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The Fire Underneath of Things - 27

by Rook

~1061

Grey

It was finally Tuesday. Grey turned the scrying sphere over and over in his hand as he sat on the edge of his bed. He was nervous, but committed. Today was the day he’d finally finish his project and ask Ivy out. He sighed and flopped back on his back. Yesterday she had come in and he hadn’t even been there. What must she think of him? A lazy slacker? The truth was, Grey had been wandering around Hazel’s Hill, trying to find Strix. He’d had no luck and had received a lot of glares from the witches in town. It was obvious he didn’t fit in. He was hoping he’d be able to resolve the Strix situation to calm his nerves before asking Ivy out, but it just wasn’t to be.

After a few minutes more lying on the bed, Grey steeled himself and readied himself for the day. When he left his little corner of the Workshop, Grey caught a whiff of sizzling bacon mixing with the usual smell of sawdust, paint, and various metals and chemicals. He approached the Workshop’s little kitchen to find Alder cooking up some bacon and eggs and humming to himself.

“What’s got you in such a good mood?” Grey asked, suspicious.

“I’m just glad to be alive, I suppose,” Alder said, smiling broadly at Grey. He shoved a plate heaped with steaming bacon and eggs at Grey. “Eat this. You need more protein. You’re always so skinny!”

Grey wolfed down the breakfast. It had been a very long time since Alder had cooked them breakfast. Most of the time Grey ate nothing in the mornings, but recently, on days he was really hungry, he’d break into a bakery and pilfer one of their pastries while walking home from lamp-extinguishing. After Grey finished his plate, he grunted in satisfaction. The breakfast had been one of the best he’d ever had. “Thanks, Alder.”

“You’re welcome, Grey.”

Alder and Grey worked all day on Alder’s crazy project. Grey knew it would never work, but he humored the old man, still grateful for a wonderful breakfast. He also hoped being good would give him good luck for later in the day when Ivy showed up. As usual, around late afternoon, Alder gave some excuse for why he couldn’t work anymore.

“Got a crick in my back. I’ll let you keep going on your own. Say hi to Nikki and Ivy for me!” Alder walked away, a hand resting against the small of his back.

Grey wondered briefly if Alder purposefully left him alone most evenings. He never seemed to have back issues or letters to send during the day. Not that Grey was complaining. He had work to do. He pulled out the machine he had been working on, the one with little spindles, almost like Gidgit, but more precise. Now, he had added a sort of vambrace fitted to his forearm so he could wear the machine comfortably. The machine almost looked like an animatronic arm with long, spindly fingers that could move and bend intricately based on tiny finger movement. It was a thing of beauty, and it was almost complete. All Grey needed to do was add a base for the scrying sphere, then pop in the sphere itself.

He hadn’t been sure what the exact proportions of the sphere would be, otherwise he would already have started on the base. As it was, it took a while to get the base to the exact right shape to fit snugly onto the machine. Ivy arrived just as Grey finally secured the base.

“Hi Grey,” she said with a bright smile. “Nikki will be along soon. She’s bickering with a buyer.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” said Grey, suddenly nervous. Instead of meeting her eye, he focused all his attention on ensuring the base was firmly in place.

“Is that the machine you had me work on that one time?” Ivy asked, coming closer to inspect it.

“Yeah.” Grey’s grip tightened on the machine. So she recognized it. Back when she had helped work on it, it had been a mess of teeny tiny parts. What would she think of it now?

“Oh Grey, it’s beautiful.” She put out one of her graceful fingers to touch one of the spindles.

Grey flushed with pride. “Do you want to, um, finish it? There’s only one piece left.” He held up the scrying sphere and gestured to the base.

“Are you sure you want me to? I’ll probably screw it up.”

“Of course I want you to. And I don’t think you could really screw it up. You just have to pop this sphere into the base, and it’ll hold like a charm.” He offered her the sphere that reflected the whole room, making it seem like he and Ivy were on their own separate little planet that he could hold in one hand.

“Alright,” she said, and gently took the sphere out of his hand. Her fingers brushed against his palm, sending a tingle up his arm. She pressed the sphere against the base until it popped into place. “Was that okay?” She asked, looking up at Grey.

“You were perfect,” he said, before raising his machine to his face to check if the base was hugging the sphere as snugly as he had intended. It was. “Perfect,” he repeated.

“So, I asked you this before and you said it didn’t do anything yet. But now that it’s finished, can you tell me what it does?” Ivy asked.

Grey looked at her out of the corner of his eye and gave her what he hoped was a mischievous smile. “Why don’t I show you what it does say, Friday night? Maybe after some dinner?”

Ivy looked very surprised. “Grey, is this… are you asking me on a date?”

“If I was, would you say yes?” He tried to keep the desperation out of his voice, but he wasn’t entirely sure he was succeeding.

Ivy was silent for what seemed to Grey like eternity. He stomach dropped. How could he be so stupid? She hated him. Thought he was disgusting. Only put up with him because she actually fell for Alder’s craziness. She probably loathed him ever since they first met.

“Yeah, it sounds like fun,” Ivy finally said.

“What?”

“I said yeah. Let’s do it.”

And Grey’s heart soared.

--

A/N: Btw, this is a vambrace https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vambrace

If anyone knows a more common term for that same thing, lemme know.

edit: duuude look at this cool one: http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2470/3910755270_6a4b93fc8b.jpg it's got like, a light on the end of it. So steampunk :o 

Comments & reviews · 4
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User avatar
ExOmelas
Review

Was getting a little tired but I have acquired tea!

Nit-picks and nice moments:

He sighed and flopped back on his back

Unsure if the two "back"s are supposed to be humorous but they're just a little repetitive since there's no clear punchline.

Grey steeled himself and readied himself for the day

Repetition of "himself" a little jarring.

Grey wondered briefly if Alder purposefully left him alone most evenings. He never seemed to have back issues or letters to send during the day.

I was going to say that Grey remarking on the regularity of this was a little out of the blue. It's not something I'd thought about, but now that I think about it I was mentioning being sad that Alder was always absent. Anyway, I thought this sentence was a nice sly way of suggesting that Alder knows Grey's up to something. Or maybe it's not that at all - who knows!

Ivy arrived just as Grey finally secured the base.

I think that might be worth its own paragraph.

making it seem like he and Ivy were on their own separate little planet that he could hold in one hand.

That is a lovely image ^.^

Ivy looked very surprised.

I'd like some description of her gestures/facial expressions here, rather than just being told.

His stomach dropped


Overall:

Awwwww xD I'm so glad this is finally happening for them. Although, I'm very interested to hear what Ivy's thinking at this point. Her last couple of interactions with Grey really haven't led her to a place where I'd expect her to say yes to this. By this point I trust you to be truthful to your own characters, but I'm struggling to imagine what her thought process is here. Maybe you could have her mumble something to herself as she's thinking that would make sense to the reader but not to Grey? I'll let you know if I think that's still necessary after I read the next Ivy chapter though.

You have done the suspense of this machine so, so well. I absolutely cannot wait to see what this damn thing does. It returns me to the point of your pacing being very good. Actually, as I was thinking about writing a sentence to the effect of Grey's machine alongside Alder's machine's plot, I remembered that Grey still isn't even remotely convinced that Alder's is going to work, which could be an interesting conflict between him and Ivy. I wonder where that could go.

Hope this helps,
Biscuits :)

User avatar
Que
Review
Que wrote a review · Fri Sep 15, 2017 3:07 am

I'm back! :) So excited as I'm getting down to the more recent chapters here, and the plot is building up even more!!

I always start out so bluntly into my reviews, so sorry about that, I'm just trying to write down thoughts as I go along.

Grey steeled himself and readied himself for the day.

That bit is kind of repetitive, "steeled himself and readies himself"- can one be eliminated? Or, if they're different, could it be something like, "Grey steeled himself, then got out of bed and began to get ready for the day"?

He pulled out the machine he had been working on, the one with little spindles, almost like Gidgit, but more precise.

I'm still kind of wondering where Gidgit has been? Did he break in a chapter and escape my notice? (If so, Grey would probably notice and miss him) To be honest, I leave off little characters all the time, I was just wondering because Gidgit was adorable and cute and I miss him. <3

Honestly, there weren't really that many things I noticed as being off in this chapter, it was really good! Alder's mysterious disappearances in the evenings are kind of funny... I also liked that Nikki was going to be a few minutes late. Also, I don't know why, but Grey always seems a little creepier when he's with Ivy than, say, when he hung out with Strix? I don't know, just a fun observation. I have no idea what his machine does, but the fact that he needed a hard-to-get scrying sphere for it doesn't really bode well....... Hm. :)

Thanks for the awesome writing!!

-Q

User avatar
Aley
Review
Aley wrote a review · Mon Aug 21, 2017 5:25 pm

Wiki says "forearm guard" is a more common term for vambrance.

Hello Fort,

I think your writing is really clean. You don't have typos I noticed or things that need to be worked on with your style, so what I found as edits or suggestions is simple stuff. Here's my list.


After a few minutes more lying on the bed, Grey steeled himself and readied himself for the day.


It isn't a big problem, but repeating "himself" like that is a bad idea for a book and a poem and a short story. There's got to be a better way to say that. If you took out "Himself" would it mean the same thing? Where wouldn't it? If it DOES mean the same thing, take that one out.

When he left his little corner of the Workshop, Grey caught a whiff of sizzling bacon mixing with the usual smell of sawdust, paint, and various metals and chemicals.


If something is a typical smell for someone, and they're always in it, they're not goign to smell it. Just a thought in case the room he just came out of would have those undertones he said are usual.

Grey looked at her out of the corner of his eye and gave her what he hoped was a mischievous smile. “Why don’t I show you what it does say, Friday night?”

Ivy looked very surprised. “Grey, is this… are you asking me on a date?”


I feel like you're almost leading the witness on this one, like Ivy really shouldn't have been picking up on that so quick. I mean, unless Ivy and him have flirted hard core before this, which it doesn't seem like they have, then Ivy would probably just be thinking he needed time to test it before showing it off, and since Ivy obviously comes over at night, it would make sense that it would be Friday night.

I think you might be able to make this a little more clear if he was blushing hard core when he asked, or if he indicated a location that was romantic like the beach, or after dinner or something.

User avatar
Lightsong
Review

Hey, I'm here to give a crappy review! :D

“You were perfect,” he said, before raising his machine to his face to check if the base was hugging the sphere as snugly as he had intended. It was. “Perfect,” he repeated.


D'aww... I thought he would realize what he's said and correct it, but it seems like he missed the distinctive meaning of 'you were perfect'. I mean, it can be like the incomplete phrase where you say, 'You were perfect doing it' but in this context it can be interpreted otherwise, specifically in a romantic manner. You go, Grey. ;)

[quote]Grey looked at her out of the corner of his eye and gave her what he hoped was a mischievous smile. “Why don’t I show you what it does say, Friday night?”

Ivy looked very surprised. “Grey, is this… are you asking me on a date?”[quote]

I think the transition here is a little bit too fast. I mean, I'm not sure Ivy's assumption when Grey asks her if he can show him its ability on Friday night would be him asking her out. I can simply be as innocent as it has been phrased. I think perhaps make her asking if there's another meaning to his question and let Grey tells her he's asking her out would make the transition smoother. I'm not an expert in this romance section tho, so it might just be me.

I like how Ivy replies to that, like, since you don't really describe her reaction and use the dialogue instead for that, it seems like she doesn't treat it like it's a big deal, which might be contrary to how she takes her time to react to that. This is different for Grey - we actually see how he tries to ask her out, wanting not to sound desperate, and while the phrase 'his heart soars' makes me chuckle, it showcases more of his emotional state. So if you show a bit more of how Ivy reacts to that, we can see this asking out being more important to both of them rather than to only Grey.

Vambrace is a cool weapon/armor! It reminds me of Gray's spell in Fairy Tail, which is an anime if you don't know. :3 I don't like the character but the vambrace spell looks totall cool and badass. And that is all I have to say about this chapter! I'm sure there'd be more exciting stuffs waiting for readers. Keep up the good job! :D



"It matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be."
— Albus Dumbledore