Thanks for the invitation.
It arrived last week,
Hitting the doormat with an unwelcome bump.
Nice curly font you used there,
On gold and shiny paper.
Very posh.
I used it to wipe my arse.
I really liked your bride’s gown.
Just like Lady Di’s.
She wore it with an elegance I never had.
Lacy veil, like net curtains
My Nan used to own.
Lovely train.
I trod on it as she went by.
Who did the wedding cake?
Sickly sweet, you know.
All in tiers with ribbon and jewels.
The frosting was silver,
A bit over the top.
Tasted alright.
I licked the edge during the speech.
You looked very smart, I’ll say.
Always was great in a suit.
The buttonhole was a nice little touch.
Hair all swept back,
Like at my birthday.
Good day though.
I fucked you afterwards.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
Yes, it's because it's crude. I think it should be there and adds depth but I didn't like it.
But it definitely should be there, don't get me wrong.
~Retro Disco666
Thank you! Duffy is one of my favourite poets so being compared to her is an honour!
Why don't you like the last line of the 1st stanza? Is it because it is crude?
In fairness, the poem is supposed to be fairly crude as the woman is trying to get her own back and ruin things.
Thanks for your review x
Hey,
This is a really good piece. It reminds me of Salome by carol Ann Duffy. I think this is a really good style of piece and think more people should write like it.
It is really creative. I didn't like the last line of the first stanza, but I loved the line that says "unwelcome bump" I thought that was a really nice touch.
Well done. I can't wait to read more from you.
PM for anything.
~Retro Disco666