Young Writers Society

Is this the end of the story? Looks like there are a few more things to wrap up and a conclusion to give the characters some closure.

Again, the first thing I noticed is that this seemed very rushed. If you were trying to write this story in a certain number of chapters I'd say you were a bit ambitious with the size of the story you were telling. If you plan to keep writing or didn't have a set amount of chapters I'd say just take your time and flush out your scenes rather than trying to rush to the action right away.

It felt like there was no build up to the climax of the story. The witches were introduced as these powerful characters then basically got one-shot. An explanation would be nice, either in the build up to the attack or soon after. It felt like the conflict overall was just solved too easily and I didn't get to connect with the struggles of any of the characters, or even get to know them.

Also, how was Missy just welcomed back and on the good guys side all of a sudden? Did she have some revelation or change of heart?

The only really noticeable spelling mistakes were a missed ( in the first paragraph and this line "Then she fainted dead away." What were you trying to say there? If you were using dead to describe the way she feinted it was a bit confusing.

Overall though, I was able to follow the story quite easily even if I felt there were a few details missing, and I enjoyed the revelations and action scenes in this chapter.

Well, apparently I was wrong- sorry, change of plans. Once again, I am so sorry...

They’re all together now. Yayy! I can’t believe the ghosts in the Henderson home aren’t actually ghosts, but witches. That was a good plot twist. They’re not done yet. Emerald may be defeated, but there are still the other dangers to be worried about. I hope that they all stick together no matter the circumstances. They seem to be alright with each other, thankfully. It was a nice chapter.

I wish you a lovely day/night.

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Another bit of action to add onto this story here. I think you're doing a lovely job so far. There's still that same issue that plagues of few of these other chapters but despite it, we're still jumping from cliffhanger to cliffhanger and things continue to get interesting.

Anyway let's get right to it,

So. Charlotte was in the Witch Clan territory now. Her quest was coming to an end- if she didn't die of course. She probably would. (Her karate instructor had said she had, "the fighting skills of a cucumber" specifically in those words.)

And now she was shaking from fear so hard, she thought she might faint.

"You ok?" asked Sam, concerned.

"Of course!" (Total lie.) The group continued walking forward until they got to a gigantic castle. Well. sort-of-castle. It was mostly destroyed. But what else to expect for an evil lair?

"Open the door." said Maddie, and it creaked open. Then she fainted dead away. Charlotte screamed until her throat hurt. Every single person in the room was frozen in various states of fear.

"Well, well, well." said a voice. The trio whirled around and saw a witch standing behind them. She did not look menacing, at all. She was, in fact, quite pretty. "I see three- no, wait, four- children, oozing in magic." she said. And then she changed forms completely.

Now, she looked just like the ghost Charlotte had seen in the basement.

"I'm afraid, darling, that your house is inhabited by witches. Not ghosts." it rasped. Charlotte screamed, impressed that she hadn't collapsed like Maddie had a few minutes before. Terror coursed through her.

"RUN!" yelled Toby, and that was what they did. ZAP! a lighting bolt zoomed past them, and shattered a column. Lucky it wasn't me, thought Charlotte. They all dove behind a large column.

"I know what we have to do," she whispered, thinking of every book she had read. "We need to combine our magic."

"That is genius!" yelled Sam. They stood up, and Charlotte tried to put a large flow of power out of her. It worked! The boys did the same, and tried to combine it.

WHOOOSH!

Magic erupted out of the place they were standing, and shockwaves filled the castle. The remaining witches screamed and slowly dissolved. Every trapped person unfroze.

"Charlotte?" suddenly Ellie was running towards her! "You have no idea what happened!" she said. "Meet Missy- she is my Witch friend." Charlotte suddenly gasped- she recognized this girl!

"I'm sorry- I just thought that you were evil, and working with the queen. But you probably didn't know. Unfortunately, she's not here, so we have another mess on our hands," said Missy. And everybody gathered themselves and started to walk to the places they came from.