Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.
So, I am sure you all know about my true story about the overnight trip. But the thing is, I never really thought about what might have happened to him. How did he die? Who did he first haunt?! So, I'm generally making up a backstory for him. I actually have no idea what happened here so I am going to make this up. Enjoy! 👻
Bill, again.
Slowly, the knocks faded, before the window opened and Lila screamed in terror, and Bill screamed as Lila got slowly pulled into the room, courtesy of... that....
"GHOST!!!" screamed the girls, and raced off from the crime scene as fast as they could. Bill's heart was pounding like crazy, and the world felt strangely silent.
And, at that, he fainted.
Sarah
Sarah screamed at the top of her lungs as one of her best friends got dragged into some creepy room. Alejandro, the victim's boyfriend, sobbed so hard that it appeared he wasn't even breathing.
"OMG!" screamed Sarah. "OMG! OMG!" She continued saying that for at least two whole minutes, and then it was clear that she was having a panic attack.
"We need to get out of here!" Screamed some boy, a kid named Weston.
Surprisingly, everyone actually agreed, which rarely happened, because Weston was ugly and everyone hated him.
"Wh-what about our stuff?!" screamed Jim. "My phoooooone...."
Everyone paled. Their things were in the grip of..... the ghost.
"Or, we can get it!" said Courtney, the sassiest, most popular girl in the grade. Sarah froze in terror.
"Are you kidding me?!" She snapped. "We're all going to end up like Lila! Do it yourself, idiot."
"ooooh!" The whole grade yelled. "it's a fiiiiight!"
"Yeah, right." Said Courtney. "Listen, if you do this with me, I' go to your Birthday party."
"OK!!!" Sarah's mind immediately went to imagining the respect she would get. The friends she would get. The popularity would all be hers...
Too bad she'd never survive to see it....
Slowly, a small group of girls opened the door to the boys' dorm, and screamed at what they saw.
Lila was in the middle of the room, laying on the ground, dead. Blood was pooling around her.
The girls screamed, before they slowly felt a cold, clammy hand touching the back of their necks. They screamed once more, before they died, cursed to stay in the locked door forever.
Wilbur was now free, free to roam the area as he wished.
Wilbur knew this wasn't a one-time thing. The boys were next....
they all were.
The end.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,005 Literary Works • 672,805 Reviews
Hey fox, Icy here for a quick review this evening! I’m on my phone, so sorry in advance for any typos that I might make!
Bill’s part at the beginning of this chapter is pretty short, so it makes it feel a bit redundant because we jump straight into Sarah’s perspective. I think you could make Bill’s section a bit more in depth. I like the part where you describe his heart pounding and I think that might be a good one to explore in more detail.
The creepy room Alejandro gets dragged into could also have a bit more description. How does Sarah know it’s creepy, does she see it?
I like the line about everyone hating Weston xD the tone change was a little jarring though, and kind of took me out of the spookiness
The fact they’re all so concerned about their stuff and their phones made me laugh and felt very realistic!
Hope this was helpful!
Icy
thanks for the review! (And sarah's just guessing about the room being creepy and stuff.)
So are all of the girls going to die in the locked room? It seems so, from how this was written. I believe that Wilbur is going to haunt everyone…What if Weston is the only survivor? Imagine the boy everyone hates being the only survivor. But again, Wilbur could go after anyone. I enjoyed reading this chapter.
I hope that you will have a lovely and beautiful day and night. Goodbye for now.
Thanks for the review!