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An undead phobia

by illy7896


It’s a cool day and the sun is shining mildly over city streets. Below, a cleaner is sweeping away rubbish. Through the window, the hum and hubbub of Saturday chimes with the distant calls of seagulls that circle the nearby seacoast. In the therapist’s room, the sofa sits barren and empty and a hot cup of coffee sits on the table. A crisp breeze blows through the open window and ruffles a few papers and Dr Mackerel sits patiently, tapping her paper with an inky pen and waiting expectantly for her patient.

A figure moves into the room and places himself on the sofa, his hands gripping his knees nervously and his expression tight.

“Hello, Langsley Mower,” the therapist smiled.

“Hello”

“How are you feeling today?”

Langsley looked about the room and quivered ever so slightly. Suddenly, he got up from his seat and scrubbed the sofa with some surface wipes. Sitting back down, he pushed his hanging intestines back into his stomach and fixed his jaw that had just begun slipping from his face. After this, he wiped his hands with some hand sanitiser.

Dr Mackerel observes this cunningly and scribbles a few notes in her book.

“Well,” the patient’s voice is weak and his tongue slid about his mouth over his rotting teeth. He breathed deeply and started a light sob “it has been really hard today. I woke up and my..my.” he started to cry and shook his head in his hands.

“Yes?” the therapist inquired.

“I had eaten my dog!” Tears streamed from the veins in his face and created large damp circles on the grey carpet.

“Ah. I see you suffer from compulsive eating?” Said Dr Mackerel, looking down at her clipboard.

Langsley looked up and wiped away a tear. “And OCD.”

As if to show this, he then wiped his hands and started to floss his teeth embedded with bits of broccoli. When she looked at him uncertainly, he stated “I have started on this diet you see. Too much meat is bad for your cholesterol. Don’t want to die for a second time, do we now?” Managing a weak smile, he then was once again swept into tears. “You don’t know what it was like, down there in the grave. I remember it all, I remember eating ravenously. So, so ravenously! I was a savage! I was disgraceful, such an embarrassment! And to think I didn’t wash my hands after I ate…” He shivered in disgust, “I had to turn it around.”

“I see.” Dr Mackerel scribbled down a few important points on her report. “And do you still feel these urges?”

“Urges, no. But sometimes I just can’t help myself.” He looked at the therapist, analysing her within the corner of his eye. “I haven’t tasted a human, in so so long…” his voice died down and Dr Mackerel could only pick up a couple of words. She coughed and he sat up sharply and regained his neat posture. Gripping the alarm in her hand, she was tempted to press the button. The collar wrapped around Langsley was modified to send him into a shock if he tried anything funny, but still, she didn’t feel as secure as she would have liked. You will get a whole lot of money for this. Besides, they’re harmless. The cure was found six years ago now and nothing has happened. Don’t worry. Yeah, right.

“So umm… is there any medication that you are taking?”

“Well, I am trying this hormonal balance thing that eases my depression and OCD which is really helpful. Also, I am due to take surgery to take away these things.” He picked up the flab of his liver that was sticking out of his ribcage and pushed it back up. “I mean, they really are a nuisance.” He said, wiping his hand with some hand sanitiser.

Reaching out for the bowl of snacks that was placed on the centre table, he pulled some crisps from a bowl and munched on them, his teeth unaligned and making a great clanking noise each time they struck together sending flint-like sparks onto the furniture.

“Yes, I see.” Dr Mackerel wrote down some notes. Looking at her watch, she jumped in surprise and chuckled to herself. “Oh my goodness, won’t you look at the time? Unfortunately, our hour is up but it has been very nice talking with you Langsley. See you next session,” God forbid that.

Langsley sighed and relaxed against the sofa. “For so long. So, so long. It’s hard being a zombie y’know.” His arms flailed by his sides and he let his body drop and fall limp like an unused puppet.

“Yes, I am so sorry. But I’ll see you when I will, yeah?”

“So, so long”

Dr Mackerel grimaced and stood up, walked over to the door and opened it for his exit. However, he stayed in his position and refrained from moving his heavy body. Turning back and edging closer towards him, she moved to see if he was still unalive. Her ear to his slanted mouth, she could feel his hot breath on her skin and a slight chuckle escaped his mouth.

Therapist Eaten by Zombie Patient

Earlier this week, a therapist by the name of Dr Mackerel was attacked by a zombie in her office. The zombie, Langsley Mower, had been a patient of hers who had suffered from a Compulsive Eating disorder and a severe form of OCD. Dr Mackerel had been assigned as a ‘zombie therapist’ for the new colony devoted to the cured victims of the undead disease that had plagued the world until a vaccine was found six years ago. The remains of Dr Mackerel are unknown, and all that has been left in her place was hand sanitiser and some surface wipes. This has seemingly eroded all fingerprints and Langley has not yet been taken into police custody. He was sighted through the building’s window by a street cleaner said to have seen him gnawing at her bones and then using bleach to wipe down the furniture and walls. The police are still unsure of the reason for this, but investigators are trying to find the cause of the murder. We talk to some locals about the incident-

------

She sat on the therapist's sofa and sighed despondantly. Wiping her hands with hand sanitiser, she shook her head, catching a tooth that had fallen from her mouth. Popping it back in a random place and wedging it into her gums, she then sat still and silently. 

"Hi Emilia Mackerel" the therapist smiled and looked at her with a patronising expression. 

Emilia looked down. "Hi." 


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Fri May 14, 2021 1:37 am
starlitmind wrote a review...



Hey there! c: I really love your short stories, so I thought I'd check this one out! ^_^ The title sounds super interesting, and I can't wait to see what I'm getting myself into

Below, a cleaner is sweeping away rubbish. Through the window, the hum and hubbub of Saturday chimes with the distant calls of seagulls that circle the nearby seacoast. In the therapist’s room, the sofa sits barren and empty and a hot cup of coffee sits on the table.


Omg present tense, I love it when stories are written in present tense! It makes stories a bit eerie sometimes haha, but I love it xD

I just noticed that you started each of these sentences with a phrase in the beginning signifying where the description is. I don't think it would heart to change it up, which you could do simply by moving one of the phrases to the end of the sentence instead to make it less repetitive c:

But I love these opening descriptions! Especially the chimes + seagulls

A figure moves into the room and places himself on the sofa


I read "figure" as "finger" and I was like what 0.0

“Hello”


Just some missing end punctuation! ^_^

Sitting back down, he pushed his hanging intestines back into his stomach and fixed his jaw that had just begun slipping from his face


Omg. What 0.0

This is such a good way to introduce the whole "dead" part of this; it was quite unexpected, and the way the sentence sounds so nonchalant makes the surprise more shocking!

That explains the "undead" part >.>

Langsley looked about the room and quivered ever so slightly. Suddenly, he got up from his seat and scrubbed the sofa with some surface wipes. Sitting back down, he pushed his hanging intestines back into his stomach and fixed his jaw that had just begun slipping from his face. After this, he wiped his hands with some hand sanitiser.


Oh, you slipped to past tense here c:

“Yes?” the therapist inquired.

“I had eaten my dog!” Tears streamed from the veins in his face and created large damp circles on the grey carpet.


Here you slip into past <3 it can be pretty hard to stay in present xD

There are several other instances where you slip into past tense, but I think it would be annoying if I pointed it all out, so I'll leave it to you! :D

Don’t want to die for a second time, do we now?


It's such an interesting concept that you still have to take care of yourself, even when you have passed!

“I haven’t tasted a human, in so so long


You are so good at making this story really chilling :O

Reaching out for the bowl of snacks that was placed on the centre table, he pulled some crisps from a bowl and munched on them


We know the chips are from the bowl because of the first time you mentioned it, so I personally think that the second part is a bit redundant! ^_^ but that's just me!

Her ear to his slanted mouth, she could feel his hot breath on her skin and a slight chuckle escaped his mouth.

Therapist Eaten by Zombie Patient


ASDHFJLK

I WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT

That is so creepy and so chilling omg 0.0 I wish the therapist had that little shocking device on her :/ Poor her!

"Hi Emilia Mackerel" the therapist smiled and looked at her with a patronising expression.

Emilia looked down. "Hi."


OMGGGG is that the therapist ahhh I feel so bad for her omg

edit: OMG I POSTED THE REVIEW WITHOUT FINISHING BAHAHA I'M SO STUPID XD let me leave my end comments for you now haha <3

Overall, this was a gripping and chilling short story! I love how you were able to develop this whole storyline in a short story; the newspaper article was a subtle way to provide even more information about the world the characters live in, and it was quite insightful and definitely contributed to that horror atmosphere going on

I also like how we were given the process of how one exactly could become a zombie patient of a therapist! xD but omg, I literally feel so bad for the therapist :/ she was just doing her job and had to get eaten. oof. rip. But I enjoyed how this came full circle! I just hope Emilia doesn't eat her therapist, too xD

Anyway, I REALLY loved this story, it was super chilling and was scary, too 0.0 I really enjoy your writing style as well - you always write the most interesting stories, and they never fail to make me go :O

I hope to read more from you soon, and I hope this helped! ^_^




illy7896 says...


Ahh thanks so much, I'm so happy that you enjoyed my story!! Yes, I must remember to stay in present tense and your advice is very helpful. Thanks a lot!



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Sun Mar 21, 2021 7:52 pm
stygianmoon17 wrote a review...



Hi there, stygianmoon17 here for a review :D

"It’s a cool day and the sun is shining mildly over city streets." What is a "mildly shining sun"? I think you mean it wasn't very bright, but that's more because of clouds or rain or basically the weather. So maybe "the sun is shining mildly through clouds over city streets" would be more accurate.

Just a few typos here and there, that you'll easily notice so I won't bother to put them all up here.


Okay wow wow wow wow what the hell just happened 0-0
I'm so confused.

I thought the patient who acted like he was dead was actually a person with a mental disorder (there's a disorder where people think they're dead and/or rotting. Yes, I know) so I thought that was it. But nooope
I kinda got lost with the ending. Not the ending ending, the tiny bit right before.
This here:

"Dr Mackerel grimaced and stood up, walked over to the door and opened it for his exit. However, he stayed in his position and refrained from moving his heavy body. Turning back and edging closer towards him, she moved to see if he was still unalive. Her ear to his slanted mouth, she could feel his hot breath on her skin and a slight chuckle escaped his mouth."
I was kinda confused. Why is she checking his breathing ? If he's already dead, why is she checking if he's dead..? is it because zombies can die? I mean they can, but nothing prompted that. And I don't think zombies can die of old age either, so why check that.

And that ending just bamboozled me lol.
I think you're trying to say that the therapist killed the zombie patient, maybe because she herself is a zombie? (ooh plotwist !)
But then why does the news person say someone saw the ZOMBIE eating her bones. It's possible he saw the therapist but confused her for the patient, but it doesn't make much sense.
Maybe after hearing the news if she said something like "Tch bunch of idiots" or "that was a close one", it'd make us understand, but we kinda have to piece it together with this ending.


Even though I was confused for most of the ending, I really think this has potential, and if you're working on a follow-up, can't wait to read it :D




illy7896 says...


Thank you so much for the review, so sorry that I made it a little confusing. So, she leaned over his body because I suppose she was inexperienced with zombies and has only started the job furthermore is unsure what to do. She has only just begun this job in the colony and of course, is human.

So, the patient did eat the therapist and then she herself became a zombie as indicated in the newspaper report, and the bit after is an insight into her new life as a zombie in the colony, now obtaining the same feauters as her last patient, like not only the disease had been spread, but so has the disorder.

Thank you so much for your review and again, sorry for the confusions, but thank you for your suggestions and I'll look over my grammar :)





ohhh okay. Well if you're planning on writing a second part to this, maybe you could clear all of this a bit. I guess it makes sense, but it's just so fast at the end, that I didn't really get the time to process what was happening lol.



illy7896 says...


No problem, I agree I will try to clear this up a little, thank you though for your help



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Sun Mar 21, 2021 2:32 pm
HJYoung says...






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Sun Mar 21, 2021 2:31 pm
HJYoung wrote a review...



Wow! This is nice, such a plot twist at the end. The therapist becomes the one having therapy! The only issues I can see is with your punctuation where you dont put a period or a exclamation point at the end, like "Hello", should be changed to "Hello." Otherwise, I like the creativity and the usage of the classic 'News report'. Please expand on to the story, as I would like to see more of this!




illy7896 says...


Wow, I'm so glad that you liked it! I would absolutely love to expand the story. Thank you so much for your review



HJYoung says...


Oh lol, idk why it sent two



illy7896 says...


No problem, that happens sometimes




Anything's possible if you've got enough nerve.
— J.K. Rowling