Kevin wanted to rub his sore head but couldn't reach when he saw Thomas and Flint approach. "You can do wizardry?" Flint asked.
"Yes sir" Kevin said knowing what the sentence is. Death. But his honesty was more important than living, and he knew lying would do nothing.
"You know what your sentence for that is don't you?" Flint asked.
"Yes sir" Kevin answered.
"You don't want to change your answer before it's too late?" Flint asked surprised he was confessing knowing that.
"No sir. First reason being I would rather die in honesty than live a liar. Second reason being a lot of the guard saw me last night, you know this so even if I lied it wouldn't help my case. If I have any chance of living its with honesty. Besides sir, your the most respected knight in our kingdom and my role model. Every little boy here wants to be just like you when they grow up, and your also the father of the most important girl in to me in this village I couldn't face her ever again if I lied to you." Kevin answered.
He looked surprised at the response again, but knew Kevin couldn't be the only one "Well I might be able to have your life spared, you did prove your loyalty to the village, and saved my wife and daughter. But somehow I find it hard to believe your the only wizard here."
"Because you're too sharp for your own good, sir." Kevin now looked away worried where this would go.
"Why do you look away from me now, and what do you mean too sharp for my own good?" Flint said worried and confused.
"Sir, I won't lie to you, but I can't tell you either. You won't want to here the answer. You would probably die if you knew one of the others like me in the village. Also..." Kevin looked towards Thomas " I can't say anything more unless we're alone Flint sir."
He thought about it and dismissed the guards and when they were gone said. "I dismissed the soldiers, now you answer my questions deal?"
"Depends on the questions sir."
"You know what I want to ask." Flint said in a demanding tone.
"Told you already I can't say, nor do you want to hear my answer. But I get the feeling you will have one even if I don't tell you. I will say this, there is 3 others. Finding them is your job though I think they will find you even if I say nothing else, sir."
"Okay here is the new deal" he turned towards Kevin now holding his sword against Kevin's throat close enough to touch but not cut. "You tell me or kill you, I'm gratefully you kept my wife and daughter and village safe. But I will kill you myself if you don't answer the question I asked."
"No offense sir" Kevin looked down and the sword began to smoke and melt. "But I'm being polite and cooperative, I don't have to be. Your not a threat to me either. I was being good because I hoped for mercy and possibly just sentenced to a cell or servitude." He looked at the sword clearly now and it melted down to ashes. "That was obviously impossible, I will do you one last courtesy though. I will walk away from here to see Megan Yukio and Hitomi one last time alone as friends, WITHOUT soldiers. As long as that happens I won't have to hurt anyone here because I REALLY REALLY don't want to, if you allow that much I WILL LEAVE and you will never see me, or hear of me again. Think of it as having a silent ghost that guards the town for the remainder of his life from the shadows as punishment. You know I don't wish harm on the village, and this way we all walk away happy. If you disagree I will have to fight my way out, and MANY will get hurt in a futile attempt. Take your pick." Kevin ignited black to melt the chains he was bound by and walked off to meet his friends one last time.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,009 Literary Works • 672,837 Reviews
Okay this story is steadily getting better which is what I like. I hope my boy Kevin keeps his nose clean and not get to cocky with his powers. Because even though he is the most powerful person in the village doesn't mean he cant become the weakest person in the village. And being cocky is one way that you can diminish your strength not saying that Kevin comes off cocky or anything like that. I am just saying in most books and shows I watch the person with the most power usually become the weakest link simply because the became cocky. But don't ruin the next chapter for me I want to see what kind of character my boy Kevin turns out to be.
Now that I gave you what I like I have to tell the things I found wrong....
Not a whole lot was wrong, it was easy to read and it had a nice flow. The only problem I had with it was just every now and then it had weird sentences so just go back and re-read and proof.
well that's all for now till next chapter
Hello, Kanome here with a review for you.
This chapter is very intense. I enjoyed every part of the story so far. To think that being a Wizard is against the law is absurd. People can't change from who they are. No one isn't normal in this world what we live in. Wizards can do something more that humans can't. That's what I think. Wizards can be good or evil, but the character in this one is a good person. He practically saved the important people in his life.
Anyways, on to nitpicking:
"U keep my back turned to make sure nobody is watching you answer my questions deal?"
You used the text 'U', when you should be using the correct term. Maybe it was just a typo in your part. So small mistakes like that sometimes happen. Don't worry about it too much.
All in all, this is truly an amazing story so far.
Keep the great work, I can't wait to read more of your story!
Kanome - Team Ketchup
It's based in 1400s earth so sorcery was considered evil. Those accused of having it were sentenced to death. By the way love the nickname team ketchup lol. I haven't joined a team yet.
I'm more a honey mustard person myself.
It's based in 1400s earth so sorcery was considered evil. Those accused of having it were sentenced to death. By the way love the nickname team ketchup lol. I haven't joined a team yet.
I'm more a honey mustard person myself.
Hey. I'm here for a review, so bear with me for a moment.
is utterly honest, and doesn't look stupid while doing so. He actually gives sound reasons to back up his honesty, and it gains respect from me. I can see you can make a good character with likeable personalities interesting. Keep it up.
This is an interesting chapter. I haven't read the previous ones, so perhaps my understanding in the whole situation is not as good as it should be.
I like how Kevin (nice choice of a name, by the way
Flint is an understandable character. The way you make Kevin treat him look like Flint is a person with an important position, what with him having soldiers. Now that I think about it, is he the King? Or is he someone else with a crucial role? You might want to make it clear throughout the story.
Your ability to set up the intensity of the situation is satisfactory. Because of Kevin's casual honesty, it does not deliver much intense emotions, but you make up for it using the actions such as Flint threatening to kill Kevin and Kevin in return melts his sword. They are described considerably and that makes the readers able to imagine them to feel the intensity of the situation.
Apart from that, you need to improve your grammar. The most glaring grammatical mistake will be the use of 'your' when you should use 'you're'. It's simple to distinguish them because the former refers to someone's belonging (your book) while the latter is a short form of 'you are'. Also, do not capitalize words in dialogues because if you want to emphasize or stress them, you can do it much better by italicizing them.
All in all, this is a good chapter. I wish it would be longer, however. Remind me if there is the next chapter because I would like to review that one too.
Kevin reflects my real name and personality. All of the main characters aside from a handful are named after a person of significance in my life at some point. Flint was Megan's father, a soldier who works at the castle of their kingdom but is currently on leave. It might have been in a previous chapter I said it. He is also the second most respected knight in their kingdom so soldiers are typically under his command when he is around. As for the last point you made, I'm not good with punctuation.
Kevin reflects my real name and personality. All of the main characters aside from a handful are named after a person of significance in my life at some point. Flint was Megan's father, a soldier who works at the castle of their kingdom but is currently on leave. It might have been in a previous chapter I said it. He is also the second most respected knight in their kingdom so soldiers are typically under his command when he is around. As for the last point you made, I'm not good with punctuation.