"I hate you!" She screamed at me, "Why are you so stupid?" Tears crawled down her face as she talked to me, her hands grabbed at the smashed vase. An anxious mood floated above us; it laughed at my fear as it danced around me.
"How was I supposed to know! Look, I can pay for it if you want..." Wrong thing to say. With a loud scream of anger she leaped at me and tackled me to the ground.
"That vase was priceless! You of all people should know that." A mad fury lit in her eyes; for a second it was as if I had lost my sister. As if a crazy monster had replaced her, thirsty to attack. "Why did you do it Jas? Why?"
"For the third time in a row... I was just playing a game of catch with you and I accidently hit the vase because you couldn't catch it!" She shook her head at me, glaring. With one final scream she picked me up and threw me at the mirror. I could see that I had now truly lost her, that she had left the room so I could stay and suffer the consequences. As I flew through the air time seemed to slow; the world around me stood and laughed,waiting for the sound of smashing glass. This was going to hurt. I closed my eyes and braced myself for the worst.
However when I hit the floor I did not hear a smash, have I fallen short? I thought. Well, whatever had happened, I didn't have my sister attacting me so she must think I had been knocked out-or she had left the room. Ready for anything, I opened my eyes, expecting my sister to be there. But what laid around me was not anything like I could have imagined. I was no longer in the living room, I was no longer inside my house even. Standing in front of me was the living room mirror; but around me was a shed, full of perfectly carven wood objects that created shadows that danced across the walls. A small flickering light lit up the place, showing the mud caked boots in the corner, the garden tools stashed on the oak shelves and a door at the opposite end of the shed.
"A door!" I thought out loud. Eager to find out what the hell was this place I got up and walked up to the door. Slowly, I opened the door a creak and peeped out through the gap. Outside was a beautifully lit town. Each building towered brightly with many different colours shining though the windows; each tree that stood at the side of the road danced gracefully in the breeze. Even the people that roamed the streets looked happy, waving at each other as they passed, smiles on their faces. Was there actually a world beyond our mirrors? Wow I thought, I've landed in a mirror world... I closed the door and walked back to the mirror. A slight shimmer rippled across it. Carefully, I touched the mirror; my hand went through it, sending a shiver up my spine.
"Bloody hell where did you come from?" A shocked voice came from behind me. "Turn around and look at me!" Trembling, I turned around to see who had managed to sneak in silently. It was a girl who looked about 16. She had long brown hair, ocean blue eyes and a white smile started to grow across her face. A baggy jumper covered her entire top half and she wore torn skinny jeans.
"I um hello..."
"Who are you? How old are you? Where do you come from." The blast of questions hit me like a tsunami of words. "I haven't got all day! just answer my questions and I'll answer yours!"
"I-Uh-I'm Jas and I-uh-am 16 years old and I don't have the shittiest idea why I am here or where I am. Who are you?"
She let out a snort of laughter. " The names Amber nice to meet you, now you didn't answer one of my questions did you? Where are you from?"
"Not from around here. Last thing I remember is that I was having a fight with my sister and she got so angry that she threw me at the mirror. But after that all I know is that somehow I ended up here!"
"Simple you went through the mirror. Your like me, i'm from the earth world too." The smirk dropped from her face and she looked into my eyes, studying me. "Except i wasn't thrown into the mirror, I just fell through it when I leant on it. Wow, you have a strong sister"
"Yeah... Well if your not from this world I guess I can trust you." A burning whirlpool of curiosity
inside me pulled away the sense of danger. "Can you take me away from this shed? I feel like someone will find us in here."
Nodding she grabbed a coat from the coat rack, I had not seen at first, and threw it at me. "Your gonna need this, put it on and zip it up." It was only then that I realised I had some sort of tatoo on my arm.
Whilst I pulled the coat on I asked Amber why I had this tatoo on my arm. She did not answer. Quietly, she opened the door and creped out, gesturing for me to follow. Stepping out that door was like walking into a dream. A clear orange sky hung above me as the sun set in the east, the air was fresh and a faint sound of music whistled through the air.
"Beautiful isn't it?" She said, "Almost as if it wasn't real. Well, I can tell you one thing, this is as real as it gets. Unfortunately this is just for show. What this world really beholds is far worse than you can ever imagen; it can be a hell hole out there, I would know." It was hard to imagen how this world could be so horrible. This world looked perfect, a magical dream world that gave you a sense of safe harmony and peace. We came across a thin allyway that was lit up with an old fashion style street lamp. "It's right through here." She gestured.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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Once again, job well done Ms. Creativity. You was able to capture my imagination and make me hold fast to every detail and word you put into this story. I love the fact that each story I read of yours you leave a cliff hanger to make the reader to go on and try to predict whats going to happen next. And If you are open for suggestions I for one would like to see something like a double ganger. Like Jas meets her sister mirror form in this world or she runs into the mirror form of herself. But overall I love this and hope to read more.
That would be pretty awesome! *note to self-stop using Jas as a character name*
Lol, You use the name Jas a lot....never notice it
Hello!
I love this, and the idea. Besides what others said, I only have one little nitpick. In paragraph 15, I think you may have accidently separated it from paragraph 14, they should be one paragraph. Other than that, I couldn't find anything!
Great Job, and keep writing! 
I am on the edge of my seat!!!
-Snazzy
I thought that this was very fun to read! You didn't lose my interest at any time
--»
However, you did have a few grammar mistakes scattered here and there. Here are some tips and corrections that I found
"Why did you do it, Jas? Why?"
”With a loud scream of anger, she leaped on me and tackled me to the ground."
~I think it would also be better if you were to end the sentence like this » "Bloody hell! Where did you come from?"
"Wow, I thought, I've landed in a mirror world."
~I thought you could have used a more exciting way to describe Amber, such as saying something like, "Her chesnut hair draped across her back [in curls/waves] and her ocean blue eyes shimmered with curiosity. A white smile grew across her face as she tugged at a hole in her torn jeans..."
I think you get the point. It would be better to give a little more description rather than listing it.
"I haven't got all day! Just answer my questions and I'll answer yours!"
"Simple, you went through the mirror."
"You're like me. I'm from the Earth world, too."
"You're gonna need this. Put it on and zip it up."
There are some other mistakes (especially with some easy to fix spelling mistakes), but if you just read it over one more time, I'm sure you'll find them!
Thanks haha. I love your idea of 'bloody hell where did you come from?!' I will be sure to include this
Hi
First off, this extract definitely made me want to keep reading, I feel like theres a good story brewing here.
One thing I would recommend would be to take away the references to Alice, it's like your pointing out the obvious, the audience are intelligent enough to make that connection themselves, or if you really want to leave it in maybe just say 'Wow, maybe ALice was really onto something'. We know what you mean, don't worry.
One thing that concerned me was the lack of emotion throughout, why was she not scared when she fell through? Why did she not try to get back?
Thanks! Would you really want to go back to that kind of sister?
I suppose not no! Do we learn a little more about their relationship and the rest of the family? With one interaction we cannot learn too much. BTW would love it if you could check out the work I just uploaded
Yeah you will learn more later on. Sure I'll go chech it out!
I found this story very interesting!
You have a great storyline going and your writing style is pretty good. I loved it when she entered the mirror and found herself in a whole new world. This was really neat! But here are my corrections. 
I enjoyed it very much and I look forward to reading the next part.
"I hate you!" She screamed at me, (The 's' in 'she' should not be capitalized)
Tears crawled down her face as she talked to me, (I think if you put 'spoke' instead of 'talked' it would sound better.)
laughed,waiting for the sound of smashing glass. (There should be a space before 'waiting')
It reminded me of a book this place. (Maybe you should reword this to something like "It reminded me of a book, this place did." Or you could do, "This place reminded me of a book I had once read."
"I um hello..." (Like this, "I -- um, hello...")
just answer my questions and (The 'j' in 'just' should be capitalized)
" The names Amber nice to meet you, (There shouldn't be a space after the speech quotations. You should put a period after 'you' instead of a comma. And you need a comma after 'Amber')
"Simple (There should be a comma after 'Simple')
i'm from the earth world too." (The 'i' in 'i'm' should be capitalized)
"Except i wasn't thrown into the mirror, (The 'i' should be capitalized)
Wow, you have a strong sister" (You forgot a period here and maybe you should put 'and' in front of 'wow')
inside me pulled away the sense of danger. (I'm not sure I understand this sentence.)
Nodding she grabbed a coat from the coat rack, (After 'nodding' there should be a comma)
It was only then that I realised I had some sort of tatoo on my arm. (You misspelled 'realise', its has a 'z' not an 's')
"Beautiful isn't it?" She said, (The 's' in 'she' should not be capitalized. And you should have and period after 'said' instead of a comma)
What this world really beholds is far worse than you can ever imagen; (You spelled 'imagen' wrong. It should be 'imagine')
It was hard to imagen how this world could be so horrible. (And you spelled it wrong here too)
Over all though, a really great story!
Bye for now!
~BookWolf
Thanks! My auto correct was not working for some reason. This meant I had no way of knowing my spelling and grammar mistakes.
Realise is spelt with an 's' where I come from :p