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139,535 Literary Works • 672,600 Reviews
Hi heather,
The first thing I'd like to say is that I really like this piece! It is sincere without being cheesy, and you've done a good job using examples that everyone can relate to. Each of your sub-stanzas is specific to the emotion and specific to the reader--I know that while I related more to some of them than others I related to all of them in some way. Technically, I think that your poem is basically flawless. You don't need punctuation here and I honestly don't think that it would add to the poem. I liked the way that you indented--it is very nice without making it more difficult for the reader to read your poem as a single unit.
My only critique, and it's mostly because I want to have something to say, is your ending. It is good, but I am a little mixed about it. The rest of your poem manages to be so non-cheesy, not making any statements, that I found that having and ending like this brought me back to the world of the normal writer. I wish you would make your ending creative like the rest of the work. However, I don't dislike the ending either, so if you feel strongly about it, by all means, keep it.
So basically, I really liked this. I like the way you have written it, and I love the way you have presented it. If you have questions, please let me know! Nice work!
~Sare
Thanks for the review!