It happened again... Darkness swallowed me into the black abyss, dragging me away from my dream world. He was there. His dark black Jacket drooped down past his ankles, almost covering his black trousers. On each sleeve he wore moon shaped cufflinks that glimmered in the invisible light. Deep red cuts ran across his pale, vein riddled face where his knife had touched and blood dripped from his bright yellow eyes that glowed like a torch. He was smiling like an insane little child, showing each sharpened tooth that sat in his brown gums. I hated the strange humanity in his face, how he looked so much like a man that no one would portray him as scary upon describing him. In his hand, a blood stained knife.
"Hello Jasmine." He always chuckles, right before his knife flicks up and plunges through his heart I always sit and watch; watching the blood filter out past the knife as he continued to smile. He always makes me watch as he dropped toward the floor, filling hatred into my body. I always Jolt awake. I try to get help but no one listens... No one! Groaning I get out of bed to switch the light on, my heart hammering against my chest in fear. However, the light does not turn on. No matter how many times I flick the switch nothing happens. "Look behind you," a menacing voice called from behind, "it's your old buddy!" Trembling, I turned around to face darkness. A darkness that is filled with a menacing silence, one that could be sliced easily at any time. But something felt different. Like there was a change in the room. "Try again!" His voice came as a whisper in my ear.
Once more I tried the light switch, hoping for an outcome. This time it worked, but I wanted to retreat back into the darkness; what was lying in-front of me struck fear into my soul, The Nightmare Man's knife... His chuckle came again, surrounding me in a pit of evil. An urge greater than ever pulled me toward the knife. It whispered to me, telling me to pick it up. You've got to do what you are told... Right? Upon touch, a wave of happiness filled me, like I was made for that knife.
"Go to your parents room." He whispered into my ear, commanding me. Inside, what was left of my good will was calling out, pleading for me to turn back. "Go on!" I could feel his invisible smile, turning me into a wide smiling psycho. Following his words, I walked eagerly toward their room, leaving my door wide open behind me. Slowly, I opened the door, the slight creak of the hinges awoke them. Fear shined across their faces as they watched me walk toward them, knife in hand. "Go on, you know what to do..." Giggling madly, I struck the knife into their heads and watched their blood ooze away. The fear filled their eyes in shame. Lying there as my knife sliced neatly across their beautifully blood fill necks. I stood there as the veins pumped out quick spurts of blood as they slowly withered away.
What have I done. The once evil me had gone, leaving me as my original self. "They did nothing for you..." Spinning around to the voice that whispered behind me, I met eye contact with The Nightmare Man. "I will always be their Jasmine... Always." Smiling like a demonic beast, he slowly disappeared, vanishing into the air, dissolving in my sorrows. Bit by bit he vanished. Last to go was that horrible smiling mouth of his. I left me at last.
Holding a knife that will always be their to haunt me...Trembling, I looked down at the knife, it felt heavy as it rested in my hands. Upon closer inspection I could make out a few words carved on the handle. 'You cant escape'.
"Jas?" My 9 year old brother's tired voice came from behind me. Shaking, I turned around to look at him, knife in hand. "Jas? What's happened to mummy and daddy?" I did not respond. It was not like I did not want to speak, no, it was as if I could not speak at all. I just stood and stared at him in the eyes. He too was shaking. He moved a trembling hand up to move the scruffy brown fringe that drooped down his scrunched up face. "Jas? Jas! Answer me!" Tears started to well up in his bright blue eyes. I started to feel a building urge to use the knife, it burned like fire inside of me.
A huge smile spread across my face. "You have nice eyes Josh." His eyes widened at the statement.
"W-what? What do you mean?" Josh started to bite his lip and his hand had frozen on his forehead. His eyes started to rise up past my head. Fear danced within them. "What's happening Jasmine? Who's that? Why do you have a knife?" I felt a presence behind me, The Nightmare Man for sure.
"You have nice eyes..." I repeated. He let out a high pitched scream as I pushed the knife into his stomach. He looked at me with sad, pleading eyes. Such beautiful eyes. Just before he fell to the floor, I grabbed his head and raised my knife. Laughing with delight, I gouged his pretty blue eyes out of their sockets and dropped them into my hands.
Grinning I turned around to give The Nightmare Man a gift. He looked proudly at me as he stretched his boney hand. I gave him one of my brothers eyes and he closed his hand and stood up strait. I looked down at his other eyes ball. No. My eyeball! I looked back up to him and he nodded in agreement. Eagerly, I skipped to the on-suit in my parent's bedroom, the nightmare man behind me. I looked in the mirror at my hideous brown eyes that lay in my small head. They did not go with my blond, messy hair that trickled down past my slouched shoulders. Being 14 did nothing for me.
I placed the blue eye on the counter top and raised the knife to my own face. Holding my two eye lids apart, I gently gouged out one of my old, disgusting brown eyes and threw it on the floor. Blood flowed out of my open socket. I picked up my new eye again and slotted it into the socket. However when I closed my old eye I could not see clearly through my new one. Anger pumped through me as I turned toward The Nightmare Man.
"It's not perfect enough!" I shouted. He just chuckled and held out the other eye. "No! You keep it. I just have to keep searching!" I picked up the knife and walked out the bathroom.
"Yes. Yes you do." He whispered as he walked up next to to me. I looked up to him, he was my dad now... I reached up and grabbed his hand.
"Together?"
"Together." He agreed.
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140,094 Literary Works • 672,998 Reviews
Well, this is definitely your work ms. Creativity......and If I must say your mind has once again sent my heart racing as I was over whelmed with fear and terror. Your horror pieces are one of a kind which makes you all the more freighting, but yet very unique and interesting as well. Just cause you scared the living hell out of me, lol I do mean that does not mean that this isn't by far some of the best quality of writing I read. Your way with descriptive words put me there, I felt like I was Jas, Oh and I see what you mean.....lmao this is the second Jas I have read about in your work, any who I do respect your work and give it an A+.......you might be the next Stephen King if you keep this up.....
Look forward to reading another one of you master pieces.
Thank you so much Holiday! (It would be nice to be the next Stephen King haha)
OH MY GOSH!!!!! This is amazing! This story has a really weird view from the beginning to the end!
OK, if you can't tell, I am going to review this AWESOME piece!
In the beginning, the girl had been asleep, and had a nightmare that seemed reoccurring. Was it supposed to be that way? Even if it wasn't, I like it. I love the description you used in the story, it gave me an image to think of while all of this "stuff" was happening! It was brilliant! The story had a great description of the man, how it scared her, and the knife too! I like how she wakes up from it, feeling terrified and it leads into a gruesome murder.
This leads me to the next item, the murders! I see that the girl all of a sudden is in a "mind lock" sorta. She can't help what she is doing, and she becomes like the psycho in her dream! I like how you describe every little thing up to the murder! The looks on the faces, the feel in that the girl got, and how the brother happens to wonder in, and meet a terrible fate.
The girl then goes to the boy, who is obviously terrified, and kills him. She takes his eye, and tries to replace her eye with her younger brother's eye. My only question is, Wouldn't that like, um, damage her vision?
I love the end! It is the best part in my view. I like how it twisted, and got REALLY weird!
I love this story, and please please PLEASE write more about this!!!!!
Aww thanks for the awesome review! If you like this you might like my other horror story
I will love to read it! WHAT IS IT CALLEEEEEDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!
I love to write reviews, so expect a review!
Dr carnival-you can find it on the story section in my portfolio x
Thnx, I will definitely read
well that character changed quickly. Although this is rather disturbing, I do like it. It's very gruesome and uses extremely good imagery. I really liked the way that the main character changes from scared at the beginning into completely insane. I really did not expect that. Because it's quite short it I think it makes the character development quite sudden and unexpected, which adds to the darkness of the story.
Thank you!
Whoa. This is terribly gruesome. I honestly wasn't expecting her to be so heavily influenced by the Nightmare man. But still, i love how thrilling and chilling this write is. It gives me the creeps lol. Anyways, for the mot part I think you did an awesome doing on the writing itself. There were some spelling errors here and there like in this sentence: " I gave him one of my brothers eyes and he closed his hand and stood up strait." (Strait should be 'straight') and some repetitive words, but nothing that really took away from the story. This story reminds me of the legend of the Tall Man/Slender Man. It's so similar that's its scary! :O Still, I enjoyed the read and while I'm at it, I want to take the time to apologize for the delayed comment. Great job my friend! I was thoroughly entertained! -IceWinifredd
Thank you!
Hello, Cat here. I love this story! It's brilliant. I really like the idea of the Nightmare Man.
It's so interesting. I wonder who it is who could see him...
Edits:
For this, I'm going to rewrite the whole thing below because it's quite short. There are very few things are wrong with it. It's done the way I personally would write it. Ignore my edits if you wish.
The darkness had swallowed me into the black abyss, dragging me away from my dream world. There he was, terrifying in the half-dark. His dark black jacket drooped down past his ankles, almost completely covering his black trousers. On each sleeve he wore moon-shaped cufflinks that glimmered. Cuts ran across his face and blood dripped from his bright yellow eyes. In his scarred hand lay a blood-stained knife.
"Hello Jasmine," he chuckled. Suddenly, his knife flicked up and plunged through his heart. I jolted awake.
I remembered slowly that it was all a dream. A reoccurring nightmare that always goes the same. I expected every part of that to happen, but not actually [i] during [i/] the dream, which made it all the more terrifying. I had tried to get help but no one listened... no one ever heard me out. No one! Groaning, I get out of bed to switch the light on, anxious to have some security. However, the light would not turn on. No matter how many times I flicked the switch, nothing happened. My heart started hammering against my chest in fear.
"Look behind you," a menacing voice called from behind, "it's your old buddy!" Trembling, I turned around to face darkness. A darkness filled with a menacing silence, one that could be sliced through easily at any time. But something felt different from when I woke up. Like there was a change in the room.
"Try again!" The familiar voice of the man from my nightmares came as a whisper into my ear.
Once more I tried the light switch, hoping for an outcome. This time it worked, but what I saw made me want to retreat back into the darkness. What was lying in front of me struck fear into my very soul. The Nightmare Man's knife.
His chuckle came again, surrounding me in a pit of evil. An urge greater than ever pulled me toward the knife. It whispered to me, calling for me to pick it up. You've got to do what you are told... right? So I immediately grasped its hilt. Upon touch, a wave of happiness filled me, like I was made for that knife.
"Go to your parents room," the man whispered into my ear, commanding me. Inside, what was left of my good will was calling out, pleading for me to turn back. "Go on!"
I could feel his invisible smile following me. It was turning me into a wide-smiling psycho, and I was loving it! Following his words of encouragement, I walked eagerly toward their room, leaving my bedroom door wide open behind me. Slowly, I opened their door, and the slight creak of the hinges awoke them. Fear shined across their faces as they watched me walk toward them, knife in hand.
"Go on, you know what to do..." Giggling madly, I sunk the knife into their heads and watched their life-blood ooze away.
[i] What have I done? [i/] The thought pounded through my head, struggling against the powerful grasp of the Nightmare Man. A shock went through my system as his control left me. The evil me was suddenly gone, leaving me as my real self.
"They did nothing for you, you know. They deserved it." Spinning around to the voice that whispered behind me, I made eye contact with The Nightmare Man. "I will always be there Jasmine... Always."
Smiling like the demonic beast he was, he slowly disappeared. Leaving me alone, holding a knife that will always be there to haunt me, just like him...
Anyway, great job on this story!
~Cat
Thankyou
Wow this was really dark but I absolutely loved it! I'm really into horror stories and dark things so this has cheered me right up! Everything was described well and I had shivers all over my body reading this! I would love to read more of course to feed my horror fix!
The only thing that I could say would be to perhaps go into the killings of the parents in a little more detail just so that things are even more gruesome than they already are!
I loved the part about Jas gouging out her brothers eyes and then trying to replace them with her own. That bit was especially good! Keep up the good writing!!!
Thanks! I never got a notification for this... strange...
Hi!
This short story is really well told, I really enjoyed reading it!
Honestly, I did find the plot disturbing and the way you describe things made me feel quite sick-but that's a good thing!
Overall, the plot and story all together is written very well.
I hope you write more, and when you do, make sure you tell me.
Overall a very disturbing but very well written story.
Kiwi
thanks xx
This creeped me out! God you are sick girl! just why!
Jeez this freaked the hell out of me! Usually books don't really make me feel scared but I admit, I felt a chill out of this. You vividly described The Nightmare Man so I can practically imagine his mocking smile. How you wrote the thoughts of the main character was very disturbing yet natural. I could feel the characters helplessness turn to madness in a very decisive way You seem to have a natural talent for this genre I have to say! This whole chapter felt very real and creepy; a great way to start off the story!
At first, I did find the whole chapter slightly confusing to figure out what was going on but after thinking about it, I think this is for the best. Obviously the character is mad so it would only make sense to them. I think this fits in quite well with the rest of it. It also makes the reader have NO idea where the story is heading keeping them confused and scared!
I found a couple of nitpicks- nothing major as I enjoyed reading this, quick story though
Thanks haha. Hope you had sweet dreams
Also, Nice to know you can copy and paste
Howdy godlypopo! Alex here to review your story on request!
Jeez this freaked the hell out of me! Usually books don't really make me feel scared but I admit, I felt a chill out of this. You vividly described The Nightmare Man so I can practically imagine his mocking smile. How you wrote the thoughts of the main character was very disturbing yet natural. I could feel the characters helplessness turn to madness in a very decisive way You seem to have a natural talent for this genre I have to say! This whole chapter felt very real and creepy; a great way to start off the story!
At first, I did find the whole chapter slightly confusing to figure out what was going on but after thinking about it, I think this is for the best. Obviously the character is mad so it would only make sense to them. I think this fits in quite well with the rest of it. It also makes the reader have NO idea where the story is heading keeping them confused and scared!
I found a couple of nitpicks- nothing major as I enjoyed reading this, but they are there nonetheless!
1)
I think describing his clothes as being black twice in the same sentence feels odd. Although I have no doubt that his clothes do indeed look like that, it feels strange to read that.
2)
Instead of "I" I would use either, "Him" or "It". Personally I would use "Him" as you have already mentioned the humanity in his face making him seem more like a person.
3)
More of a personal thing really, change that "14" to the full word version. It looks nicer in writing I think.
To be honest, I couldn't find a lot wrong with this! I really enjoyed reading this! Overall, I would say continue this story!
-Sushi
Just realised this was a short story.
Thankyou
It happened again... Darkness swallowed me into the black abyss, dragging me away (here it doesn't seem rough enough for your later description, maybe 'wrenching me out of')u from my dream world. He was there. His dark black Jacket (*ahem* jacket) drooped (you you going for 'dropped'? drooped does kinda make sense I guess but doesn't portray a scary image) down past his ankles, almost covering his black trousers. On each sleeve he wore moon shaped cufflinks that glimmered in the invisible light. Deep red cuts ran across his pale, vein riddled face where his knife had touched and blood dripped from his bright yellow eyes that glowed like a torch. (This last sentence doesn't read well at all and I can't make out exactly what you mean sorry) He was smiling like an insane little child, showing each sharpened tooth that sat in his brown gums. I hated the strange humanity in his face, how he looked so much like a man that (like a 'normal' man, that)no one would portray him as scary upon describing him. In his hand, a blood stained knife.
First paragraph shows you just need to read it over a few more times, even saying it aloud to yourself to see how your words trip up. Very good work so far though! I don't have time to go over each line so I'm just going to give general feedback atm
Really like the story line, its totally freaky. I'd make a bit more when she kills her parents if your going for horror, its a good start you have but you can make it so much more.
whats going on in her mind this whole time?
Does she realise what she's done?
One question I had is what was different about tonight to every other time the man has visited, as we are led to assume he comes almost every night, or is nothing different and it was still a dream?
He was always in her dreams. He was just waiting for the right time...
godlypop
I was watching silence of the lamb right as I was reading this. Creepiest thing was right when I finished reading this I heard from the T.V. "ello clarise" and it creeped the living . . . it scared me.
I actually thought this was very well done. Sure it creeped me out but I still enjoyed it plenty.
I didn't really see any spelling or grammatical errors. If there were some they didn't stick out to me.
Using the word "gouged" I think was a wise choice. It really set an eerie image in my head.
Overall great job
Thanks!
Just gotta say this right away, I got halfway and started making squeaking noises because I sensed what was coming (needed to share that) man that mental image is going to be with me for the rest of the night
. 
Twisted and strange, dark and a bit disturbing but none the less a very interesting read. Also your descriptions are fantastic and they added so much to the story. There isn't really anything here for me to correct, so good job and stay awesome!!
-Carmenbluestar
Thanks!
ugh....That's gross. I did like it, though...The only thing that seemed worth mentioning was that you had too many spelling errors. Other than that it was fine.
Thanks. I probably spell a few things differently to you. But some of it was just common error. Thanks for pointing it out
No problem!
Edited it a little
Sorry, for this but the was beginning confused. Therefore, I had to go back and re-read the beginning again. Besides this small flaw, the wording and description was amazing, it gave me a horrifying picture of the "The Nightmare Man". I enjoyed this short story, great work!
Thanks
Excuse me for pointing this out, but I noticed a few incorrectly capitalized words throughout the story. Corrections to this would allow the flow of the story to process along more smoothly. On a more positive note, I'd like to express how much I enjoyed the mischeiviously playful yet dangerous charm your "evil" character was presented with, "The Nightmare Man". This "Nightmare Man" exemplifies the playful innocence of evil nature in human and non-human entities alike that remind me of "The Lord of the Flies", a story revolving around that underlying, sinful human nature which we cannot escape even as children. Though well written on its own, I'd love to see what more you are capable of with possible additions/improvements to your story. I'd also like to see greater visual detail dedicated to describing the "Nightmare Man"! The best piece to your story is the last line, which I consider a very powerful and valuable piece. Be sure to retain this excerpt if you do chosse to make any altercations.
I only have one question... From what did the inspiration for this story occur? Killing loved ones is an extreme ending and should only be used with great care and some experience with such tender topics. As a younger writer, it may be wise to consider "softening the blow" or at least easing the explicit nature of such things. If you are aspiring to be a professional writer, these "extreme" parts can throw your career in either direction. This is said considering reader's lack of open-mindedness, which as writers we must assume every reader is so, in turn causing a misinterpretation of your point/personal beliefs. I for one, enjoy a nice unconventional horror story to set the nerves on edge. However, I feel as a "Reviewer", I would be at fault for not informing you of these things.
With the deepest respect and appraisal for your work,
Sage Leaves
Thanks but gaaaah do I make it more detailed on the death or not! You satira need a chat
The story looks good to me
I usually don't read scar stories because they don't scare me or because they bore me to death. Your story didn't really scare me but that's not a problem. I liked the story and it it didn't bore so your story is A okay with me. There could have been a lot more description but in all in all it looks good. Keep up the good work :3
Thanks
hm... i like that you're writing a horror story, because i haven't seen that in a while. unfortunately, all scary stories do virtually nothing to me in terms of fear9even steven king), so i can't tell you truly how good the 'effect' was.
I would say, in terms of writing... a few things.
you start out by describing the creepy thing. the person, the killer. but it's very vague. the cuts on his face, the bloody knife...we don't have an in depth visual. both of the visual traits mentioned could belong to any psycho, besides the clothes and the cuts. I would really enjoy if there was a description of his face. feeling like there really is a face there, in the page, makes the experience more intense.
the whole.... sticking of the knives... isn't prolonged enough. Now i love a nice, quick murder as much as the next person, but with this we really need to FEEL all that gruesomeness if we want it to genuinely terrify Jasmine as much as she reacts to it.
also, i would phrase, 'slowly disappeared' differently. at the state that sentence is in, it doesn't leave as much impact as it should, being one of the last lines of a nightmare. I would, again, prolong it, so it lingers when it's over.
God, i hate reviews. i always feel like the bad guy. i know that i'm supposed to give constructive criticism, but i just end up sounding mean.
honestly, you have a great writing voice, and i'm probably going to read a lot more of your stuff now that i've read this.
Ok! Don't worry, I was going to make it longer anyway
This story was beautifully told. The descriptions made me get chills up my spine. Not many things can creep me out as much as this story did. I do have a question though; Why would the knife plunge through his own heart? Isn't it his knife? I enjoyed this story very much and I hope you expand on it.
Thanks.