City Lights Come Crashing Down

Other than the odd grammar mistake and missed word, I truly think that this is beautifully written. Your words seem to flow well together, except for the mentioned mistakes that are very easily remedied. I could definitely see the situation you were portraying, except for the "fend them off" line, which I was initially a little confused by. I also thought you meant fending off the leaves, but after reading the rest of the poem it makes more sense to interpret that line as being about the wind. Overall this is a great poem, and I would love to see more of your work!

the poem itself is ok, it's always valid to leave options open like the "to fend them off" line, this enables the reader to relate to the poem on an easier way, the poem flows smoothly and it's only hindered by a few grammatical mistakes. it is a fine job indeed

You are a very good poet. I loved the metaphors, I loved the story interwoven with the metaphysicalness of the more emotional statements. This piece was beautifully crafted. Here is my critique for it:

imaginemymind wrote:The city lights come crashing down
As I walk the streets with my heart on my sleeve.
It's November.
Rotten leaves swept away by chilly winds.

I'm left alone to fend them off, Fend what off? The leaves? I don't think it's that valiant, or meaningful, to fend off leaves.
Alone to find my way out.
Far from the alleyways filled with faint whispers of ghost, "Faint whispers of ghost?" Do you mean " the faint whispers of ghosts?"
Trying to lure me with sweet calls of self- destruction.

I see the lights tunred on in many houses. Firstly, it's "turned," and secondly, I would take away the "in many houses" part.
Will I be shunned away?
Left feeling more alone
And embarrassed by my pain?

I'm only here to love.
To try to find my way to a brighter city.
Tell me where can I dance and sing? Take away "tell me."
When will I be able to live?

My journeys take me to places
Where monsters try to bite me . No space between "me" and the period. And change "bite" to "slay."
They'll leave me on the street.
I'm painfully aware that they've never been afraid to leave me dying. "...to leave me to die."

My life is their oasis.
I have become their savior.
I'll supply them with what they need
Only to be repaid with insults and frightening dreams.

As December rounds the corner
I'm still fighting for my life.
Trying to see if my heart will supply me
With the strength that I'll need to win this fight.

But the cold winds are reaching my heart. You just said heart.
They're taking away the fire that kindles my blood.
The y travel through me and freeze my veins, "they"
Which from now on are immune to being thawed.

And while I wait, laying on the asphalt, "lying"
Breathing swallow breaths,
A stranger leaves his house
And carries me in.

Where is your coat? You can't those winds without one. "...you can't bear those...."
His voice is sweet letting leave to a random thump beneath my ribs. One, insert a period between "sweet and "letting," and, two, I know you are trying to refrain from using the word "heartbeat," but you still need to work on this a bit more.
I'm tempted to tell him I threw mine away on purpose,
But one look at his eyes tells me he knows my whole life story.