Hi,
This might be a little rough, but I manged to jot down a few words through my sniffles. Based on a true story.
The wind blew
up against the trees,
while Keisha took
her last steps.
She panted fast,
as she stepped from the
brown and red brick
onto the just cut grass.
Her short breath rattled.
She took her position.
The wind ruffled
her coal black fur
one last time.
Her old paw twitched,
like her final wave goodbye.
Her breath ended,
then her twelve-year-old
heart stopped.
Her tail would no longer
greet me in glee when I stepped
through the door.
I stared into her lifeless
hazel-nut eyes.
My booie was gone.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,742 Reviews
It was truly touching. It reminds me of how my pets died in my hands. It seems that every little animal soul is taken away from me. But then. . . everything must come to a end. I'm so sorry about your dog! But she's is in a happy place now, watching you.
I agree with the guy before
I am sorry for your loss, but to think how you think out in the open is good, to be proud that your dogs last times were with you, you should be proud.
Also just think, she's probably smiling at you now!
Hi Lake Girls!
I'm so sorry for your loss, but I'm glad you were able to write about it.
I think this poem is decent, but I really feel like it's written more like a story than a poem aside from the enjambment that you use, dear. By that, I mean that I feel that there was a touch too much description and a bit too little bit of creative wording, if that makes sense? XD
In the same way, I think you did a nice job with the narrating of important details; it doesn't necessarily have to be anything too fancy to make a good poem.
Nice work here, Lake! Keep it up.
June
Hey,
Not fair, you have me crying here! It's beautiful sweetie! I'm going to PM you, OK?
Thank-you!
I liked it. You could have put some space between verses to form stanzas, but it really was touching...