't right in the Catholi-Church-type-way (which is what I am) but heck, I don't care. I'm not going to judge someone by their choices like this or by their likes and dislikes. I'm just going to treat them with the same kindness that I would treat any other person because it would make me wrong to treat these people differently. After all, they're still people. They still deserve to be treated kindly and not be judged every moment of their lives. I know someone who is gay and he is one of my closest friends, and I wouldn't change a thing about him!

Anyway, that's my view on this and a really love your poem!
Please keep writing things like this!
-Gymnast2801 for The Black Cat Squad!
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/im ... 60k129.jpg




User avatar
93 Reviews


Points: 3737
Reviews: 93

Donate
Thu Jun 23, 2016 12:32 pm
View Likes
Laurenh6 wrote a review...



This is so powerful, and considering that my best friend is actually gay I can totally empathise with it, as I've seen how some people treat her differently due to it. But yeah, this is so creative and I really enjoyed reading it... the use of repetition is just so effective in letting the reader know how the story gradually develops. Well done! I really enjoyed reading this




User avatar
67 Reviews


Points: 152
Reviews: 67

Donate
Sun Jun 12, 2016 11:35 am
View Likes
Charlotte2 wrote a review...



I only just started here, and I came across this poem. I really like how you've repeated the lines "My best friend is gay" and repeated the ages of the characters. I love how you've written about your friend in this poem, because when people are different, they sometimes aren't seen as equal humans. Everyone should read this poem, because it proves that everyone, whatever they think, is equal, and that whoever you feel any kind of love for, is the right person. Well done!




User avatar
44 Reviews


Points: 1590
Reviews: 44

Donate
Sun Jan 17, 2016 9:58 pm
View Likes
writervid wrote a review...



Well, I really don't see how my opinion could help here, but I'll try. You've written a fantastic piece that everyone loves! I'm not sure I can help, but I am not throwing away my shot! So, let's get down to it.

I love the rhythm your poem has, and the mirrored style. You start off every stanza with "My best friend is gay" which makes it far more impactful when you say WAS instead of IS, but it also keeps a steady beat throughout the poem. Not only that, but the ages are keeping that beat going along as well, and it (again) makes it even more impactful because he died young. Not only that, but your last stanza-less line packs a killer blow. I really wouldn't change much.

The one thing I would change was the "Mason" line. It may be important to name the character that loves the best friend, but it also is introducing a character without continuing that role. We understand that there's a boyfriend, but he doesn't necessarily need to be named. In fact, I think that it would pack more of a punch if Mason wasn't named. One of the great things about your poem is that it is fluid; it can pass through characters and time (well not much for time anymore, thank God) very fluidly because it is so anonymous. By naming a character, you're taking away part of what make this such a workable poem. In my opinion, the more anonymous this remains, the better.

Great job! :) I hope this helped!




User avatar
46 Reviews


Points: 5
Reviews: 46

Donate
Sun Dec 27, 2015 6:14 pm
View Likes
KingQueenKnave wrote a review...



My opinion appears somewhat irrelevant, given that this #1 on the literary spotlight of all time. Of course, this is a matter of opinion, even if the majority appraise it. However, I am glad that a work with this subject matter is #1 because it expresses a modern message, even if a few of the comments below me echo archaic opinions, or "hate the sin but love the sinner" sentiments.

Your title is incredibly declarative, which I would have a problem with normally, but these declarations make sense to show change in time- sort of like a story within a poem. The actual story itself is very emotional and plucks at heart strings. Then again, this was of course intentional to outline certain societal attitudes towards homosexuality, which you perceive as being backwards, full of contempt and hatred.

I am not sure if the same can be said for America, given how this work was written before the legislation of gay marriage this year, but over here in England- more to the point, where I live in England- homophobia is not a matter of government and state, i.e. there are no laws which discriminate against homosexuals. Homophobia is taken seriously. Obviously, in the poem, the best friend was beaten to death, so there is a world of difference.

My nitpicks with this poem do not stem from the themes and execution of themes- you have done a really good job at conveying the sadness- but it is with the length. I felt that by the middle point, the idea became a bit stagnant and a bit preachy, even though I agree with what you are preaching- it is, nonetheless, advocating your view point. I also found the ending to be sudden and rather ironic, without intention.

My best friend was gay.

I cry about this while I sit in

the hard church pew.

I’m 22, he was 24.


Not being funny, but would his murderer have been justified by his/her perception of the church? Just food for thought.

This is a great poem. As for its heavy accolades, I think that some of it is deserved, even if it doesn't amaze me or move me to tears. Congratulations on the popularity.




User avatar
405 Reviews


Points: 36
Reviews: 405

Donate
Wed Nov 11, 2015 10:56 pm
View Likes
Eros wrote a review...



Hello lakegirls!!

This is Eros here to review your artistic and BEAUTIFUL piece of poem!

Firstly, Congratulations for 134 likes!! I want you to cross 200. Well... You deserve these likes. You have written great! I liked our presentation. The poem flows well... very well! The main part that I loved is, the theme of the poem. You wasnt to change the perception of people around the world--- The perception that being a gay is not a crime. The perception of seeing gays as bad people. The perception that gays are people to be shunned by the society. I know this perception is wrong. I think that this perception will change, though it will take some time. Anyways, you have done really great! I like your way of expressing facts. This poem is basically, based on facts of worl'd treatment towards gays. But you have expressed them in a very beautiful and poetic manner. I like this unique piece of poetry. Keep writing... For we love to read them!!




User avatar
7 Reviews


Points: 290
Reviews: 7

Donate
Fri Oct 23, 2015 6:35 pm
View Likes
ABHISHIKA wrote a review...



hey there lakegirls...

first things first..I would really simply like to thank you for raising this topic out loud in the public through your awesome poetry. I really loved the way you presented the current scenario of the society in such a simple yet touching manner.

I like the way how you narrated the passing away of ages; from being a child who's 10, innocent and unaware of the world's ideologies about being gay to a mature 22 year old who actually thinks that love is for everyone and that everyone has the right to love and very much the right to decide whom to love.

And finally the narration of his the incidents leading to the person's death is truly successful in bringing out the cruelty that is bestowed on them by the society for simply being gay even without presenting a valid reason.

truly a great piece of literature and really appreciate it.

All the best! and looking forward to your upcoming posts.




User avatar
7 Reviews


Points: 600
Reviews: 7

Donate
Sat Oct 10, 2015 1:13 pm
View Likes
AJb wrote a review...



Wow. Thank you for that. I am relieved that it's not based a real events, but it happens all the time, so I can't be too happy. From the beginning, I loved it, and wanted to know more and hear the whole story. I was struck with sadness when I saw the word was, knowing what was coming and what that meant. And though, we can't change society's mind about this topic, we can change some people's perspective and understanding. I love this being out there for people who don't know or for kids and teens to read this. I am not an expert on poetry, but everything flowed beautifully, and had an affect which I think is the biggest goal for a poem. I cannot find anything wrong with this. I am going to share this, so at least a few more people will see it. Thank you again. Keep up the amazing work!




User avatar
62 Reviews


Points: 4357
Reviews: 62

Donate
Sun May 31, 2015 5:15 pm
View Likes
IncohesiveScribbles wrote a review...



Hello lakegirls,

This is a beautiful poem. It is very powerful and I'm glad this isn't based off real events but there are real events all to similar to this poem which is sad. I really like how you reflected the first few lines in each stanza it gave a connection throughout the poem that just tied the whole thing together.

I think the formatting of this poem is appropriate as well. The centered text just flows better for this style of poem. You also chose the perfect amount of examples in this boy's life to share. You could have added more or less examples but I feel you added just the right amount for this poem to be powerful. Overall this is an amazing poem. As always, keep writing

-Incohesive Scribbles




User avatar
414 Reviews


Points: 525
Reviews: 414

Donate
Thu Apr 16, 2015 3:11 am
View Likes
Willard says...



I do not think that this is the best written poem, but you know you've got something special when the poem gathered over 100 likes and presented a controversial topic with a neat delivery, emotion, and punctuation that closes it all. That right there is something few poems have, and dismissing a few technical errors, this is special.




User avatar
6 Reviews


Points: 517
Reviews: 6

Donate
Thu Apr 16, 2015 12:02 am
View Likes
97DecibelFeak wrote a review...



This is a wonderfully executed piece about something, although beautiful, is deemed socially ugly. I love how it opens with such innocence and progresses with age accompanied by learning the often unfairness of life, and then ends with something as tragic and final as death. Unfortunately, this is something [the ending scene] that happens too much in reality.

Pieces, be it poetry are prose, that have an age progression are some of my favourites (and least, in some cases) depending on how they are written. The repetition and close-ups in particular focal points, accompanied by the narrator's naivete slowly turning bitter, is what really makes the concept work so well.

That was reading it with my literary mind, now here's my personal fondness of it. I vividly remember being in the narrator's shoes and having a friend come out to me, and later as well as being in "Mason"'s. Although, fortunately neither of us have reached our demises in such a way. You have successfully created a setting where a majority of people can relate to, being to either or both characters, and that's a really cool thing to accomplish.

Well done. :)

-Sav




User avatar
13 Reviews


Points: 261
Reviews: 13

Donate
Wed Apr 15, 2015 5:16 pm
View Likes
AndrewRayne says...



So many reviews, that I would want to say one other thing.

I want this piece to stay on the front page as long as possible. :)
Marvelous work, and truly... absolutely beautiful.




User avatar
10 Reviews


Points: 270
Reviews: 10

Donate
Wed Apr 15, 2015 2:39 pm
View Likes
Penlorde wrote a review...



This is some incredible work. It really did hit home for me because I too have best friends struggling with sexuality and its consequences. I am so so so glad that you wrote this and that its getting all this attention. You really deserve it! Your work is amazing. I love that you wrote their ages, its such a nice touch. I love the character development. You had me on the edge the whole time. This is really good. I don't know what to say, honestly. Great job! Congratulations on your achievement. I am real excited to see some more from you :D

PenLorde




User avatar
61 Reviews


Points: 1155
Reviews: 61

Donate
Wed Apr 15, 2015 4:36 am
View Likes
hermione315 wrote a review...



It's amazing how many likes this poem has gotten on this tiny website. 109...It's crazy! Congratulations for that.

Since a lot of people have voiced their opinions on this poem and its message, I figured that I might as well do the same. I myself am a Christian, and I don't believe in gay rights. Yet, the Bible also says, "That for God so loved the WHOLE world," and that doesn't exclude a single soul. My philosophy is hate the sin, not the sinner. Hate thievery, not the thief. Hate adultery, not the adulterer. Hate the idea of being gay, not the person that is.

Bullying or killing somebody for any reason, yes, that includes their sexual orientation, is wrong. Period. I agree with that aspect of your poem, but I politely disagree with the part that says that it's not wrong to be part of the LGBT community. It's wrong, just like any other sin is wrong. Sorry if I ruffled anybody's feathers there, but I will always hold strong to this belief because that's what God's Word says. I'm not being offensive, God's word is. It's always offensive, even to the most religious of people, because it confronts the flesh. And that's not a bad thing.

People must remember that the Bible also says to love your neighbor like yourself.

What I liked about this poem: I thought how you stated the character's ages at various parts throughout the poem. It was a nice touch. And your whole poem flowed very nicely. Congratulations on getting so many likes and responses to this work. It was very controversial.




User avatar
416 Reviews


Points: 11899
Reviews: 416

Donate
Wed Apr 15, 2015 3:41 am
View Likes
Nate says...



Wow! Congrats on having the most liked work in YWS history! The closest second is If Random Were a Language, I Would Eat Chocolate by VeerenVKS, and it's a distant second at that (73 versus yours 109 at the moment). On a small site like YWS, accumulating even 20 likes is something to be really proud of. Accumulating over a 100 is astonishing. Good job :)




lakegirls says...


Thanks Nate!



speakerskat says...


WOW serious congrats!



Astronaut says...


Wait, wasn't that Romeo and Juliet thing liked more?

171 likes: Romeo &amp; Juliet: Instant Messaging Edition



Nate says...


Weird. I guess you're right Astronaut! For some reason it didn't show up when I queried the database earlier.



User avatar
230 Reviews


Points: 1224
Reviews: 230

Donate
Wed Apr 15, 2015 3:32 am
View Likes
yellow says...



I am absolutely in love with this. It is beautiful and true in many ways. It is just so overpowering. What is the deal with society? It is your own life and homosexuality. It's sad to see people ostracized just for them being themselves. Everyone is beautiful because they know their imperfections.




User avatar
351 Reviews


Points: 11482
Reviews: 351

Donate
Wed Apr 15, 2015 2:32 am
View Likes
Kanome says...



I've been reading the comments and I am just going to say...
Yes, I love this poem very much because you are expressing your beliefs on the subject.
I am Christian, and you know how in the Christian beliefs, Gay rights is a no no.
But I BELIEVE that anyone can be with anyone, no matter what gender they are. It's their feelings and wants, not the world's.
That's all I can say to that... so... yes, great job on this. It's worth to speak about.




User avatar
11 Reviews


Points: 40
Reviews: 11

Donate
Wed Apr 15, 2015 12:40 am
View Likes
AnonymousPerson says...



This is a strong piece of work and I really appreciate someone who gets this. You wrote about something so controversial and put it so simply I'm just amazed. You write really well and you should keep up the good work.




User avatar
305 Reviews


Points: 831
Reviews: 305

Donate
Wed Apr 15, 2015 12:28 am
View Likes
speakerskat says...



I was reading this and I was like I HAVE READ THIS SOMEWHERE WHAT???? Then I realized I wrote a review awhile back . I just wanna say congrats on spotlight and this is still so good....so very painfully sad as well. I'm not gay but I have friends who are bi/gay and it isn't a bad thing at all....it's like race it's something that makes you who you are and you shouldn't be treated differently for it . Thanks for sharing <3




lakegirls says...


Wow! Thank-you so much for commenting on my poem again :) I really, really appreciate it <3



User avatar
158 Reviews


Points: 3874
Reviews: 158

Donate
Tue Apr 14, 2015 11:54 pm
View Likes
Corncob wrote a review...



Hi lakegirls,
First off, I like the simplicity of this. It has a nice tell-not-show feel, which I feel works in this situation. However, this being the case, I didn't feel much attachment to the characters in this poem. I understand that you were meant for this to strike a chord in anyone who has been in the shoes of this best friend or best friend who is gay (or I think that's what you're going at, I might be wrong) but I didn't really get the feel of this-could-be-anyone. I more felt as if you were trying to personalize the characters without enough to details to support them.
Let's get technical here.

I know what gay means now,

it’s when a boy loves a boy

and a girl loves a girl


Hmm. Is that really true? Let's reference to the dictionary.
gay
ɡā/
adjective
1.
(of a person, especially a man) homosexual.

ho·mo·sex·u·al
ˌhōməˈsekSH(əw)əl/
adjective
1.
(of a person) sexually attracted to people of one's own sex.

Not a person who is IN LOVE with the same sex, but one who is "sexually attracted to people of one's own sex." Being gay is not defined to being in love with the same gender, just like being straight is not defined as "being in love with those of the same sex." You don't have to be in love with someone to be gay.

Moving on, the whole "society thinks this" theme I saw in this rubbed me the wrong way. Taking the "society makes me the victim" path or "society is evil" feels cliche and shallow (not you, personally, shallow, but the poem's depth). I definitely think you could have gone deeper with this than just "society hates gay people." Society is such a broad term, and nowadays, is what you're saying---that society is brutally not accepting---really true? According to statistics in this site Canadians (I saw on your little info thing that you're from Canada, so I figured these were the right statistics to go to) are reported as: "74% say they know someone who is what is now inclusively summed up as LGBT — lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender" and "a third of LGBT people say they are in a same-sex marriage" contrary to your "he can't marry because it's illegal" stance. Of course, I am not saying society is now in full swing support of the LGBTQIAP community, nor am I saying it is legal for gay people to marry everywhere. But your "society hates my best friend" take in this poem is very vague. I suggest making this more personal to this guy's problems--the "he can't marry" thing feels a little unoriginal in the first place, anyway.

This section:
Some malicious monster hit him

until he was so bloody and broken,

until he couldn’t breathe.


I agree with Snoink somewhere below me; "hit" doesn't seem near to a strong enough verb choice. Also, the "until he" gets redundant--try taking out the second "until", or rephrasing.

This person who was supposed to help him,

this “adult” who has made him cry.


Love these lines--very powerful and make me think.

It’s what killed my best friend,

because he was a boy who loved a boy.


Like previous reviewers, I disagree. "Being gay" is not what killed him, but simply the supposed reason he was killed. There is a massive difference. That's like saying, "Being a person killed him" when explaining to someone why a crazy guy with a gun goes on a shooting rampage of innocent people. The bullet from the gun is what killed the person, not the idea of why they were killed. This may have been what subjected them to a person's murderous actions, but the reason why someone killed them is not necessarily the reason for their death in general, nor an explanation for it.
In short, instead of saying being gay was what killed your best friend, I suggest rephrasing it to something like "being gay is why someone chose to kill my best friend" so you don't sound like you are assigning the blame to your gay friend for being gay, which I know (or I am suspecting from your opinion previously stated in this) is not what you intended to do.

Hmm. Hmmity, hmmity, hmm. I mostly just feel like there was not enough emotion in this, not enough of my heartstrings pulled. Who knows, I might just have an iron heart ^_^, but this didn't really "make me want to cry", as many other reviewers have gushed. I agree that the way this guy was treated was unjust and cruel, but I didn't feel like you provided me with enough character attachment to really feel the pain. Of course, I sympathize with his unjust treatment and brutal end, but as a basic writing piece, I wasn't very attached.

Other than that, great poem and congratulations on reaching such a momentous number of likes and praiseful reviews! Love the message of this and the context, and, as I said before, the simplicity is what got to me the most. My favorite stanza was definitely the first. It had a captivating-ness that pulled me in immediately and made me hungry for the next stanzas. Hope I helped!

Overall rating: 8/10
Keep writing!
+1

EDIT: I love the age statements you make in this poem; I have no idea what relevance they have to the poem, but I love them! :D




User avatar
155 Reviews


Points: 398
Reviews: 155

Donate
Tue Apr 14, 2015 11:19 pm
View Likes



Holy cow this was good, if I could keep hitting the like/vote button id be to 500,000 by now. Your rythem and words were simple but powerful. Congrats, you have blown my mind.




User avatar
7 Reviews


Points: 339
Reviews: 7

Donate
Tue Apr 14, 2015 6:57 pm
View Likes
selena1227 wrote a review...



Omg this has 100 likes!! That's so awesome!! This was amazing. I almost started crying in the middle of class but I didn't cause that would be embarrassing >.<. I have a couple friends who are gay and I can only hope that something like this won't happen to them because that would make me so sad. This was so beautifully written and I honestly can't find anything that I would change so awesome job! I loved this and I want to read more of your work now! Congrats on the number of likes!! I think this will hit home for anyone who is gay, lesbian, bisexual, etc. and so thank you for writing something that will hopefully make them feel like they are not alone.




User avatar
269 Reviews


Points: 208
Reviews: 269

Donate
Tue Apr 14, 2015 6:52 pm
View Likes
Gravity wrote a review...



I think this poem was really well written and I agree with it completely. Although I've seen tons of gay rights poems and stuff the topic is getting a bit old but I liked this, I thought it hit home. I just think that the majority of people now support gay rights and I think there are other things that are important too. Like women being objectified in society or bullying etc.

So great poem, I liked it, I just don't really see that much hate against gay people (at least not in this country) and I also don't agree with all the hate comments I saw below. Let's just all say what we have to say and leave everyone alone for what they believe :)

PS. I was the 100th like :D




lakegirls says...


You just made my day! Thank-you for liking and commenting! Xx



User avatar
19 Reviews


Points: 241
Reviews: 19

Donate
Tue Apr 14, 2015 4:35 pm
View Likes
hmcg says...



I have know 6 people who are gay and it really hit home for all of them when I showed them this poem. Three of them started to cry. I sent it via email to Ryan Steele (go ahead and google him), he got really emotional and thanked me and told me to tell you that you have a gift. He dealt with a ton of similar stuff when he was in middle school and high school just because he liked boys and dancing. We all thank you.




lakegirls says...


Oh my god. I do know who Ryan Steele is! He said that? I feel like I'm going to faint...



hmcg says...


i also know corey cott and jeremy jordan. I sang/danced with them at disneyworld a few weeks ago... I'm actually with Corey right now!



lakegirls says...


That's so cool! Thanks again for sharing my poem :)



hmcg says...


no prob! Thanks for writing it!



User avatar
135 Reviews


Points: 248
Reviews: 135

Donate
Tue Apr 14, 2015 4:20 pm
View Likes
lakegirls says...



I am completely in awe at the amount of likes and comments my poem has gotten. When I wrote this, I had no idea that so many people would be able to relate to it. I first posted this poem a year ago and thanks to @Firelight it has resurfaced. Thanks to all of you it is once again featured on the Literary Spotlight.

Much love to all of you!

-Nicole




User avatar
3746 Reviews


Points: 2212
Reviews: 3746

Donate
Tue Apr 14, 2015 3:02 pm
View Likes
Snoink wrote a review...



I am glad that it isn't based on real events! Though, judging from the comments, certainly many people identify with this whole situation, which makes me sad.

I like the whole progression of events. For some strange reason (probably because there are three spaces between each stanzas) I at first thought that you were only doing the whole age 10 and 12 thing, and I thought, "Oh, she better not leave it there!" Fortunately, you didn't. :)

Anyway, I just want to point out a couple of things that confused me about the poem! Which... may or may not be helpful. (I don't know... maybe I am just dense? I probably am...)

Stanza 1 is fine.

Stanza 2 is a bit odd because his lip is bruised, but he is crying because of the school guidance counselor. Which is understandable because authority figures saying that you suck and shouldn't exist is bad BUT... I think it would be more of a combination of the two, if that makes sense. So, someone punches him or whatever and then the guidance counselor ignores it because he's gay. And I think if that could somehow be squished in (the betrayal of both the ignorant masses that punched him and the authority figure that dismissed him) it would be more powerful a statement. So instead of talking about Society, maybe you can delve into this a bit more, as a kind of show-don't-tell thing?

Stanza 3 is a bit of a missed opportunity. One of the ways gays are able to keep it secret is to have a fake girlfriend, and I think the narrator would probably be willing to help out her friend. I think that might be a neat development to your poem. Also, Stanza 3 implies that he is moving out of his parents' place as soon as he can because they will not accept his homosexuality. I mean, moving in with somebody that young is not really a good thing unless it's a well-established relationship, and odds are that it is not a well-established relationship since he is so young at 18. Plus, this kind of implies that he is not going to be in college because he is not looking at dorms so much as this arrangement and then coming out then. So, it looks more like a quick arrangement of convenience. Which is not necessarily a good idea. Which implies that his parents don't approve and will kick him out when they find out.

Which means...

Stanza 3.5 is also a missed opportunity because it doesn't actually exist. There seems to be this period in which a person comes out in which they are either accepted by people as a person (yay!) or pretty much disowned by the people who once previously love them. This is a really pivotal, really scary time for those who are homosexual people, which is one of the reasons why coming out is such a big step for those that are lgbtqia. So, the fact that you don't actually have this as a monument and go straight to gay marriage is a bit disappointing. I would probably add this stanza in.

Stanza 4 is mostly okay, except one thing that annoys me. You say that he cannot marry, and then say that this marriage ban on gay marriage is "untrue, unfair, unjust." My bone to pick with you is that the ban on gay marriage is true, depending on where you are. In any case, I don't think that you are saying what you want to say.

Stanza 5 was kind of neat in the way that you tied in the whole church pew thing after the marriage bit, because it made me think, "Oh, maybe he's getting married?" But nope. Anyway... it was a bit confusing. I'm going to copy and paste the confusing part to me and then explain why.

First...

My best friend is gay. <- I would probably just change this to "was" instead of "is" and not italicize it. It's so subtle, it would probably be ignored, but it would make this line more powerful upon rereading.

I cry about this while I sit in the
hard church pew next to Mason.
I’m 22, he was 24.

By saying Mason last, it makes it look like the "he" you're talking about. Which I don't think is true. I might change it to something like:

I cry about this while I sit in the
hard church pew next to Mason
At my best friend's funeral.
I'm 22, he was 24.

Also, while I'm quoting things...

Some malcious monster hit him <-- I think I would have a more exciting word than "hit" here. Also, you misspelled "malicious." (Also... I seem to be repeating a bunch of reviewers here. That makes me feel a bit awkward. >.>)

As far as Stanza 5 goes... I think (and I'm not sure about this... if I am wrong, just ignore me) it is more likely for someone who is gay to kill themselves than for them to be be killed. AGAIN. I could be wrong. But, it almost feels like a missed opportunity to me. But I'm not sure. I think you should probably ignore me and go write whatever you want. :P

I do like what @inkwell said about the "gay best friend" to "best friend" bit. I didn't even notice that. Thanks for pointing that out.

Also, I feel awkward commenting on this, seeing as it's an old poem. BUT. It's new to me. And you seem to still be looking at the comments and reviews. SO. Here we go...

Hope this helps! It is a very powerful narrative.




Corncob says...


Awesome review! (Sorry that was random)



User avatar


Points: 490
Reviews: 2

Donate
Tue Apr 14, 2015 2:42 pm
View Likes
Lexie97 says...



This is really deep. I started to tearup as I read it. I hope to read more of your things.
Keep writing :) xoxo




User avatar
20 Reviews


Points: 0
Reviews: 20

Donate
Tue Apr 14, 2015 1:47 pm
View Likes
Transporter23 says...



YOU GO WRITER. IDIOTS CANT DO ANYTHING. THEY ONLY HATE




Random avatar

Points: 283
Reviews: 22

Donate
Tue Apr 14, 2015 2:51 am
View Likes
deathwave1 wrote a review...



I absolutely love this poem. It provides an amazing look into growing up alongside a member of the LGBT community. My closest friend is gay, and this poem almost brought me to tears because of the parallels I can draw between the narrator's life and my own. Luckily, this friend has many people on his side, defending him, and we can hope for a happier ending. But enough about my life.

As several others have already pointed out, in the final stanza, you say that being gay is what killed the narrator's friend. After the fact that society is wrong was stressed throughout the rest of the work, this seems rather out of place.

In any case, this is an incredibly moving piece. Amazing work.




User avatar
401 Reviews


Points: 1658
Reviews: 401

Donate
Tue Apr 14, 2015 2:41 am
View Likes
ThereseCricket says...



No offense, but this is the most disgusting work I've ever read on this site.




carbonCore says...


if you don't wanna cause offense, how about keeping your opinions to yourself?

on the flip side, don't whine if someone comes onto one of your works and says

No offense, but this is the most disgusting work I've ever read on this site.



donizback says...


That was just a little rude, carbonCore. You should have simply ignored it rather than saying anything.





HOW TO BE THE MOST ANNOYING HOMOPHOBE:

1. VISIT EVERY POEM WHICH MAKES SENSIBLE ARGUMENTS ABOUT HOMOPHOBIA

2. WRITE 3rd GRADE BULL#### WHICH MAKES NO SENSE

3. THEN PREACH OTHERS THE IMPORTANCE OF SENSIBLE ARGUMENTS!



Contest says...


(As TheScratchedAcoustic) and why isn't she allowed to express her opinions, Cc?



TimmyJake says...


^^ what Scratchy said.

There are 94 people who expressed their opinions, and no one has an issue. One person says something against the piece, and they're slammed? Come on. We're better than that. People are allowed to express their opinion.



lakegirls says...


I believe you're allowed to express your opinion, but it's unfair to call my work disgusting. Maybe the topic is disgusting but you shouldn't make snide marks on something someone worked hard on.



Apricity says...


What lakegirls said. Expressing opinion is fine but there are better and more respectful ways to do it. We are all civilized people here, are we not?



deleted5 says...


Nothing wrong with expressing opinions, but saying that a work is disgusting is a horrible thing to say and was made to deliberately cause a reaction I think. If anyone went on your work and said that the majority of people would be upset. You obviously meant offence.
Leave constructive critism next time and leave any "debate" to the forums.



EscaSkye says...


Guys, I think this discussion can be continued elsewhere, such as the SD&D forum, as I don't think this work was posted to have these type of comments.



EscaSkye says...


Guys, I think this discussion can be continued elsewhere, such as the SD&D forum, as I don't think this work was posted to have these type of comments.



EscaSkye says...


Guys, I think this discussion can be continued elsewhere, such as the SD&D forum, as I don't think this work was posted to have these type of comments.



EscaSkye says...


Guys, I think this discussion can be continued elsewhere, such as the SD&D forum, as I don't think this work was posted to have these type of comments.



EscaSkye says...


Guys, I think this discussion could be continued elsewhere, such as the SD&D forum. There's already a thread on the topic, I believe, started by DrFeelGood.



Corncob says...


Yeah, Therese, that's a really offensive thing to say. Of course you're allowed to express your opinion, and don't deserve to have your opinion "slammed" as if it isn't valid. But your phrasing, as AlexSushiDog said, is cruel and offensive. "No offense" doesn't soften that in any way.



Corncob says...


Constructive criticism is key :)



LadySpark says...


@ThereseCricket

I think you need to check this out: Tough Love or Just Being Mean?



Snoink says...


You clearly didn't read the story that was posted on YWS several years ago that somebody wrote which shipped me (as Snoink) out with Justin Bieber in a graphic (and very poorly written) sex scene. Now, that was pretty disgusting. >.> (The work was thankfully deleted!)

On another, somewhat related note since we're both Catholics and Catholicism is awesome, I just want to point out that there are gay people who are fully in communion with the church who are struggling with the issues presented in this poem (such as acceptance, their sexuality, their struggle with the idea that they will never marry, and so on) and, at the same time, trying to be faithful to Jesus Christ. I know a handful of them. It's not a very easy thing to do... in fact, it may even be harder than just being gay (which is already difficult in itself, don't get me wrong) because not only are they spurned from the religious community ("How can you be gay and a practicing Catholic?!") but they are spurned from the gay community as well ("How can you resign yourself to chastity in accordance with the beliefs of a religion that hates you?!")

This sort attitude makes gay Catholics very reluctant to ever come out, which makes it even more awkward because many are constantly asked, "So, when are you going to marry?" or having someone try to "set them up" with another person because they're not trying hard enough to get married and so on. When they do come out and admit that they are gay and that's why they have been single for so long, they usually get the kind of firestorm that I mentioned above. Or they are suddenly harassed by people who are suddenly very interested in them having a vocation. People who have never bugged them about vocations before and are dismissive about their children joining a religious order are suddenly keen on them becoming a religious and then become furious when the gay Catholic insists that they do not hear a calling or vocation. And then the gay Catholic has their Catholicism and/or homosexuality questioned again. :P As you can probably imagine, this entire process is highly discouraging (sort of an emotional martyrdom if you will) and many of them fall away from the church as a result. Or, they keep their homosexuality as a very closely guarded secret.

Anyway... what I am trying to say is that many of our brothers and sisters suffer through what lakegirls mentioned, and it's important to realize this and understand what they are going through so we may be able to love them as the brother and sister that they are. (Blah, blah, blah... insert Romans 3:23 and Galatians 3 here.)



Snoink says...


(Now that I think about it... that digression would have probably been better in the Catholic club. :P We can move the discussion there, if you want to, Therese. Sorry for cluttering up your poem, lakegirls! >.>)



lakegirls says...


It's quite alright, Snoink! Thanks for backing me up :)





Yes, you all are perfectly right. No offense doesn't do anything as I freely admit to the fact that I was trying to be offensive. And why shouldn't I be? I am insulting the idea that this work is presenting. Therefore, I believe I'll just cross that little part out.
(I won't be replying in depth to this, as I don't have much time)

Snoink, pertaining to your comment in the Catholicism club. I don't regret this comment in the slightest. I'm proud to stand up for my beliefs, and if any of you have a problem with that... well, then live with it. You expect us to live with the fact that people are homosexual and apparently you are all allowed to voice that opinion? Then live with the fact that others don't support this idea, and find it a disgusting and horrific crime.

I'm not replying to this from now on, so take it to the SD&D if you like.



deleted5 says...


You hate people for what they are born as?



donizback says...


It is scientifically and biologically proven that no humar is born bisexual. Its that extra exposure they get which makes them doing something abnormal. And I am proud of @TheresCricket and I salute her for raising her voice against this. Thanks for that, ma'am.



deleted5 says...


-_- I think I'll just go now



DivineFool says...


@donizback

Please provide any back up to your comments, without using religion as a defence

Here are some links you should read:

http://www.gaystarnews.com/article/so-i ... anet231014

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homosexu ... in_animals

Also, science can't "prove" anything. Science keeps evolving. Light was first a particle. Then a wave. Now we believe it is of dual nature. I'm amazed how you use, it is "proven" without any justification -_-



FireBird99 says...


To be honest, I'm completely with Therese on this. Thanks for speaking out.





No offense, but this is the most disgusting work I've ever read on this site.
You don't have to read it. No-one forced you to. Also, you may perceive homosexuality as disgusting, but to be declarative and melodramatic is childish and reveals more about you as a person than it does your opinion. This is a very old comment, but even still, your ignorance is astounding.





KingQueenKnave, take all your thoughts and your opinion to the SD&D forum, please. Or do it through PM. I'm not interested in getting involved in another discussion that leads absolutely nowhere. Especially since you started it off with calling me ignorant. Have some originality. Anyone who is against homo is always called that.



User avatar
198 Reviews


Points: 577
Reviews: 198

Donate
Mon Apr 13, 2015 10:47 pm
View Likes
inkwell wrote a review...



First off, feminist poetry rocks. Keep it up and ignore the fascists who need to check their privilege.

~

There's an uncomfortable tendency in our generation, perpetuated by pop culture, to commodify queer males, and this poem plays with that. You repeat the line: "My gay best friend" and end with "My best friend." This transition shows that you've stopped commodifying his otherness and simply saw him as a friend, unqualified. The sad part is that he has to die for the narrator to realize that.

I would have appreciated less of a victim narrative, and something that centered less around you (MY gbf, etc.).




Snoink says...


Thanks for pointing this out! I never picked up on the gay best friend transition to best friend.



User avatar
272 Reviews


Points: 15145
Reviews: 272

Donate
Mon Apr 13, 2015 10:07 pm
View Likes
elysian says...



Okay.

Hello, my name is Delonie, but I'm mostly known as Kamryn on here.

This brought me to tears. four months ago my best friend took his life.

my best friend was gay.

This just explains everything, everything. You've done a beautiful job on constructing this. Honestly, I'm speechless.


I just want to say thank you, for putting my feelings into words, because I have not been able to.

thank you.

-Kamryn




lakegirls says...


That must have been very hard on you, I'm sorry you had to go through that </3. I'm really glad that even in your painful situation you were able to relate to my poem. It's comments like this that make all the bad ones completely irrelevant. Hugs to you!



elysian says...


<3 thank you!



User avatar
79 Reviews


Points: 3665
Reviews: 79

Donate
Mon Apr 13, 2015 8:51 pm
View Likes



I am simply leaving this comment because it is my belief, I do not mean to be negative or insult anyone. it is just the fact that I do not believe in this due to my religion. I know I will get hate comments back in return for this.
I'm not saying this poem is bad either. I don't think we should be VIOLENT to other people's belief. I'm just saying it's not that of my own.
This being said, I can still be friends with people of any sexual preference. In fact, I have about 3 bisexual friends.
Whatever your thoughts are or beliefs are, I will not hate you for them. Just keep in mind I have my own beliefs as well.
I will still congratulate you for standing up for what you believe in. Just be cautious in doing so, you mind offend other people who aren't trying to be hateful as well.
~Prez. T




carbonCore says...


if you aren't being hateful, this shouldn't offend you





You don't have to talk hateful to someone just because they offended you...





If you want me to, I will take down the comment if it offends someone else. It's just my beliefs, just like this poem was.



inkwell says...


3 BISEXUAL FRIENDS! *impressed*





Yeah. One of them is teased and asked about it quite frequently. I might not believe in it, but I don't find it right to just bug people and taunt them about it. That's just not right. They even ask her to change her preference. They act as if she's some impure monster. Ticks me off, to be honest.



inkwell says...


What's not to believe in? Freud believed we are all born bisexual. ;)





This might get sort of offensive to some people, so for those who do not like religious talk, then it might be best if you do not read this.
I'm a very, very Christian person. I've always been raised that it was meant to be Adam and Eve, and I've always believed in that statement. I don't judge those who choose that preference. I just don't think it was what was "set up to be," if you get my drift.



carbonCore says...


So you don't judge them, but you believe in verses that judge them

yup makes sense



inkwell says...


Nothing was 'set up to be' except by past generations. Some people are born with male genitalia, female genitalia, or both. Society, in the interest of capital, assigns artificial genders to these people in order reproduce patriarchal power structures. Certain gender constructions are more viable for certain economic conditions.

Adam and Eve is just a story your parents told you, and it oppresses the female sex, and by extension any sexuality that threatens this order. If you grew up in ancient Greece, it would be 'set up' that it's perfectly fine for men to have penetrative sex with one another, and 'homosexuality' wouldn't be a word.





I'm sorry, but they're my beliefs, just like you have beliefs. I just left my comment here to show my opinion. I was not trying to be rude or discriminate anyone.
To answer what you said, carbonCore, it does sound oddly contradictory, I know. I'm quite aware of that. I just don't think we should BASH people due to our beliefs.
As for that being said, I will not respond to anything more said here. If you can't handle my opinion, then I will not listen to that of your own.



DivineFool says...


@XPresidentTurtlesX

I think its practically impossible to write a sharp poem on homosexuality without offending someone. You are entitled to your opinion to critizize it. That being said, i still dont why religion always opposes scientific an open-minded thinking. This happens with other religions as well. its sad that religion today divides people.



inkwell says...


Except for the fact that only queers can be offended, because only queers are without power in relation to straights.

Also, keep in mind that your beliefs are not harmless, they result in events described by the poet at hand.



DivineFool says...


@XPrsident

At least I am happy that you didn't lambast this work saying, "it's most disgusiting work ever." And then use "no offence" in your defence. At least you're marginally better than that



RebelWriter says...


Leave her alone. I am a Christian as well, Lutheran, Wisconsin Synod. I don't agree or support LGBT, (gosh I hate labels) at all. They go against everything I believe and have been taught. At the same time I won't be rude, hateful,disrespectful or mean to a LGBT. I'll remain respectful,kind,polite and compassionate with them any anyone else at that is the face of Christ and how I was raised,treat anyone and everyone with kindness and respect no matter who or what they are. Everyone is entitled to THEIR opinion, so don't start bashing and hating on someone because you disagree. It's rude and immature and inappropriate.





Thank you so much!!!



Corncob says...


@RebelWriter I completely agree with what you are saying: people's opinions don't deserve to be bashed. However, I do not see any "bashing" going on here. People are respectfully arguing with someone's opinions. Granted, this should be taken to the debate forums, but from what I see here, someone posted a controversial comment and became upset when people posted controversial comments in response. I don't see anyone being rude or "bashing" people. But, either way, take it to the debate forums, guys.





Oh, don't worry. There won't be anymore debating. If someone leaves another comment challenging me, I'm not responding. You can't change my beliefs, just like I can't change yours, and that's that.



inkwell says...


@Pres: You can change my beliefs, but only after a persuasive argument.

@Rebel: What exactly don't you 'agree' with? Or is that just a passive way of declaring that you only theologically affirm heterosexuals? Also, who cares what you were taught. Try thinking for yourself, it will change your life.



User avatar
47 Reviews


Points: 32
Reviews: 47

Donate
Mon Apr 13, 2015 8:27 pm
View Likes
RebelWriter wrote a review...



You won't like my opinion and it'll receive negative comments anyway, which is not what this website is for... maybe. We'll get to my opinion at the end of this Review, keep in mind I had an open mind when I read this and will remain respectful as I hope anyone who responds to this will also. Now, review time.

'Some malcious monster hit him' and I think you meant 'malicious' monster instead? The last bit, the final stanzas,it would appear Kate is blaming his being gay on his death........ I am assuming that you're point was that society as a whole is at fault for his death, not his decision...you may consider correcting this unless you're character is blaming his decision. Not all of your lines were capitalized, but a general rule of poetry is every new line gets the first letter of the first word capitalized. You may wanna check that you've done the necessary capitalization.
Ok, my errors check is done. Others may point out more or less, but that's what I saw.

Ok.. my personal opinion of your work or gay in general? This is a site on writing... I'll stick to my opinion on your poem, eh? Ok, here we go.

I'm not a supporter of LGBT....it goes against all my beliefs, which I am entitled to, and it goes against what I've been taught. That's all I'll say on that matter. Everyone is beginning to speak out on behalf on those who are proclaiming to be LGBT(I hate labeling,but LGBT is better than *different and gay*) about how mistreated they are, a persons a person no matter how small. I've been watching all these reports on LGBT protests,and noticed that half or most, are started by LGBT supporters but not actual people who are LGBT, which amused me. Supporters use words like, *mistreated, misunderstood, ignored,spurned at*as though they're helpless puppies in need of defense. If I were LGBT I'd be a bit irritated.
Now, I'm not criticizing you and saying you're evil for writing this, just stating an observation. Your work was very poetic and had a nice flow. The age reminders were nicely done. There weren't many grammar issues and this looked like something in a book. Nice work.






Note to Rebel Writer.

When using free verse (no fixed rhyme, no fixed verse or stanza lengths, etc) like this poem, ordinary poetry do not need to be upheld. It creates a certain poetic atmosphere or style to each poem, and makes it unique.
Also, the capitalization of the first words of each line can be omitted when the poet is using enjambments (the flowing of one verse into the other without the use of punctuation, like a run on sentence)

As for your opinion, I actually feel very alike to you. Many LGBT people do get irritated with these seemingly never-ending protests and whatnot (I know, I have a bisexual friend, and several gay friends).
But then again, if it weren't for the people standing up for the LGBT, then they'd never even have been allowed to be part of society, so...



User avatar
191 Reviews


Points: 8890
Reviews: 191

Donate
Mon Apr 13, 2015 7:49 pm
View Likes
carbonCore says...



I challenge a homophobe to write a homophobic poem with more likes than this. umad?




niteowl says...


Um...I think it may have been done, or at least attempted (though I don't think I have seen anything else with 79 likes).



Apricity says...


93 now.



Willard says...


111





142! :D



User avatar
175 Reviews


Points: 1061
Reviews: 175

Donate
Mon Apr 13, 2015 4:48 pm
View Likes
MissGangamash wrote a review...



Congratulations on all of the likes! I've never seen so many! And it makes me so happy that this piece has them because it means that all those people support the message.

I scan-read through some of the other comments and one said that it was quite repetitive and they didn't like that. I, on the other hand, thought that it was used perfectly. Repeating that society thinks its wrong but the narrator didn't understand why drives home the point that the homophobes in society need to get it into their thick skulls that it is completely fine.

I really liked the time jumps between stanzas, it was very powerful that even after the chunks of years between stanzas that nothing had changed for the best friend, he was still hiding.

The information given was also very well disrupted, you only gave enough for the readers to be able to follow but didn't make it too wordy. I'm not an expert with poetry, but to me it flows well.

I think maybe this part-

'Being gay is when a boy loves a boy

and when a girl loves a girl.

It’s what killed my best friend,'

- should maybe be changed. Throughout the poem, Kate doesn't understand what's wrong about being gay but then here it's like she's blaming her friend being gay to his death when that's not the case, it's the sadistic homophobe that beat him up. Kate shouldn't be blaming him for being gay, it's almost like society has warped her brain into thinking that's the case. But if that's what you were going for, the very end doesn't add up to that so it's all a bit confusing there.

You really did have me believing this was all from personal experience and I am so glad that it's not but sadly, what happened in this poem is not uncommon.

Great work. This piece had a lot of heart in it.




Random avatar

Points: 1152
Reviews: 18

Donate
Mon Apr 13, 2015 4:01 pm
View Likes
MaheenYasmeen22 wrote a review...



Oh my god! You nearly had me into tears. You were so much real in your poem, that it almost led me into believing all of this was true. I'd just like to add that there are prejudices against and unfair treatment of the homosexuals in today's world. However, if you compare it to the older times like some decades or centuries before, it was a lot more worse, so comparatively they are sort of getting their rights now - to some extent though. Plus, I have question. I know for sure that the transgenders have biological issues with them. But are people who call themselves gays and prefer other men that is of the same sex, also dealing with hormonal or other bodily issues or is it just their own preference and they can't help it?




Corncob says...


Being homosexual is biological. In your words, people who are homosexual "can't help it", but it is also a preference, just like a straight person has a preference towards those of the opposite gender.


Random avatar


Yes, I was already wondering that. Any ways thanks for the reply :)



Random avatar

Points: 4091
Reviews: 118

Donate
Mon Apr 13, 2015 2:56 pm
View Likes
Reet3103 wrote a review...



Hey.

Oh my god, I love love love love love this! There are many gay people in my school too, and even I don't find anything wrong with it. Your poem gave a great great description of what humans have made out of this world.

I love the "age" concept here. I like the imagery too. And the description of gay again and again. It was just brilliant. Kudos.

Good job.

Keep writing and stay blessed.

xoxo




User avatar
18 Reviews


Points: 379
Reviews: 18

Donate
Mon Apr 13, 2015 1:11 pm
View Likes
krow02 says...



People like you make me happy, people who aren't afraid to speak their mind. I will never be able to be the person I want to be around my parents because they are christian and non tolerant. I hold christian beliefs myself but if I ever came out they would never see me as the child they once loved unconditionally but as a sinner going to hell. So I congratulate you on speaking your mind. Thank you




User avatar
50 Reviews


Points: 242
Reviews: 50

Donate
Mon Apr 13, 2015 11:46 am
View Likes
Firelight says...



I am literally about to cry in the middle of class....this was fantastic




Random avatar

Points: 7676
Reviews: 93

Donate
Fri Oct 31, 2014 1:55 am
View Likes
emeraldfox wrote a review...



Oh my goodness. I am crying my eyes out right now. I am lesbian, so this poem pretty much encompasses everything that scares me about society's perception of me. You captured everything so perfectly and I don't know what else to say. It is too perfect and real. But I love it.

Just a quick correction..“Well, I love, Sophie,” I respond." should not have the comma after love.




Random avatar

Points: 618
Reviews: 1

Donate
Fri Apr 11, 2014 6:06 pm
View Likes
holla98 says...



Oh myy.. This was absolutely amazing. It brought tears to my eyes and made me feel like.. Just aweful. But thats what poetry is for. <3




Random avatar

Points: 940
Reviews: 3

Donate
Thu Apr 10, 2014 6:21 pm
View Likes
LittleMissMegara wrote a review...



Hey!

I think this is full of good intentions. But my honest opinion? This is kind of... meh.

Let me start with the positives first. Clearly, by the Likes this has gotten and great reviews, you struck a chord with a lot of people. That's not an easy thing to do, and it's admirable that you accomplished that. I think the topic is great, telling the story of a gay individual through his best friend. Really interesting. And I love that you did it in a poem instead of a short—it gave it a unique feel.

But the overall execution wasn't flawless. It felt a little overly sad, like you were trying to make the readers ooze with sympathy. I felt some emotion, sure, but not much. Most of what I did feel was overwhelmed by the sloppiness of the actual writing. It felt like you hadn't edited it enough. Rereading this alone would've done wonders for some of the more minor issues, like typos.

Here's one I caught right off the bat:

“Well, I love, Sophie,” I respond.


Leave the commas after "well" and "Sophie," but delete the one after "love." It's entirely unnecessary.

Here's another:

Some malcious monster hit him


It's spelled malicious.

The flow of the piece was okay. Not terrible, not great. It seemed that half the time you were just repeating the same points you already made. I don't mean the purposeful repetition of "my best friend is gay," I mean the other stuff. How being gay's not a bad thing, how everyone else thinks it is, how love is love, blah blah blah. That kind of love-everyone-and-be-kind talk is fine in the right context, but it started to get annoying in this because it sounded too preachy. I'm for gay rights a hundred percent, but even I start to get irritated with all that after a while.

I'd also recommend spelling out their ages rather than using numbers (so 22 would be "twenty-two"), because I think using numbers doesn't look nearly as nice or fit with the other words. They just... stand out, you know? And not in a good way.

I also felt more sympathy toward the narrator/best friend than the actual victim. Why? Because we know hardly anything about him, other than he's gay. I would've liked it if you dedicated a stanza to what else he was, rather than having him be just the token gay best friend that gets killed in a hate crime. Tell us the kind of unique and wonderful person he was! That way, when I found out he died, my reaction won't be "that's too bad" but will be actual tears. It's much easier to sympathize with a character if you know more about them than just their orientation.

He is dead for being in love

with someone he "shouldn't".


This goes back to my point of the whole poem being rather "meh." This is an all right line, but you've said it so many times throughout the poem in one way or another that I felt it was a kind of weak thing to say at the very end. The end should be when you say something really sharp that latches onto the reader's mind so much that they won't be able to get it out of their head. This line, however... it's just meh.

I think a more powerful way to wrap up this piece would've been to say:

He is dead

for being himself.


Anyway. I do think this an okay piece. I think it has some good writing, and I think the premise is great. With a smoother execution, it could've been even better.

Keep writing.




User avatar
135 Reviews


Points: 248
Reviews: 135

Donate
Thu Apr 10, 2014 1:46 am
View Likes
lakegirls says...



I am speechless at the amount of comments and likes this poem has gotten. This is it's forth day on the Literary Spotlight and it is still the second piece of work on it. You guys are honestly amazing, I have never seen this many likes before and it's making me feel like I'm on cloud 9. Thank-you all so, so much!

Much love,
Nicole xoxo




User avatar
35 Reviews


Points: 1352
Reviews: 35

Donate
Thu Apr 10, 2014 1:40 am
View Likes
winterbites says...



I am honestly crying.
This was amazing.
Just, oh my, wow.




User avatar
184 Reviews


Points: 36
Reviews: 184

Donate
Thu Apr 10, 2014 12:34 am
View Likes
RoyalHighness says...



*claps*
*uproarious applause*
*standing ovation*




Verser says...


sweet mary and jesus, thats a lot of likes >o>



User avatar
16 Reviews


Points: 521
Reviews: 16

Donate
Wed Apr 09, 2014 2:16 pm
View Likes
TranscendingIllusion wrote a review...



Absolutely love this poem. No words can describe how perfectly you got your message across. I'm gay myself but that really doesn't make a difference to this review or how I'd interpret it if I wasn't.

I couldn't see any grammar or spelling errors but I couldn't care less if there were; I feel that the poem is so strong, so real and just so meaningful everything else doesn't matter.

Clearly lots of other people love this poem and rightly so, it really touches something important and special.

When I got to the second or third stanza I thought to myself this poem could be 6 stanzas long, or 30; reading about the experience and the lives of the characters really draws you into the poem and I could have read on and on.

Amazing poem




User avatar


Points: 100
Reviews: 0

Donate
Wed Apr 09, 2014 2:12 pm
View Likes
superbambe110 says...



Wow, I just cant believe how emotionally that was. You wrote that perfectly. That was one of the best pieces i have ever read! I loved it.




User avatar


Points: 263
Reviews: 4

Donate
Wed Apr 09, 2014 1:07 am
View Likes
sabrina738 says...



Sabrina here XD

I loved this piece, I am bisexual myself and I know what its like to be judged by society. It's very horrible how people are so judgmental. Anyways you represent society and how gays are judged everyday real well. I do love this very much! this is a sad yet uplifting piece. I also love that you used a best friend relationship and how the friend is so supporting of him coming out in the open and saying he is gay.Thanks for writing, and I cant wait to read more! ~Sabrina~




User avatar
38 Reviews


Points: 3706
Reviews: 38

Donate
Tue Apr 08, 2014 9:33 pm
View Likes
LiptonCookie says...



Goodness.
This was amazing.




User avatar
67 Reviews


Points: 1016
Reviews: 67

Donate
Tue Apr 08, 2014 6:41 pm
View Likes
Ciblio says...



I absolutely love this. Nothing to nitpick at.




User avatar
43 Reviews


Points: 1321
Reviews: 43

Donate
Tue Apr 08, 2014 6:07 am
View Likes
Love says...



Daww... This is amazing :)




User avatar
134 Reviews


Points: 474
Reviews: 134

Donate
Mon Apr 07, 2014 4:31 pm
View Likes
DrFeelGood says...



Outstanding, amazing, brilliant! I can't find any adjective to describe it's beauty. You deserve a standing ovation! Made me speechless!




User avatar
22 Reviews


Points: 451
Reviews: 22

Donate
Mon Apr 07, 2014 1:20 am
View Likes
Paige says...



oh my heavens, you've made me cry!
what a beautiful piece.
I'm speechless. This is gorgeous. You are amazing.
Wow.
Just wow.
Lovely.




User avatar
101 Reviews


Points: 654
Reviews: 101

Donate
Sun Apr 06, 2014 10:45 pm
View Likes
MysteryMe says...



Oh my... this is absolutely stunning. My brother is gay, and this really hit home with me :'). Well done, that's really all I can say.




User avatar
93 Reviews


Points: 184
Reviews: 93

Donate
Sun Apr 06, 2014 9:45 pm
View Likes
Sylar says...



Would it be okay if I adapted this into a screenplay?




lakegirls says...


That would be amazing! PM me about your plans :)





JULIA YOU MUST DO THIS PLEASE



lakegirls says...


I think it's a great idea! I would love to be a part of it, like help pick out character names & stuff like that!





YAY! I promise, if this ever gets made, I WILL thank you.



User avatar
620 Reviews


Points: 11675
Reviews: 620

Donate
Sun Apr 06, 2014 7:28 pm
View Likes
Messenger says...



good thing you put the disclaimer. I think you were making people even sadder :P




User avatar
49 Reviews


Points: 398
Reviews: 49

Donate
Sun Apr 06, 2014 6:34 pm
View Likes
thehotinpsychotic wrote a review...



Hey, thehotinpsychotic here to review!

This was absolutely beautiful! You made me cry, missy! I love how it goes through the stages of life. I also love the line

"It is not a bad thing,

but everyone seems to think it is."

My only nitpick is that I don't like the word 'haters' personally. It seems to cheapen the stanza. Try to come up with a better synonym, because just that one word makes the rest of the lines come off as a little juvenile.

Great job!




User avatar
39 Reviews


Points: 685
Reviews: 39

Donate
Sun Apr 06, 2014 5:43 pm
View Likes
liveandbreathewords wrote a review...



That was really good!

It was beautiful how you went through the different stages of understanding and the viewpoints from their different ages.

I really liked this poem; it, sadly, is true in many cases today. Love is love; we should all accept that.

Anyway, I really liked this and I would like to see more of your work.

Keep writing!




lakegirls says...


Thank-you! I have a couple of chapters posted from my novel! Here's the link to the fist one: The Good Life - Chapter One: Losing It :)



User avatar
135 Reviews


Points: 248
Reviews: 135

Donate
Sun Apr 06, 2014 3:00 am
lakegirls says...



Thanks for all the amazing reviews and comments! Everyone's words have been nothing but kind and super helpful. I'm really glad that so many people can relate to this, I'm happy that my words were able to get across an important message.

For those of you who are familiar with my work(s) you'll know the poetry is not my genre so all the positive feedback has been truly amazing!


Much love,
Nicole <3




User avatar
305 Reviews


Points: 831
Reviews: 305

Donate
Sat Apr 05, 2014 11:15 pm
View Likes
speakerskat wrote a review...



I haven't written a review in forever, but I felt like I must. I gasped when I realized he died. I have two bi friends and I love them dearly. I was curious for a time. But it''s sad that this poem is so real and so true and it tells the story of so many people, and so many yet to be told. I know you realize this. This was a poem that really spoke to me, thanks for writing it. It's hard to find poems written this way with such a message behind them. Your grammar seems utterly flawless so I am not one to ask for that. But I also have friends who are true homophobes, it makes me sad to see people so divided. And another thing, you are right love is love and once we learn to accept that the world will be a better place.




speakerskat says...


By curious I meant that I didn't know what it was , when I was younger



User avatar
130 Reviews


Points: 2667
Reviews: 130

Donate
Sat Apr 05, 2014 11:11 pm
View Likes
Em101cats says...



This is sooooooo sad. Love the repetition. Love how you added in the true feeling. If this was a real event I would feel like life has no meaning (not literally.). This is overall the saddest poem of this subject I have read so far. OMG great job!




User avatar


Points: 300
Reviews: 0

Donate
Sat Apr 05, 2014 10:02 pm
View Likes
OrionX says...



Precious.
In every way. In every word.




User avatar
62 Reviews


Points: 2003
Reviews: 62

Donate
Sat Apr 05, 2014 9:23 pm
View Likes
Poopsie says...



I can't say more than this, GREAT JOB




User avatar
10 Reviews


Points: 228
Reviews: 10

Donate
Sat Apr 05, 2014 8:05 pm
View Likes
ChloeAB wrote a review...



I absolutely loved this and I couldn't stop reading it. I usually don't enjoy poetry, but I thought this was really well written with great fluidity to it. I thought it was really effective the way you used the repetition of 'my best friend is gay' to contrast and emphasise the last line 'my best friend is dead'. You captured this emotive subject excellently and I loved this poem :)




User avatar
1727 Reviews


Points: 94060
Reviews: 1727

Donate
Sat Apr 05, 2014 4:58 pm
View Likes
BluesClues wrote a review...



I think the repetition really makes this poem work. My main suggestion is to break this poem into stanzas, each starting with the line "my best friend is gay," and then the last line, "my best friend is dead," would stand alone. I would also suggest cutting the last "he is dead for being a boy/who loved a boy," because you've already got "because he was a boy who loved a boy" after the "my best friend is gay" that precedes this stanza, so it's almost too much repetition, plus it's a little redundant.

More nitpicky, I'd change "idiot" in the line about the "homophobic idiot" (no comma between those two words, by the way) to something...stronger. Or perhaps more on the dot. I mean, "idiot" is an insult, yes, but...I mean, this was a horribly violent event that the word "idiot" just doesn't seem to do justice. An "idiot" is the guy who cut you off in traffic because evidently he doesn't know how to use his turn signal to let you know he's getting over. A, maybe a monster or a...I don't have a word bad enough for this that is also appropriate to use in a review, but for now let's go with, a "monster" is someone who kills someone else because he doesn't agree with the someone else's lifestyle.

So I hope that helps. Otherwise this was good--simplistic but powerful.

Blue




User avatar
300 Reviews


Points: 16011
Reviews: 300

Donate
Sat Apr 05, 2014 4:38 pm
View Likes
Nyla wrote a review...



Hi there!

Ooh, I love this. <3 It was lovely and heartbreaking and so many things. That ending, too... the "he was 24" line I had to reread, it took me by surprise. Though I guess I should've seen that coming, but I got so caught up in the piece I wasn't trying to figure out the ending.

You evoke a lot of images in the reader's mind, and do it seamlessly. None of them are too much, or too little, just enough to show the reader what's happening. I really admire this.

The repetition of "my best friend is gay" and their ages was a stroke of brilliance. You really get to see these friends throughout the years, all the way to the bitter and tragic end. Loved it.

It was a simple, kind of understated poem that lent nicely to the theme. Almost humble. You weren't trying to do anything crazy with it, just telling a story (in a very eloquent and beautiful way).

I could go on for ages on why I loved this, but instead I'll get to the critical stuff.

Firstly, the formatting. I'm not sure if this was on purpose or not (and if it was, ignore me), but I would've liked to have seen it broken into stanzas. I think it would've looked nicer, neater. Could just be me, though.

“Well I love, Sophie,” I respond.


The comma following "love" should be following "well," instead.

Some homophobic, idiot punched him


The comma following "homophobic" isn't necessary.

Also, I don't really like the use of the word "idiot" here. It seems a little... tactless, I suppose. The rest of the poem is pretty eloquent, so the use of such a meager word stands out. I would change it to either "some homophobe punched him" or "some homophobic know-nothing punched him."

until he was so bloody and broken, until he couldn’t breathe.


I'd remove the second "until"; it really isn't necessary.

Okay! That's all for criticism. Back to praise.

I know a lot of people will probably be able to connect with this, including myself (one of my friends came out to me when we were very young, about ten or eleven, like your character did). It's such a moving and well-written piece, full of emotion. You did an amazing job.

Keep up the great work! :D




User avatar
135 Reviews


Points: 248
Reviews: 135

Donate
Sat Apr 05, 2014 11:43 am
lakegirls says...



Hey guys! Thanks for all the amazing reviews! Fortunatley, this isn't based on real events, I don't know if I'd be able to write on if it was. It's just something I feel really strongly about. Once again thanks for the reviews <3

-Nicole




User avatar
329 Reviews


Points: 99
Reviews: 329

Donate
Sat Apr 05, 2014 7:58 am
View Likes
retrodisco666 wrote a review...



Retro here!

Just want to say I love this poem. I think it is beautifully written, and the context is the sort of thing that hits home to me. I think you have a true masterpiece here, and though my comment review thing may not have that much weighting behind it or help for your writing I just want to say thank you for writing this, and raising awareness for the idiotic notion which is homophobia.

Thanks,
Keep it up.
~Retro




User avatar
132 Reviews


Points: 669
Reviews: 132

Donate
Sat Apr 05, 2014 7:17 am
View Likes
Legibletext wrote a review...



Beautiful, absolutely beautiful. I was totally engrossed in the content of this poem. Was this drawn from reality? If so I am sorry, and that will make it harder to critique this fine piece of work. However, out of obligation, I will pick up on a few minor mistakes in regards to language use.

It flowed fairly well, well enough to serve as relatively rhythmic as poems probably should. However, one thing that put me off a bit, and slightly took away the dampening effect of loss, was the line "some homophobic idiot punched him" ( there was an unnecessary comma in the line as well) it just didn't fit right, it just seems like quick and lazy language. There could of been a more subtle or more affective way of working that line.

Also, I must commend you on the consistent reference to your age, and the reference to being gay. You manipulated it very well and succeeded in telling a story. Good job, the poem was brilliant.




lakegirls says...


Hey! You make a really good point! Any suggestions on how I can fix that line?



Legibletext says...


Hmmm "a morally ignorant man destroyed him"? or "some filth of a human bludgeoned him". I dunno, hope that helped or inspired you to come up with a line.



User avatar


Points: 251
Reviews: 1

Donate
Sat Apr 05, 2014 6:12 am
View Likes
loveinblue wrote a review...



first off, this is very very nice. I mean it. it introduces a concept. I especially like the end when the piece gets more dramatic and likewise realistic. the title interests me too because it's so straightforward and increases curiosity. by the end of the poem, one can almost feel the pain the author has felt. and that's the best part in every poem. keep up the good work. thanks for publishing :D




User avatar
47 Reviews


Points: 2
Reviews: 47

Donate
Sat Apr 05, 2014 5:52 am
View Likes



Aw you made me cry :(. Also my cousin went through the same thing and some how he made it through. I guess some are just luckier than others.

Much love <3




OrionX says...


Precious.
In every way. In every word.




"Be happy, my friend; and if you obey me in this one request, remain satisfied that nothing on earth will have the power to interrupt my tranquility."
— Mary Shelley, Frankenstein