Young Writers Society

Hey there, good evening/afternoon/morning/..
I'm here for a short review

Miles and miles of dryland surrounded us as the sunset. Smooth blues and citrus clouds hid behind the plateau. I watched the wavy fence follow us and bugs get crushed by the windshield. He rolled down the window to smoke and the cool summer air rushed in the truck. We had been listening to the same Eagles CD for the past four hours, my ears started to get agitated. When were we going to get there?

“You- you can come out now.” His voice sounded softer than when he demanded I stay.

I walked out to find the two bedside tables moved to the middle of the room; with plates of food, wine, and a pillow on each side. A candle burned next to day-old flowers. I looked at and around him, searching for the torture devices, duct tape, rubber gloves. He nodded his head down, “sit.”

He had emptied Chinese takeout onto the ceramic plates. All I could do was stare at the food. He innocently started to eat. To my horror, he started to hum a song. One of the damn Eagles songs we had listened to on repeat.

“Go on. Eat. It won’t kill you.” He laughed at his own joke. My eyebrows creased as I tore my nails apart. “Here. Look.” He reached over and took my food with his chopsticks. Once he swallowed, I reluctantly started to eat. I was starving.

The rest of our meal was quiet. He tried talking about the weather and the long drive but the conversation ended very flatly. Then he put our dirty dishes in his duffle bag and brought out a pair of pajamas for me. I went to the bathroom to change and he led me to the bed. We both laid down next to each other and he turned the lights off. With my eyes wide open, he grasped my hand. That’s it. He never tried to touch me any more than that.

In the morning, he was gone. Duffle bag and all. He left a bus ticket for me on the bedside table.

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: OKayy...soo...it appears we've got ourselves a very curious and very mysterious scene here. The way it started showed no indication whatsoever of how it was going to end and it made for a nice little surprise there.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Miles and miles of dryland surrounded us as the sunset. Smooth blues and citrus clouds hid behind the plateau. I watched the wavy fence follow us and bugs get crushed by the windshield. He rolled down the window to smoke and the cool summer air rushed in the truck. We had been listening to the same Eagles CD for the past four hours, my ears started to get agitated. When were we going to get there?

Five hours ago, I was leaving the local gas station with a pack of cigarettes. I smiled up at the night sky. Thousands of little lights covered my world, watching over me.

“Excuse me, miss? I have an issue with my truck, could you help me for a quick minute?”

“Oh sure, of course!” I was glad to help. He was tall and rather handsome. He wore a flannel shirt, paired with a dark beard.

He had the hood open, looking at god knows what, I knew nothing of cars. Without glancing up he said, “could you grab me the pliers? They’re just sitting on the front seat.” Willingly, I climbed up the truck to grab the tool. Then I heard the hood slam shut. Before I knew it, I heard the engine roar and he drove off. I frantically tried to grab the door handle, but it wasn’t there. My breathing sped up as fast as my heartbeat and my field of vision became blurry. I instinctually started to scream, looking outside. Four boys were laughing on the sidewalk. Two boys riding in a shopping cart, the other pushing them in roller skates. They were oblivious, living in their own little world.

He gave my arm a blood-stopping grip, “don’t make this harder than it has to be.” His eyes had this malevolent look that made my soul black. His face had no life. This was not the same man at the gas station.

His touch froze me. I didn’t know what to do, I felt stupid, the way I didn’t move for hours. I looked out the window, watching the highway signs and cars speed by. My mind raced with ways I could escape. I could jump out the window! Convince him to let us stop for a bathroom break! I could crash the car, killing us both before he could do anything more to me. I could do anything. I had to do something. I was looking at this helpless girl, making her way to the middle of the desert.

Then he kept quiet for the rest of the trip. It got dark about twenty minutes after we entered Utah. Now I really had no idea what time it was or how long we had been driving for. Eventually, we pulled into a motel with a neon sign that read: MOTEL MIDNIGHT

“Room for two, please.” He asked the receptionist. He had dragged me out of the car with our hands clasped like we were lovers, in his other arm was a full duffel bag.

Our room had a slight stench of piss and one of the lights was burnt out. He brought me to the (once white, now yellow) bathroom and commanded me to stay like a dog. As soon as he closed the door I searched the fly-filled room for anything that could help me. No windows. No nail file. Maybe I could strangle him with the bedsheets? I could run out of the door when I got the chance. All ideas, no action. I was hopeless. In the other room, I could hear furniture moving and metal clinking.

I walked out to find the two bedside tables moved to the middle of the room; with plates of food, wine, and a pillow on each side. A candle burned next to day-old flowers. I looked at and around him, searching for the torture devices, duct tape, rubber gloves. He nodded his head down, “sit.”

He had emptied Chinese takeout onto the ceramic plates. All I could do was stare at the food. He innocently started to eat. To my horror, he started to hum a song. One of the damn Eagles songs we had listened to on repeat.

“Go on. Eat. It won’t kill you.” He laughed at his own joke. My eyebrows creased as I tore my nails apart. “Here. Look.” He reached over and took my food with his chopsticks. Once he swallowed, I reluctantly started to eat. I was starving.

The rest of our meal was quiet. He tried talking about the weather and the long drive but the conversation ended very flatly. Then he put our dirty dishes in his duffle bag and brought out a pair of pajamas for me. I went to the bathroom to change and he led me to the bed. We both laid down next to each other and he turned the lights off. With my eyes wide open, he grasped my hand. That’s it. He never tried to touch me any more than that.

In the morning, he was gone. Duffle bag and all. He left a bus ticket for me on the bedside table.

Hihi <3
I'm here writing a quick review I'm very inexperienced with review writing, but I'll try my best.

"Miles and miles of dryland surrounded us as the sunset. Smooth blues and citrus clouds hid behind the plateau. I watched the wavy fence follow us and bugs get crushed by the windshield. He rolled down the window to smoke and the cool summer air rushed in the truck. We had been listening to the same Eagles CD for the past four hours, my ears started to get agitated. When were we going to get there?"

First of all I really liked the way you set the scene, I can really picture what's going on. I read the whole story before writing this review, but before knowing what happened, my guess was that she was with someone she knew because she seems so nonchalant and I don't know not totally terrified? which I think is a little strange since she's just been kidnapped? Well perhaps she calmed down over the span of four hours. Maybe its just me but I wouldn't really be looking forward to getting to the place where I could potentially be murdered/trafficked you know? But I still think this was a great start and I like your writing style! <33

"He had the hood open, looking at god knows what, I knew nothing of cars. Without glancing up he said, “could you grab me the pliers? They’re just sitting on the front seat.” Willingly, I climbed up the truck to grab the tool. Then I heard the hood slam shut."
AHHH WE DON'T GET INTO STRANGERS CARS. This pains me, I want to yell this at the person esfjbhsjhfbs <3

"The rest of our meal was quiet. He tried talking about the weather and the long drive but the conversation ended very flatly. Then he put our dirty dishes in his duffle bag and brought out a pair of pajamas for me. I went to the bathroom to change and he led me to the bed. We both laid down next to each other and he turned the lights off. With my eyes wide open, he grasped my hand. That’s it. He never tried to touch me any more than that.

In the morning, he was gone. Duffle bag and all. He left a bus ticket for me on the bedside table. "

Damn this was a strange but very interesting story. I wonder what was going through his mind. Overall I really really liked this story and I think you did a great job :3


-Luna <3