Young Writers Society

Well, that's an interesting take on death. Really cool description. Makes me wonder what, if anything, inspired it. Interesting concept too. I have so many questions about how it works.
Could she just keep coming back as long as she makes it down (or up)? Was there something special about her that allowed her to do this? Did she die from her wounds or whatever burned up the forest?

I like the fact that Mochii was clarified right away. How did she snap her fingers as a fox though?

Where did Missy go?! I thought she was standing beside Ellie when the knight attacked. Did she run or go with Ellie and the grand sorceress to the Witch Clan territory?

SO MANY QUESTIONS! I just hope a few of them get answered.

Somehow Ellie is back in the same place as Charlotte again. Why did her sister get stabbed just because a queen was evil? I still don't know.
Why does Ellie want to go where Charlotte is so soon after aiding the one who stabbed her?

by the way, I'm asking all these questions to get you as a writer to be thinking about their answers and how you are going to explain these things to the reader. Some things you can leave up to the reader's imagination but there still has to be some structure. When and how does it make logical sense to answer these questions and what's your plan for getting there. It doesn't have to be all figured out but you should at least have a sense of where the story is going so you can fit these things in.

Charlotte is alive and Ellie is okay! Grand Sorceress Mochii seems pretty cool. I wonder what happened to Missy though. Maybe she left. What if Queen Emerald challenges the Hendersons to fight each other? What if they join the ghosts in their house? I will have to wait and see. As always, I cannot wait for the next chapter of this story. I liked this chapter.

I wish you a lovely day/night.

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Another lovely chapter to add to this tale. Things are really taking off on this one here. I think you've done a great of setting up a lot of little climaxes here even if some happen perhaps a little quicker than would be ideal.

Anyway let's get right to it,

"Where am I?"

Charlotte woke up in an entirely different place. She seemed to be in some kind of... canyon? She couldn't tell. Behind her, the walls were colored a orangey salmon. The ground was made of a kind of rock that was a mix of the colors pink, bluish, and white. The ground seemed to have a sheer drop, and, she realized with a sick feeling, the bottom was shaped like a coffin. There seemed to be some kind of spray of water that came out of a large rock formation at the top of the whole thing.

There was a large line of people that Charlotte seemed to be in the middle of.

"Where am I?' she repeated.

A woman standing before her turned to see. She had long blond hair and strikingly orange eyes. "You are before the falls of time," she said. "It is the bridge between life and death."

oh. …oh. Charlotte took a deep breath and tried not to panic. I'm... dead.

"This is your chance to win your life back," said the woman. The line moved forward by a few people. "Don't touch the water, or you get pulled back in time." Soon enough, Charlotte was at the front of the Falls of Time. Deep breaths... deep breaths. She thought. Then she jumped.

The air whizzed past her, and took her breath away. She dodged one fall, then another. Soon, she was in a completely dry spot. Around her, she saw many time periods, and it took her breath away. That, and she was floating. With a strong stroke, she was moving upwards. She laughed. This ws the best thing she had ever experienced. As she flew, she saw many interesting things. There was a fiery tunnel, a fox and frog on a boat that seemed to be on a river made of silver. Silver! Wow! Soon... "OWCH!" Charlotte slammed her head onto something large. She'd made it to the end of the falls! Before her, there seemed to be a magical floating diamond. She grasped it, and woke up!

"YOU'RE ALIVE!" yelled someone, and suddenly Toby was hugging her.

"You'll never believe what I just saw..." said Charlotte. Then she noticed Maddie staring at her, looking shaken. "What happened?" Charlotte asked.

"Looks like we've got an encounter with our first witch..." said Sam, motioning to the world around them. The trees seemed to be burnt, and a thick smoke filled the air.

"Looks like we're in Witch territory, now."

"Mochii?" Ellie asked, puzzled. "Whaaat?" And that was when the craziest thing happened in Ellie's life. A fox jumped out of the trees. "It's grand sorceress Mochii, and Aren't you supposed to be dealing with the Chimera?" asked the fox.

"Y-yes ma'am!" said the knight.

"Go ahead then!" Mochii yelled, and with a snap of her fingers, the man was gone. Then, she turned to the two girls. "You have to get out of here..." she said. "Where do you need to go?"

"Do you know where Charlotte Henderson is?" asked Ellie.

"Charlotte... Charlotte... AHA! Yes, she's in Witch Clan territory right now, are you sure you want to go there?"

"YES!" yelled Ellie.

"Then I can take you there." said the grand sorceress, and suddenly they were in a sinister place.