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Disappointment

by illy7896


People aren’t always the way you want them to be. The way you see them be. People shift like the earth’s rotation, crusts of the surface hurtling like loose change in your pockets. Slips through the unmended holes and drips like wine, down the hydrogen-based crimes. Everything becomes chaotic and a whirlwind of pleasure and pain. Sweetness that makes your throat go dry like ice cream on a cold day. Those pennies rest undisturbed on the ground, worn away by time’s wrenching hand. Droplets of emotions soon to be picked up, exploding like confetti in another’s embrace. And they are soon returned to their owner, by the kindness of a stranger. Or they stay stuck to the ground like a bug in a spider’s nest, fixed like glue on obsession’s zest.

Leaves that wince when I brush them away and branches that snap when I push them from my face. Waves under breaking point, divided and gaping like the mouth of a monster too large to know its weakness. And it tickles him in the stomach; pressed against him are the sticks that scratch his jelly skin and crackles. Stones that crumble. Skeletons unveiled as hooded lies understood. Finally, the foundations of life, dismal.

Reap the forgiveness and sews the bleeding, solidified like ice cubes in a cold condition. Stains the mirrors, the redness of blotched cheeks are pressured under the dirty trails of tears. Spots that seem to enhance when I fall into despair, creases that fold like a book in rebellion. Covers that break and rip and split and fray, illegible in all the wounds of being read too often, taxes of mistakes bite my tongue like it was a felon. To feel human.

Disappointment is a taste that grows stale and persuades the tastebuds to reject the flavours of life that you have never tried. Restabilises a love for the past but one that only existed in loneliness’s objections. Disappointment is when you eat day-old cookies that you find in the back of the cupboard because you miss the flavour of chocolate. 


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1542 Reviews


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Thu Jun 10, 2021 5:10 am
HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!!

First Impression: Hmm....well this was a really intriguing little piece here. It has more of a poetic feel to the whole thing than anything and just the way you manage to connect things from the start to the end in this piece is amazing. It really was a very enjoyable read.

Anyway let's get right to it,

People aren’t always the way you want them to be. The way you see them be. People shift like the earth’s rotation, crusts of the surface hurtling like loose change in your pockets. Slips through the unmended holes and drips like wine, down the hydrogen-based crimes. Everything becomes chaotic and a whirlwind of pleasure and pain. Sweetness that makes your throat go dry like ice cream on a cold day. Those pennies rest undisturbed on the ground, worn away by time’s wrenching hand. Droplets of emotions soon to be picked up, exploding like confetti in another’s embrace. And they are soon returned to their owner, by the kindness of a stranger. Or they stay stuck to the ground like a bug in a spider’s nest, fixed like glue on obsession’s zest.


Ooooh....this is a lovely little start here to this story here. I love the way that this seemingly unconnected imagery just flows so well together, and that rhyme on the last line, wasn't expecting that sort of thing but I certainly wasn't disappointed. I really loved this opening, the visual that you managed to create are just amazing and the way you tied said visuals to that very interesting first line was also awesome.

Leaves that wince when I brush them away and branches that snap when I push them from my face. Waves under breaking point, divided and gaping like the mouth of a monster too large to know its weakness. And it tickles him in the stomach; pressed against him are the sticks that scratch his jelly skin and crackles. Stones that crumble. Skeletons unveiled as hooded lies understood. Finally, the foundations of life, dismal.


Hmm, this is really reading like a bit of a poem, considering things here are a bit abstract here, and well its in other so that makes sense...xD, but hmm, I really do love these descriptions, they seem to be of such vastly different places but somehow just all flow together which is the part that I continue to be amazed by. And the fact that underneath all of that there is still a message being conveyed as well is really quite awesome.

Reap the forgiveness and sews the bleeding, solidified like ice cubes in a cold condition. Stains the mirrors, the redness of blotched cheeks are pressured under the dirty trails of tears. Spots that seem to enhance when I fall into despair, creases that fold like a book in rebellion. Covers that break and rip and split and fray, illegible in all the wounds of being read too often, taxes of mistakes bite my tongue like it was a felon. To feel human.


Hmm, well this chapter took on the darkest tone so far, really sort of bringing to light perhaps the worst kind of feelings and emotions that you can experience as a human there, and this just feels so visceral somehow the words that you've used here. Once again it surprises me how well it all works together and ahh...I just love this so far. That last line especially does a lot more than you'd expect to really bring home the meaning of what's been written so far.

Disappointment is a taste that grows stale and persuades the tastebuds to reject the flavours of life that you have never tried. Restabilises a love for the past but one that only existed in loneliness’s objections. Disappointment is when you eat day-old cookies that you find in the back of the cupboard because you miss the flavour of chocolate.


Hmm, well, that almost seemed like it was building up to a bit of a roll there before it was suddenly cut off...xD....seems like that doesn't quite fit as an ending at least the way I see it...but hmm...certainly was some lovely comparisons there, especially that last one...is certainly quite relatable. The first two lines also seem to really be conveying things on a bit of a deeper level there as well, which wonderfully contrasts with the last line. Well...anyway...a pretty interesting little story this one.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, this was a lot of fun to read here. I kind of felt like the ending wasn't quite...final..enough if you get what I mean but besides that this is really well done as it is. :D

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




illy7896 says...


Thanks so much and I may touch up a little on that ending!



HarryHardy says...


You're Welcome!!



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Thu Jun 10, 2021 4:23 am
slubbs24 wrote a review...



Slubbs here with a short review.

This was absolutely fantastic, it was so creative and incredibly detailed!

You created something that the reader can’t stop reading, you won’t be able to even think of boredom while reading this!

I loved the similes and metaphors you used.

I don’t have a favourable part because I liked it all. You really captured the point in this work.

This work was something the reader can relate to and that can be hard to do in writing but you did a great job.

You’re so talented, I thought this work was 10/10!

Have a good evening or night, and continue writing cause you’re fire!

~slubbs




illy7896 says...


Omg you're making me blush, but thank you so much <33



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Thu Jun 10, 2021 3:40 am
TheWarriorMingan wrote a review...



Hello Illy! I just realized I hadn't reviewed today and it's getting super late, so this one's going to be short. (I hope you don't mind.)

Overall, this piece is very artistic, and I especially enjoyed this part:

Disappointment is when you eat day-old cookies that you find in the back of the cupboard because you miss the flavour of chocolate.

I smile every time I read that part. It's refreshing to come out of a dark/sadness-type piece into a bit of humor!

This is very relatable, I think, to most people. Everyone's had a taste of disappointment, haven't they? You've captured that. And guessing that your profile's up to date, you have a lot of talent for being thirteen years! Don't ever stop writing!

-Sincerely, Mingan

Remember: Follow your heart and nothing will go wrong. (concerning writing)




illy7896 says...


Awww you're so sweet and thanks so much for the kind review!




Even when you hate it, you kinda don't hate it >.>
— Elfboy