Young Writers Society

Hey @koinoyokan,

I have one word, and that's WOW! This poem was deep. I don't know if that was your intention, but that's what I got from the poem. Because it was so short, you kept my attention. I only saw one grammar/spelling mistake

"I wonder what it must feel like to be a new comer here." I think Newcomer is one word.

Other than that, there were no mistakes. I love the idea that you've given that the dead are content. I think that the format of the poem, was a little awkward. I think that you could've cut your stanzas down just a tad bit, or condensed them, but you did good separating the different forms. I loved this line

"No, the dead seem content. With the clean-cut grass and the birds for entertainment. As they flit around from stone to stone performing their unknown opera.

You did a great job with the imagery in this poem! I loved it!!! Keep writing, and shining!

~Gigi <3

Hey @koinoyokan,

I have one word, and that's WOW! This poem was deep. I don't know if that was your intention, but that's what I got from the poem. Because it was so short, you kept my attention. I only saw one grammar/spelling mistake

"I wonder what it must feel like to be a new comer here." I think Newcomer is one word.

Other than that, there were no mistakes. I love the idea that you've given that the dead are content. I think that the format of the poem, was a little awkward. I think that you could've cut your stanzas down just a tad bit, or condensed them, but you did good separating the different forms. I loved this line

"No, the dead seem content. With the clean-cut grass and the birds for entertainment. As they flit around from stone to stone performing their unknown opera.

You did a great job with the imagery in this poem! I loved it!!! Keep writing, and shining!

~Gigi <3

This is a very cool way to think about something that is such a scary topic to so many. It says so much with few words.

One question I had: I was a little confused by the question words without a question marks. Was that intentional? It seemed to mess with the flow of the poem.

My favorite parts:

I really enjoyed the last four stanzas. It is an interesting way to think about what it would be like to die.

My favorite line is the last one, especially "when they were just stone and she, just a shadow."

Thank you so much for sharing this unique perspective of graveyards and death. There is a lot of anxiety and fear surrounding death, especially now. But this poem frames it as a state of closure and being content.

Good job, <3

bpmzcpl