In my time I have taken to the habit of hanging out in graveyards. It’s strange how the dead always seem more put together then the living.
All of their homes in neat little rows. And I have never once heard an argument between Frank Eaton and Josephine Ashwell about how Frank’s spruce tree overshadows her plot.
No, the dead seem content. With the clean-cut grass and the birds for entertainment. As they flit around from stone to stone performing their unknown opera.
I wonder what it must feel like to be a new comer here. If I was a new resident would I be shy to all the old withered stones that told dates far before my own.
Or would I be proud of how clean and well-polished my rock was. Receiving gifts and flowers and visits from all these people who never came for them.
Or maybe I would look across at my neighbor Josephine and see how she out lives her husband, son, and daughter by many years.
Making me wonder how did she feel visiting all her family for so long when they were just stone and she, just a shadow.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,619 Literary Works • 673,556 Reviews
Hey @koinoyokan,
I have one word, and that's WOW! This poem was deep. I don't know if that was your intention, but that's what I got from the poem. Because it was so short, you kept my attention. I only saw one grammar/spelling mistake
"I wonder what it must feel like to be a new comer here." I think Newcomer is one word.
Other than that, there were no mistakes. I love the idea that you've given that the dead are content. I think that the format of the poem, was a little awkward. I think that you could've cut your stanzas down just a tad bit, or condensed them, but you did good separating the different forms. I loved this line
"No, the dead seem content. With the clean-cut grass and the birds for entertainment. As they flit around from stone to stone performing their unknown opera.
You did a great job with the imagery in this poem! I loved it!!! Keep writing, and shining!
~Gigi <3
Hey @koinoyokan,
I have one word, and that's WOW! This poem was deep. I don't know if that was your intention, but that's what I got from the poem. Because it was so short, you kept my attention. I only saw one grammar/spelling mistake
"I wonder what it must feel like to be a new comer here." I think Newcomer is one word.
Other than that, there were no mistakes. I love the idea that you've given that the dead are content. I think that the format of the poem, was a little awkward. I think that you could've cut your stanzas down just a tad bit, or condensed them, but you did good separating the different forms. I loved this line
"No, the dead seem content. With the clean-cut grass and the birds for entertainment. As they flit around from stone to stone performing their unknown opera.
You did a great job with the imagery in this poem! I loved it!!! Keep writing, and shining!
~Gigi <3
This is a very cool way to think about something that is such a scary topic to so many. It says so much with few words.
One question I had: I was a little confused by the question words without a question marks. Was that intentional? It seemed to mess with the flow of the poem.
My favorite parts:
I really enjoyed the last four stanzas. It is an interesting way to think about what it would be like to die.
My favorite line is the last one, especially "when they were just stone and she, just a shadow."
Thank you so much for sharing this unique perspective of graveyards and death. There is a lot of anxiety and fear surrounding death, especially now. But this poem frames it as a state of closure and being content.
Good job, <3
bpmzcpl