Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Light and nature

by illy7896


My bare feet were naked with redness from the hot sun that poured its vitality upon my youth. They pressed against the grass and were occasionally scratched by a solitary stone or sharp twig. But it didn’t matter, not when I had music to dance too and VitaminD on my skin.

“The Earth gives you its energy, feel it and touch it- take off your shoes.” my mother had said as I sat in the middle of the garden with a book in my hand. Wasn’t it enough that I was wearing a sleeveless top and faced the yellow sphere in the sky? But my mum was right, in truth. Slipping off my shoes and socks, I leaned back in my chair, my feet hovering above the grass. I hadn’t felt the earth in what seems like forever, only carpet and linen. The song played from the radio in the living room and I got up and moved my hips from side to side, watching my shadow as I reached for the sky and fell to my knees in endless passion.

“Cuba, quiero bailar la salsa

Usually, I would be afraid of bees and wasps and spiders running through the fine lines of the Earth. But this time, nature paused for me, watching my movements. I imagined energy flowing through my veins from the tips of the toes that brushed the damp green to my mouth and tongue that chanted the song with glee. It wasn’t a concern if I wasn’t the best singer in the world, after all, doesn’t beauty come from inside? And at that moment, my heart was shinier and prettier than any angelic voice.

“The first time I saw you, I knew it was love...

I twirled and twirled, again and again, spinning the world with my dancing eyes. Watching the moon that shone against the clouds and the sun that offered me the life, the breath that I consumed with the freshness of the air, I laughed and smiled. It’s a mistake to think that you are only born once. Moving there with the love of the birds and the trees, I realised that you are born every day of your life. Every hour and every second you are a new you, changing, growing, shedding the worn-out layer of your soul with something newer, wiser, smarter. Twirling there with the freedom of joy, I knew that I was fresh from the womb of hope and was emerging into a new light. A light greater than grief and darkness.

“You’re the one, yes you are…...

The song faded into silence, and I collected myself and stood paralyzed in the scent of lavender and daffodilies. That song would never die in the ears of the future, and my spirit would never cease in the merciful love of the universe. 


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Tue Mar 23, 2021 4:24 pm
KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: This sounds like a pretty cool story. I enjoyed reading it and it sound really good at first glance. Let's get into a little bit more detail down there.

Anyway let's get right to it,

My bare feet were naked with redness from the hot sun that poured its vitality upon my youth. They pressed against the grass and were occasionally scratched by a solitary stone or sharp twig. But it didn’t matter, not when I had music to dance too and VitaminD on my skin.


OOoh...quite a bit of imagery there to start things off..loving the overall vibe of the imagery being created there.

“The Earth gives you its energy, feel it and touch it- take off your shoes.” my mother had said as I sat in the middle of the garden with a book in my hand. Wasn’t it enough that I was wearing a sleeveless top and faced the yellow sphere in the sky? But my mum was right, in truth. Slipping off my shoes and socks, I leaned back in my chair, my feet hovering above the grass. I hadn’t felt the earth in what seems like forever, only carpet and linen. The song played from the radio in the living room and I got up and moved my hips from side to side, watching my shadow as I reached for the sky and fell to my knees in endless passion.


That's a lot of pretty great description. Its really easy to imagine what's going on here and that's great to see at the start of a story here. Its done pretty well without making the pacing feel awkward too and that's even better.

Usually, I would be afraid of bees and wasps and spiders running through the fine lines of the Earth. But this time, nature paused for me, watching my movements. I imagined energy flowing through my veins from the tips of the toes that brushed the damp green to my mouth and tongue that chanted the song with glee. It wasn’t a concern if I wasn’t the best singer in the world, after all, doesn’t beauty come from inside? And at that moment, my heart was shinier and prettier than any angelic voice.


Oooh...well that took a slight turn...starting to sound a little bit more abstract there I see..well its still going along fairly well so that's nice.

I twirled and twirled, again and again, spinning the world with my dancing eyes. Watching the moon that shone against the clouds and the sun that offered me the life, the breath that I consumed with the freshness of the air, I laughed and smiled. It’s a mistake to think that you are only born once. Moving there with the love of the birds and the trees, I realised that you are born every day of your life. Every hour and every second you are a new you, changing, growing, shedding the worn-out layer of your soul with something newer, wiser, smarter. Twirling there with the freedom of joy, I knew that I was fresh from the womb of hope and was emerging into a new light. A light greater than grief and darkness.


Oooh that got really intense there...a lot of nice imagery though...I can see the message coming out here and it coming out quite well.

The song faded into silence, and I collected myself and stood paralyzed in the scent of lavender and daffodilies. That song would never die in the ears of the future, and my spirit would never cease in the merciful love of the universe.


Not the kind of ending I expected, and it feels a little off to me but somehow it does convey the feeling of an end...so I think overall that's a pretty good ending.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall it was a fun read and I really don't have too much else to say about it. :D

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




illy7896 says...


Thank you so much for your review!



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Mon Mar 08, 2021 8:38 pm
starlitmind wrote a review...



Hello, there! ^_^ I always enjoy reading your works, so I saw this in the literary section and wanted to check it out! I'll just share you my thoughts as a I read, and hopefully that'll help you in figuring out what your reader may be interpreting form this c: (side note after I finished writing this review: I don't really have many critiques for you, as I think this is super well written! so that's why anything I do say may be a bit nitpicky; that's only because your work is just so awesome! ^^)

My bare feet were naked with redness from the hot sun that poured its vitality upon my youth.


The bolded words give me the same meaning, so I find to have them both is a bit redundant - perhaps you could keep one and discard the other?

VitaminD on my skin.


Okay this is really nitpicky cx but I don't think vitamin d necessary stays on your skin? It's more like absorbed

“The Earth gives you its energy, feel it and touch it- take off your shoes.” my mother had said


I love the idea of taking off your shoes to feel the earth's energy, that's a pretty neat thought <3

Since "my mother had said" is a dialogue tag, you need a comma after you finish the quote, not a period c:

I hadn’t felt the earth in what seems like forever, only carpet and linen.


Ooh, I love this line! And same though xD

The song played from the radio in the living room


Ooh, I would love to know more about this song! Especially since you said "The song" and not "A song," I'm assuming it's quite important, and I would love to know what this song sounded like, felt like, etc.

“Cuba, quiero bailar la salsa


I believe you're missing some end punctuation here and the end quotation mark

But this time, nature paused for me, watching my movements


I love the way you've personified nature hear and made it some quite aware, even watching the narrator's movements

Every hour and every second you are a new you, changing, growing, shedding the worn-out layer of your soul with something newer, wiser, smarter. Twirling there with the freedom of joy, I knew that I was fresh from the womb of hope and was emerging into a new light. A light greater than grief and darkness.


I love the sense of freedom and the overall empowering feel of this passage and the paragraph as as a whole. And also, the idea of having layers of the soul and shedding them is really neat. It's almost like you're comparing people to caterpillars, saying we each have our own kind of metamorphosis. I think the theme and idea of this short story is really strong in this bit

That song would never die in the ears of the future, and my spirit would never cease in the merciful love of the universe.


So from this, I picked up on a couple of themes -

1.) Change is a constant. We are always changing, and that's okay, it's a part of life, We are always growing, and with each passing moment, we get a little bit stronger. A little bit wiser. We learn something new

2.) Things also stay the same. Love, songs, whatever it is, some things can never change and will always be there for you. Especially because of your last sentence, I got the idea that there are things that are permanent in this world, and something as simple as music or songs may be one of them.

This was a super neat piece!! I always enjoy how you are able to pack so much and successfully convey an idea in a short passage. I felt a lot of emotions just from this little snippet. Also, your imagery is lovely <3 I got this bright, sunshine, warm atmosphere form this - it felt lively and cheery and new. You also used imagery to describe setting and weather really well. Overall, this was a really enjoyable piece <3

I hope to read more from you soon, and I hope this helped! ^_^




illy7896 says...


That's so sweet, I agree with your suggestions and I get what you mean. I'll be sure to edit my work, this was helpful! I love your interpretation of the story, I didn't really look at it in that way but that's a beautiful way of viewing it, so thank you! The song is quite important in the story because it's upbeat and happy and it's good music to dance too. I'll describe it more and maybe add more imagery to my work about, as you said, how it made me feel and what influence it has- thank you for your review and that's so kind



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Sat Mar 06, 2021 6:34 pm
stygianmoon17 wrote a review...



Heyy there, stygianmoon17 here for a review :)))

The imagery was great, and I love the way you put some things, like "It’s a mistake to think that you are only born once." That's a beautiful sentence and the way you develop it further on just makes it all the more better.

This was a fun little read, and I loved how you fusion the love of nature with the love of music, because both truly are made one for another. I couldn't find the song though, which is a shame as I think it'd be great to listen to it while I read your short.

You wrote this on the moment didn't you? Like you were listening to the song outside when this idea popped in your mind? And then you started dancing and you wrote it down too? I feel like this was a "on the moment" short, because of his much emotion is just poured into this. It feels so alive, so real, so raw in emotion that I don't really have anything to say except for good job :)




illy7896 says...


That's so sweet of you. It was at the moment, yes and I'm so glad that you could feel that too. I'm glad that you liked it! :) Could you not find the song? It is called Cuba and if you search it on Youtube it should come up, but I'm so glad that you considered listening to it whilst reading my poem, that's so kind. I hope you find it, it's a very good song to dance to.





Thanks a lot for the title, I'll definitely check it out :)



illy7896 says...


No problem



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Sat Mar 06, 2021 3:47 pm
MapleWay wrote a review...



Hey! MapleWay her with a quick review!

This was a fun little story! It was also filled with outstanding imagery. The whole time I felt as if I could feel the fresh grass on my feet, And smell the lavender and the daffodils. I also liked the part where it said,

I hadn’t felt the earth in what seems like forever, only carpet and linen.


It's so true. You get so busy that you forget to take time and absorb nature.

Thanks again for writing this!




illy7896 says...


Thank you for your review, I'm glad that you liked it




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