Grammar: Try being more aware of commas and their rules, as well as linking words as some sentence beginnings just get slammed into the readers face with no warning, making it hard to read along/understanding the jumps in between actions etc. Always check if you capitalised the first letter of the words that you use to start your sentences.
Context: The beginning is a little bit confusing as though the circumstances aren’t elaborated well enough and need some more detail to maintain their spooky effect. The start just throws the reader into the story with no knowledge of what is happening.
Conclusion:
You did a good job, keep improving but be more vary of how your story will sound and how the reader will feel once they start reading your story. Don’t just throw them in the cold water.
Also try writing more and making the chapters longer, it is a little short. You can add length through more detailed descriptions!
The ending is intriguing but also spoilers what will happen. A cliffhanger is always good, just keep the next happenings a secret!
Points: 43
Reviews: 8
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