I started reaching for something more
Before I was conscious of it
---
When I was eight years old
I got yelled at
For trying to hang out
with the neighborhood boys
---
When I was nine years old
I asked to dress up as a dude
For Halloween
---
When I was ten years old
My father said to me,
“Oh my daughter, I have to tell you something.”
I don’t remember what he said
All I knew was that he called me his daughter
I was his daughter
---
When I was eleven years old
I focused on becoming a feminine
I wanted to grow into a woman
I wanted it so bad
Despite feeling like a fraud
Despite feeling like this was beyond me
---
Maybe a tiny voice said I would never become
A woman
---
When I was twelve years old
I locked myself in the bathroom
And styled my hair short
Minutes, maybe hours passed
And I stared at myself in the mirror
In wonder, curiosity shaping my thoughts
---
When I was thirteen years old
I was told that because I was a woman
I shouldn’t go to college, to save the spot for a man
Because I was only going have children in the end
It felt as though I was watching a movie
Looking into an alternative universe
Because surely they couldn’t be talking about me
---
When I was fourteen years old
I dressed as a “guy” when I went to school
Made a pact never to wear another dress
But I didn’t know yet
---
The funny thing is,
Even within the limits of a sheltered childhood
I knew something was off
But what exactly, I could never place
---
Now I’m fifteen years old
My mother called me by a boys name to insult me
And I liked it
---
My sisters used they and them pronouns as a joke
And I liked it
---
I stumbled when asked my gender
And I researched
To learn why
---
Because after growing up
In a world where my gender brought me
Tears
Unease
Inequality
And
Jealousy, of which was far beyond my reach
It was a finding the key
To a lock I didn’t know existed outside of my mind
---
I don’t want to be a woman
I don’t want to be a man
I don’t want to be both
I want to be me
Just me.
---
Not your daughter
Not your girlfriend
Not your wife
Not Ma’am, Miss, Madam
---
But it causes tears to fill the corners of my eyes
To remember that I am hiding
From my peers
---
In their atmosphere my “new ideas”
Are far beyond their reach
“My name is -------, and my pronouns are she/her.” I say
And I’m a liar
---
But maybe not for long
“My name is -------, and my pronouns are they/them.” I’ll say
And I’ll live my truth
I’m reaching for they and them
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140,110 Literary Works • 673,017 Reviews
Hey!! This poem really hit me in a personal place, if for no other reason than because I'm also not cis and it really brought forwards a lot of memories I have of growing up trans. It's also really well written in general, to where I think that even cis readers (who obviously would not have personal experience with what it's like to be trans) would be able to really understand what you're saying here and sort of experience with you what that feeling is like. Which I think is super cool!!
best of luck to you in the future as well.
I'm also super happy that you're living your truth now.
Thank you so much! I'm glad that I was able to get my message across to people with different experiences!
Wow, I love this poem so much it's so amazing that you wrote something that I'm sure a lot of people relate to. I'm sorry you had to go through all of this as well. I think you have an amazing talent for poetry and think that you should continue writing. As a trans person, I can relate to this as well.
Hi, BrokenHeartsAri here for a short review!
Before I will off and say this was incredible
It was so heart-breaking.
I can't relate to this but with these short lines, I felt like I was going through it.
I agree with ForeverYoung299 & Stygianmoon17
No one should be discriminated against by any means. Everyone should be equal.
We all bleed red blood
We all are humans
We all need food
we all need to breathe
The only difference is personalities and that's what makes us us.
No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.
Nelson Mandela
Discrimination still exists. Some people feel that their own beliefs are being threatened. Some are unhappy about unfamiliar cultures. They all need to be reassured that there is so much to be gained by reaching out to others; that diversity is indeed a strength and not a threat.
The failure of women to have reached positions of leadership has been due in large part to social and professional discrimination.
Keep up the great work-BrokenHeartsAri
It's so sad that within society today there is still discrimination at major levels. One thing I wish someone did for me when I was younger, was teach me about gender because I grew up completely unaware.
Thanks for the review!
Wowwwwwww
It was heart-breaking. Through the poem, I could feel your problem. This society has imposed millions and millions of rules which I want to break and create a new one where there is equality in each and everything. No one should be discriminated by any means. All should be seen in equal eyes.
Hope you find a solution to it. As u wrote in the poem, be like yourself! That's all.
Thank you!
Wow this was incredible
It was really well-paced, and the short sentences and stanzas just make this all the more effective.
I personally can't relate to your problem, but I feel you. No one should be forced into fitting the molds of society, you can be whoever you want
I hope your parent aren't as close-minded as you depict them in this poem, it must be terrible for even your parents not being able to understand you.
Hope you figure out who you want to be, have a great day <333
Thank you!!
Thank you for this. This was beautiful. <3