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Reversed faith

by illy7896


The word in the village was that death was coming to receive his payments. The rumour had run through like gospel and the people shook their purses and wallets for shreds of money that could redeem them from their terrible fates. It was as if the town was being torn from the outside in, ripping away the important organs of trust and community that had kept them alive for so long and shredding them in a pit of rage. All that was left was the countenance of disappointment that stood stark and grim in the hours of death’s arrival, and it came soon.

The grim reaper came and received his money from those able to provide it. He took it with splendour and held each penny between his thumb and finger, a smile of approval playing upon his skeleton face. Raising his axe, he ended the lives of the rich with a cruel and collected slice of metal, leaving nothing but the mark of the devil in the innocence of a favour. And as for the poor, they were left on earth and its holy sabotage, and prayed for the immunity of the afterlife. Dying had a price to pay, and only the very few could afford it.

‘Freedom on earth is ours,’ the preachers would say ‘the ones who plagued this soil are gone and now we own the remains of this world.’

But the people would just shake their heads and reply ‘The ones who plagued this soil have been given the right to heaven, and we are left on this hellish world.’

It was the last of the grim reaper’s return, and he never came back, for all the money in the world was gone, and the poor spent the rest of their lives as immortals. Light no longer shone the way it was supposed to and all the green grass had disappeared. Yes, the planet was theirs to roam, but it had been skinned to its bare bones and was as dusty and cold as the empty graveyards that sat silently, patiently waiting for its inhabitants that would never come. 


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Sat May 15, 2021 3:46 pm
KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Well...this was quite an interesting little tale here...not the happiest of ending there for anyone really...but it certainly is a very interesting way of looking at how the grim reaper operates here...anyway...let's get down to more detail.

Anyway let's get right to it,

The word in the village was that death was coming to receive his payments. The rumour had run through like gospel and the people shook their purses and wallets for shreds of money that could redeem them from their terrible fates. It was as if the town was being torn from the outside in, ripping away the important organs of trust and community that had kept them alive for so long and shredding them in a pit of rage. All that was left was the countenance of disappointment that stood stark and grim in the hours of death’s arrival, and it came soon.


Oh well...very dark start there...right off the bat wow....not pulling any punches with that kind of beginning. Oh wow...this is sounding like its gonna be quite intense here...well, well, let's see where this is headed, offering the grim reaper money usually doesn't seem to go well in most universes.

The grim reaper came and received his money from those able to provide it. He took it with splendour and held each penny between his thumb and finger, a smile of approval playing upon his skeleton face. Raising his axe, he ended the lives of the rich with a cruel and collected slice of metal, leaving nothing but the mark of the devil in the innocence of a favour. And as for the poor, they were left on earth and its holy sabotage, and prayed for the immunity of the afterlife. Dying had a price to pay, and only the very few could afford it.


See...now...that...thaat is a beautiful twist...for a second I thought...uh oh...this is different to what I've seen everywhere else but then after...I see its different but in a good way. You don't pay to cheat death, but you pay to make it faster...that's kind of poetic in a way that I like very much.

‘Freedom on earth is ours,’ the preachers would say ‘the ones who plagued this soil are gone and now we own the remains of this world.’

But the people would just shake their heads and reply ‘The ones who plagued this soil have been given the right to heaven, and we are left on this hellish world.’


Well...that's a good way of seeing just how people tend to look at situation...and honestly neither of those situation seem particularly good to me. Oh well...couple of interesting concepts there at any rate.

It was the last of the grim reaper’s return, and he never came back, for all the money in the world was gone, and the poor spent the rest of their lives as immortals. Light no longer shone the way it was supposed to and all the green grass had disappeared. Yes, the planet was theirs to roam, but it had been skinned to its bare bones and was as dusty and cold as the empty graveyards that sat silently, patiently waiting for its inhabitants that would never come.


Oh dear..well..that's what we call a desolate wasteland I suppose and then that immortality does indeed become some sort of curse there...well...that's not working out well for the people there...pretty sad ending there capping things off, with everything doomed to be terrible forever.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall...this was a pretty interesting read. Definitely something very new that at least I haven't seen before. Well...at any rate, that's all I've gotta say for this one. :D

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




illy7896 says...


Thanks so much for your review!



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Sat May 15, 2021 10:35 am
MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi illy7896,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

Let's start with the things I noticed while reading:

The word in the village was that death was coming to receive his payments.


In the further course of the story, death is depicted as the Grim Reaper, so I'm not sure if you can give death a personification in this sentence, but the "his" sounds a bit strange in the context and I would replace it with "it".

The rumour had run through like gospel and the people shook their purses and wallets for shreds of money that could redeem them from their terrible fates.


I like the way you phrase the sentence here, referring to the Middle Ages, where the Catholic Church sold the people the removal of sins so that they wouldn't end up in hellfire just to get money to satisfy their own lusts.

It was as if the town was being torn from the outside in, ripping away the important organs of trust and community that had kept them alive for so long and shredding them in a pit of rage.


The sentence itself sounds great and is an extreme representation, but I would split it at the point between "the outside in" and "ripping away". It sounds a bit long. That would raise the drama a little by means of the pause of the full stop.

Raising his axe, he ended the lives of the rich with a cruel and collected slice of metal, leaving nothing but the mark of the devil in the innocence of a favour.


This is just my opinion, as I'm not that familiar with the Grim Reaper (luckily I haven't met him yet :D) but I always thought the scythe was his attribute, as the axe sounds a bit too "brutal" and harsh in this case here. Or is this part of the plot to make it a bit more extreme?

Yes, the planet was theirs to roam, but it had been skinned to its bare bones and was as dusty and cold as the empty graveyards that sat silently, patiently waiting for its inhabitants that would never come.


You end with a very impressive clause. I like the story in general and the moral you want to give the reader. You have presented it well and interestingly in a certain way. The little "plot" that is there, you've done a great job of using dialogue. I especially like how the people contradict the preachers and are the only ones who realise that they are damned. Of course, that could also be a sign that they have lost all hope or see everything too realistically.

You have shown very well in this short story how you have a way with words and sentence structure. I especially like the way you try not to write just one word in an explanation/description, but to give it several. This adds to the strength of the text. It also makes the text seem more like a fable or an eerie fairy tale to tell children.

Have fun with your writing!

Mailice.




illy7896 says...


Thanks so much for your review and I appreciate your suggestions, I'll be sure to improve my work. Thanks!




The worst bullies you will ever encounter in your life are your own thoughts.
— Bryant McGill