All My Sins

I want to make it very very clear, You are loved by all, Your not sinning. God loves all his children even the Lgbtq+. Your parents shouldn't be forcing you home. You were happy with your life in college. Your parents are the ones who should be accepting you for who you are, not bringing you home to talk to the father of the church. You are Loved and Cared for, Your parents opinion on your sexuality does not matter. If you ever feel like talking please feel free to pm/dm me <3

If you're still there, don't hurt your self for who you are. God made you who you are. Would he have let you be yourself if it were a sin? there are different interpretations about what the sections in the bible about homosexuality. some think that they are pro-procreation passages, telling people that the world needed more people. also, there are many things that aren't culturally appropriate anymore. for instance, i don't stone people to death for stealing my cattle and i don't own slaves. don't tell yourself that who you are is a sin, because god made you that way. if you want someone to talk to, message me at Zaca.

Hey there!
Please please PLEASE don't do this to yourself!! God really can forgive you, if you ask Him and truly believe that He can help you. Also, please talk to someone about this if it's bothering you.
I'm not trying to push my God and my self on you, but I don't want you to hurt yourself.

Hey, I've read some of your other poems and just wanted to say, please don't hurt yourself! God loves you despite your sexuality, and never forget it. I personally have several friends who are LGBT (and I am gay myself), so I can definitely understand how society can really be frustrating sometimes. Good job, I think you did nicely expressing this!

Hi! Back again.

Don't hate me for saying this but... uh... the other poem is wayyyyy better. This one, in comparison, is much longer, unwieldy, and rambling, and not really in a good way because it seems completely implausible. You go from hating yourself to going to college to getting caught in what seems to be an almost comic book scenario to suicide. And I know that I helped inspire the idea, but... let me try to explain myself.

I mentioned college... this is typically a way for students to get away from home and develop an identity for themselves. During college when the student is in a dorm, the way that parents assert themselves is mainly fiscally. I seriously doubt this situation in the poem would happen.

Also, suicide does happen, but the way you portrayed it seems ridiculous and rather shallow. It usually is due to a bunch of circumstances, not just the shallow theology that you portrayed. Serious Christians who happen to be gay pray a lot about this sort of thing because that's what we're taught to do. Others fall away from the faith entirely because they decide that they just don't belong. Or maybe they decide that they just don't believe in a God who is so restrictive.

In any case, it seems that relationships with people changing and the depression as people basically disown you as a disgusting human is probably one of the bigger reasons why suicide happens... which you didn't really mention at all. Yes, it's hard to grapple with the theological points of Christianity, but what's harder is dealing with the people who suddenly treat you as an untouchable, especially when you thought that these people loved you.

Also, it seems really gimmicky that you start off in this poem as your narrator being unsure about how s/he is going to handle sexuality, then the narrator goes to being accepting of sexuality, and then... suicide? It seems random. And then we're supposed to believe that this is a final note? That seems a bit of a stretch.

I think it might be better to make this more like a note and less like... whatever this is supposed to be. If you can make it more like a suicide note, then this will be more powerful.

Hope this helps. If you have any questions, just ask.

Heyo, Cailey here with a review.

I haven't been around YWS in ages so I figured it was definitely time for another review.

So first of all, I'm not going to look at the content of this in the review. I didn't actually read the whole description, my fingers got clicky happy and I clicked away before I finished reading. Oops. But I don't think that posting a poem about a deep subject should spark controversy. So I'm just going to review the writing here and not the content.

I love the repetition. Especially at one point you repeated the word "world" and I just thought it sounded really good and really powerful. Repetition is definitely your friend in this poem and just brings home the point you're trying to share.

Now a couple of comments for improvement. I think you could make this even better by condensing it some more. Right now you say the same thing throughout the poem, so I think you could shorten it up some, make it more of a punch instead of a slow realization.

The ending also confused me a bit, as the second from last stanza the speaker said he or she would never be forgiven but the last lines say they will be forgiven? A little bit confusing, and if the contradiction is on purpose than you should add a bit more explanation.

Finally, I think some more detail would be awesome in this. I'd love to see what makes this one speaker different from any other person coming to this conclusion. Why is this poem different? Add more detail to make this more personal and unique.

Hope this helps, keep writing! Let me know any comments or questions or whatever.
Cailey

Hope this doesnt spark of another controversy!