you try to try
to try to "care"
when really you just stare
with excuses and words
that mean nothing
because you try to try
to recreate
every detail of my past
that i wished to forget
you'll never understand
what it means to be
Human
what it means to be
Sentient
because when you "try" to try
you can never be objective
you are simply binary code
and thus cannot be merciful
you would never be more than binary
because when I try to try
I console myself.
All you do is drag me down.
I am a human,
and you are mere code in a device.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,800 Reviews
trying to try makes you exhausted
please stop trying
you are binary
nothing
more
than
o
n
e
s
and
z
e
r
o
s
MEOW! Hello, friend! My name is Ellie and today I will be reviewing using my very own Black Cat Review Method! It is very similar to the incredible YWS S'more Method but I have Halloween-ified it and made it spooky! My little black cat friend, Vladimir, wants to offer his opinion on your amazing literary piece:
Mystical Witch Hat - What I See, Observe, and Interpret
what an opening line!
how beautiful is that! i said it out loud a few times and it flows so well.
anyways, this poem is lovely. in my interpretation, it seems to be about a robot or AI trying to recreate things that a human would normally do.
this reminds of a lot of the use of AI to do things that people would normally do, like write papers and come up with their own ideas. in this poem it seems that this robot is creating something that is reminding our writer of their past. I wonder though, who's point of view is this from?
the close of this poem is lovely:
i love the thoughts we are hearing. this person who is writing seems like they are trying to console themselves through these difficult thoughts and stress this robot has put them though! Brilliant as always, Tea!
Vladimir’s Advice - Suggestions for Improvement
A couple sentence structure thoughts:
maybe rephrase this as, "you are a mere code in a device." Flows a little slightly better in my head.
and maybe at some parts, like this:
Maybe it would help to add a period of comma to show where one thought ends and the other begins. I am assuming the first sentence ends after the word forget, but it could be someone else too
Jack O’Lanterns - My Favourite Parts and Praises
these lines really stood out to me. i think the layout and the use of making simple statements that mean so much more convey a lot of emotion to anyone reading.
I assume that this is a robot speaking to a robot or AI, which is such a unique conversation to be had!
Black Cat Cuddles - Concluding Ideas and Thoughts
beautifully done, Tea!!! I know this one is a little old. I have read all three of these but just never got around to posting a review! Thanks so much, friend!
Spoiler
Have a lovely day!!
Your friend,
Ellie Mae
I hope you have a spook-tastical day, filled with black cat mischief!
Hi teatiime! (love the username by the way <3) The title of this poem intrigued me, so I thought I'd stop by with a quick review.
opening thoughts
This poem has an interesting premise! I don't often read poems about technology where the narrator addresses the technology as "you" - it's a very original idea and I quite like it. I also enjoy the use of lowercase letters, except for the words "Human" and "Sentient". It really makes those two words pop and draws the reader's attention to their importance.
It also seems like the narrator has some fairly complex/mixed feelings about the technology in question. I get the sense there is a bit of pity or empathy for the technology, as it tries to do all these human things but fails by no fault of its own. But at the same time, there is a bit of contempt or dislike as well in the line "All you do is drag me down". I always find poems with nuanced emotions to be a lot more interesting than poems with straightforward, basic emotions, so I really enjoyed this aspect of your poem!
constructive feedback
I found this poem to be very vague/ambiguous throughout, and especially in the first half. I honestly had pretty much no clue what it was about until the lines about "Human" and "Sentient". This sort of purposeful vagueness can definitely be an interesting literary tool! I will say, though, I think it's often most effective when the vagueness either
(a) never resolves even the slightest bit, and the point of the poem is to leave the reader confused and thoughtful
or
(b) there is a super clear, super satisfying resolution and the reader changes abruptly from being totally lost to being like "ohhh this all makes so much sense now".
I feel as though your poem tries to compromise between these two extremes and ends up...loosing its oomph? Like, by the end of the poem I have a general inkling about the topic (human nature vs technology) and the narrator's stance (technology is impeding their human nature) but I don't see any more specific or concrete conclusions. I honestly end up with a lot of half-answered questions.
What type of technology are we talking about specifically? Social media, computers, smart phones, alarm clocks, cochlear implants - these could each be made into a totally unique and separate poem.
What is the relationship between the code and the narrator? Did the narrator write the code, or did an enemy write it, or did some random programmer in a huge corporation write it?
Why is the code/technology interested in recreating the narrator's past? What does this even mean?
I think the poem could be strengthened a lot by making the second half way more specific and up-front. It's okay to leave the reader with some smaller questions, but I would encourage you to get more specific with your language and storytelling. When the reader has something concrete to grasp onto, a poem often becomes a lot more impactful!
conclusion
I really enjoyed reading and reviewing your poem! I think it has a lot of potential and I'd be interested to see where you take it from here if you end up editing or revising it. Let me know if anything I said didn't make sense or if you have any additional questions!
best,
Hijinks
Lore time? I think it's lore time. enspoilered in case you would like to go into the short stories about this completley loreless and figure it out yerself!
In ____ try/tried to try we follow 3 perspectives. The technology/Ai, in i try, the programmer, in you try, and the epilouge, they tried. The AI was the programmers biggest comfort, and friend. Later on, the AI tried to recreate thay feeling, but the programmer remembered it differently, they thought of it as a sad and not so good time for them. Actually, my poem 1's & 0's happens right after this poem. Afterwards, time passes and the AI becomes the programmer, taking their identity. However, they had made up and apologized before that. The AI knew that the words were most likely empty, and wanted to feel what it was like to be human and, Sentient.
Spoiler
Thank you Hijinks (love the user too! so devious sounding.)