16+ Mature Content

The Fire Underneath of Things - 21

by Rook

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.

~1032 words

Disclaimer: if your are uncomfortable with a lady of the night making Grey uncomfortable, this may not be the chapter for you. I was pretty uncomfortable writing it. Apologies all around. Grey isn't in the most... wholesome circumstances in this chapter.

Grey

Grey stumbled down the street that led away from Tommy’s party. He was leaving early, and Tommy had wanted to stay, so he walked alone over the midnight cobblestones. He had avoided drinking any of the things Tommy had been pressuring him to “enjoy” all night, but the fumes of various substances being smoked and the women’s perfumes as they jostled him around had been too much for his senses and had left him dizzy and groggy.

Tommy had been ecstatic at the party for all the reasons Grey had left it, and couldn’t understand why Grey didn’t enjoy it too. Grey didn’t get it either. It was the sort of thing a boy his age was supposed to enjoy, right? But it had just left him feeling vaguely sick and guilty, not to mention the thick fog he felt muddling his brain. He decided not to go straight home, but to take a walk and clear his head.

He didn’t often come to Dockside, the seedier part of town, where all the buildings were more ramshackle and everything felt dirtier and more… desperate. His parents would never have let Grey explore Dockside had they lived in this town rather than one ninety miles away: it would have been a stain on their reputation for their son to be seen cavorting with the lower class. Part of him was still afraid he’d be robbed and stabbed and left behind a building somewhere, but another part was calm with reassurances that all the people in town were probably good at heart, and he didn’t look rich enough to mug anyway.

In Dockside, there was a tavern on almost every corner, and each one seemed to have its own personality. Some were brooding and dark, some were bright and loud and raucous with bawdy singing. Outside one such inn—called The Whale’s Head—was a woman with bright red hair that matched her lipstick and skirt. She was wearing a loose blouse with a plunging neckline and reminded him a lot of the girls at Tommy’s party. But unlike those girls, this woman was breathtakingly beautiful.

“Hey handsome,” she called, shining a radiant smile at Grey.

“H-hello,” said Grey. He could feel his face burn. Did she really think he was handsome?

“What are you doin’ all by yourself so late at night? I’d expect a man handsome as you to have twenty gals hanging from your arm.” Her voice was slurred, and she weaved closer to Grey, her hips swaying with every step.

Grey felt the blush overtake his ears. “Uh, just… going for a walk to clear my head,” Grey said. The walk seemed to have worked, because Grey’s mind now felt completely empty. Perhaps it was the cloying perfume the woman was wearing. It smelled of lilacs and honeysuckle and roses.

“It’s cold out though, you should come inside where it’s warm.” She held out her hand, obviously expecting Grey to take it.

“Actually, it’s a pretty warm night, but thanks for the offer,” said Grey, edging away from her outstretched hand.

The woman pouted, then squinted closer at Grey. “Oh my!” she said, her voice all fluttery. “You’re just a kidlet!” She reached forward and ruffled his hair before Grey had the chance to duck. “You really shouldn’t be out here at this time of night!” She gasped, as if something had just occurred to her, and grasped his shoulder, searching his face with her piercing green eyes. “Where are your parents?”

Not sure what to say, not sure if he could even say anything at all, Grey tried to shrug and smile apologetically.

“Oh no!” the woman whispered as if she was in a tragic drama production. “You poor thing! You’re an orphan, aren’t you?” Before Grey could protest, the woman had embraced Grey, squashing his face into her ample bosom. “You poor dear! Probably homeless too! And here I was, trying to turn you into a client when you’ve got nothing but the clothes on your back! I’ve been a naughty woman tonight, will you ever forgive me?”

“Mmmph!” said Grey. He was beginning to suffocate under her tight embrace.

Finally, she unwrapped her arms from around him, but still held him an arm’s length away so she could look into his face. She had the most pitying expression Grey had ever seen, but her face was still beautiful. “Is there anything I can do, honey bunch?”

“I just-”

“Oh no!” she cried again. “I can’t offer you anything you want. Oh how I wish I could.”

Grey watched incredulously as her eyes filled with real tears.

“But I am a,” she cleared her throat, “working woman. I cannot give you shelter from the cold, cold night.”

“That’s really fine,” Grey said. His eyes darted around, looking for a way to escape this admittedly beautiful but still quite drunk and crazy woman. “I really don’t need anything. I’m honestly okay.”

“Oh, but I so want to help!” she enthused.

“I don’t know how you could, but thank you for the offer,” Grey said.

All of a sudden, the woman perked up. “I know! I trade in favors all the time. You can have one for free, prettyface! Any time you need anything, just come back to The Whale’s Head and ask for Ruby. Will you do that? Promise?”

“Yes,” said Grey, as he finally ducked out of her grasp. He was about to turn and high-tail it back home before his manners resurfaced. “Thank you,” he said, and began to run.

“And really, honey,” she called after him, “come to me with anything you need!”

Grey ran without knowing which way he was going. He just knew he had to get away from Ruby and Dockside. It was in this way that he found himself lost in another part of town entirely.

It was called Hazel’s Hill, and it was where most of the witches in town lived. Everyone avoided Hazel’s Hill if they did not have business there, and for good reason. There were rumors that floated through the town that those who became lost in Hazel’s Hill were rarely seen again. And Grey was very, very lost.

Comments & reviews · 4
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User avatar
ExOmelas
Review

I wonder if I might finish revmo today...

Nit-picks and nice moments:

it would have been a stain on their reputation for their son to be seen cavorting with the lower class

I think this should have been something stronger than "lower class", like "peasant serfs" or "bottom rung of society". Lower class is what they are, but it doesn't necessarily sound that judgemental.

Hey, handsome,” she called


Overall:

So, I think everything that happens between the characters makes sense in this chapter, but I'm not sure how happy I am with that. Grey is socially awkward, as has been established, so it makes sense for him to be awkward around a stranger offering him things. But he's also very polite, so I think I'm a little disappointed in him for taking so long to say thank you. Ruby clearly has very, very little to offer, and she's willing to give some of that up for a stranger. That's a really, really cool person, and I hope Grey at least realises that on reflection.

However, I really like the way you've shown her to be a kind person. There's always a temptation with prostitutes, especially in this sort of setting, to show them as desperate, almost hungry, trying to lure men into their establishments. I think that's quite a harmful stereotype since most women don't really want to be in that situation (especially in the time period your settings seems to be). What you do is show her humanity - her instinct to help what she sees as another helpless human being. I'd maybe have liked her to be a bit more business-like once she realised Grey wasn't interested, but maybe that's just not who she is.

I also think just be very very careful about how you have Grey describe women with low cut tops. He sounded very scornful in this chapter. He's currently treading a bit of a line, being friends with Tommy and all, but is definitely on the correct side of it. He's good, but also human. Just be careful he doesn't start being really condescending about this sort of thing.

Hope this helps,
Biscuits :)

User avatar
Que
Review
Que wrote a review · Sat Sep 02, 2017 2:16 am

Hey fortis!

I've been meaning to catch up on reading all of these, so I hope you don't mind if I leave a review along the way~ So, overall, of course I loved it. I'm probably just going to point out some personal preference things, but I'll do my best to say something useful!

He had avoided drinking any of the things Tommy had been pressuring him to “enjoy” all night, but the fumes of various substances being smoked and the women’s perfumes as they jostled him around had been too much for his senses and had left him dizzy and groggy.

I really liked your description here of how grey is feeling after accidentally inhaling fumes, perfumes, and smoke, but I'd also like some visual description here. What do the cobblestone streets look like through his groggy vision? It will also give more depth to Tommy's inner feelings, I think, if you kind of describe the outside world in a way that mirrors them. (Not that I do a good job with that. XD) It also might help explain why he wandered over to Dockside- that's not very clear, and even if he won't get robbed or anthing, why would he actively choose to go there? If it was more of a subconscious decision, I can kind of understand.

The walk seemed to have worked, because Grey’s mind now felt completely empty. Perhaps it was the cloying perfume the woman was wearing. It smelled of lilacs and honeysuckle and roses.

...didn't he want to escape the perfume, among other things? Cloying to me seems very thick and heavy, like something you'd choke on and not very clear. Maybe you could mention that it was different from the people at the party, and maybe it wasn't so bad.

Hm, at the end, Grey just wanted "to get away from Ruby and Dockside"- It didn't really seem established earlier that he wanted to get away from her? He was embarrassed, he thought she was beautiful, and his mind was empty. Then he was suddenly suffocating in her embrace and decided to run away. Maybe you could add in clues earlier to suggest his growing discomfort- not the embarrassment, but whatever it is that really drives him to get out, I feel like it should be a little more to inspire a full-on run away, not even a brisk walk.

Also, I could've sworn Grey knew the city better? First he goes to Dockside, where he doesn't want to be, and then he goes to Hazel's Hill, where he also doesn't want to be. You say he's lost, but maybe you could go more in depth about whatever desperation he feels driving him to run away, or maybe the lingering disorientation from the party, whatever it is. Still, it's fun to get a sense of the city with all these different parts!

Nice chapter! I honestly like Ruby a lot more than I thought I would. XD Also I feel like Grey totally needs a mother figure! Hopefully I'll get to your other chapters soon. :)

-Q

User avatar
IcyFlame
Review

Hi there, here for a quick review.
First off, I really enjoyed your writing, especially the balance of description and moving the story along right at the beginning of the chapter. It flowed really well. The only line out of place for me at the beginning was this:

It was the sort of thing a boy his age was supposed to enjoy, right?

I think the 'right' disrupts the story telling somehow, and wondered if it might read better if you reworded.

but another part was calm with reassurances that all the people in town were probably good at heart, and he didn’t look rich enough to mug anyway.

This is probably just because I haven't read any previous chapters, but why does he feel like everyone is good at heart?

I can't really find any other mistakes! As I said above, I really enjoyed the flow of this although I think it progressed a little too quickly at the end. I also think it's probably too short to be a chapter on its own but it would work very nicely tagged onto the end of your previous one.

I really liked the cliffhanger at the end. Good luck to Grey!

Icy

User avatar
BluesClues
Review

Okay, this may be the first time in my life I've ever uttered this phrase, but: I love the prostitute. Omg. Like, okay, yes, she made him all uncomfortable, but the moment when she realized how young he was and went from "prostitute trying to hook a client" to "matronly woman concerned for a poor orphan child" was pretty great, and never mind the fact that she was drunk.

She could've just been there to provide some illustration of the seediness of Dockside, but I kind of hope Grey really does take her up on her offer to come to her if he ever needs a favor.

Witches! Cool. We've got newsprint roses and volcanoes and flower shops, and now this mention of witches kind of reminds me of Howl's Moving Castle - how there are these sort of steampunky towns but also witches and wizards and magic. I'm intrigued by the last sentence, and I can't wait to read more!

(I'm sure this won't happen, but wouldn't it be great if Ruby turned out to secretly be a witch?)

Image



Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.
— Jamie Anderson