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Young Writers Society


16+ Language Mature Content

The Fire Underneath of Things - 16

by Rook


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and mature content.

Chapter 16

~1205 words

A/N: All the young men I'm writing are just getting more and more creepy. What the heck, me? Heads up, Tommy crosses some lines in this chapter. That's why this is rated higher than normal.

Ivy

Helping at the workshop seemed much more normal now that Nikki was back. Grey seemed to have realized that he’d messed up last time and gave Ivy plenty of space, which Ivy, for one, didn’t mind in the slightest. He spent most of his time with Nikki actually, leaving the menial task of sorting through screws and bolts to Ivy. She didn’t mind. It gave her plenty of time to think.

Now that she could take a step back from Grey and just observe him, she could see he wasn’t a bad guy. Sure, he could look a little moody at times, but other times, he had an easy smile. Nikki was probably right. She was probably just misinterpreting friendly gestures as too forward. Ivy was ready to give their friendship another shot. She hefted her bucket of screws over to where Nikki and Grey were tinkering with Alder’s big machine and joined their conversation.

“So you’re an apprentice here, then?” Nikki was asking.

“Yeah. My mother and father wanted to send me far away while it still looked like I was receiving an excellent education. That’s not really what this is. It’s not a respectable apprenticeship, really, but I don’t mind. Better than being stuck with those stuffed shirts for all my life,” Grey answered.

Nikki noticed Ivy walking up. “Grey’s nobility, did you know?”

Grey snorted. “I wouldn’t call it nobility.”

“His mother and father are with the inner circle though, right? The crust of society as they say?”

“Yeah, they weaseled their way in there somehow, even though their title is all but made-up and the money’s run dry. They’re clinging to society with every inch of their lives. They think being title-less is worse than death itself, the pretentious pricks.” Grey was scowling in earnest now.

“Still that means you’ve got connections,” Nikki said with a knowing look.

“None that I care to be connected with. As far as I’m concerned, once my apprenticeship is over, I’m a free man. I’m never going home again,” he spat.

“At least you have someone who you could fall back on if you needed to.” Ivy had meant the comment to come off breezily and flippant, but instead it sounded dark and self-piteous.

“Oh?” said Gray. “What d’you mean?”

“Sorry. I didn’t mean- Well, I don’t have any parents myself, now do I? I’ve got my gran, but she needs me to fall back on, instead of the other way around.”

“I’m… I’m sorry to hear that Ivy. I didn’t know.”

Ivy searched his face. She didn’t need his pity: she had long ago come to terms with her life. But she was intrigued to see there was real empathy behind Grey’s eyes. They held each other’s gaze for a breath before Grey jerked back to examining the machine. There was a beat of awkward silence.

“Boy. I feel like I’ve taken my family for granted,” Nikki said. “When I go home tonight, I’m going to give them all a big hug.”

Ivy cracked a grateful grin. Soon, they were all talking easily again, about matters that mattered very little.

After a while, Grey stood up and stretched. “We’ve got a recruitment speech again tonight. There’s one every week. Do you girls want to watch it again? I don’t, because I’ve seen it a million times and it gets old really quick, but… you guys might be a little more insane than I am. You did join this society willingly. I was shipped into it, you remember?”

Ivy and Nikki looked at each other.

“I think I’d like to see it again,” offered Ivy.

“Maybe I’ll understand more of it this time,” said Nikki.

“Suit yourself,” said Grey with a shrug. “It should be starting in a little bit. I’m going to see if Jack is here.”

The three of them walked together through the maze of machines to the small chamber room full of pews. Alder was already standing at the front, reading a dirty scrap of paper through thick-lensed spectacles and clearing his throat nervously every few seconds. Sure enough, Jack was sprawled out on the back pew again, eyes closed, looking like the hard wooden bench was the most comfortable seat in the world. He was wearing a different nice suit from last week, but the same gray bowler hat.

“Hey Jack! Have you met Ivy and Nikki?” Grey asked.

Jack opened his eyes slowly. They were a piercing hazel. “I believe I have,” he said, lazily tipping his hat. “The only two strangers to ever make it through one of Alder’s speeches, I believe. Pleased to see you ladies again.”

“Likewise,” Nikki responded with a curtsy.

The man seemed to consider Nikki with a calculating, appraising look. His eyes flicked to Ivy, and he seemed about to speak when the door opened suddenly.

A dirty, mousy-faced boy poked his head in. His eyes scanned the room. They passed quickly over Jack, almost as if he wasn’t there. His eyes lingered on Nikki, for perhaps a little too long, because she folded her arms and looked irritated and embarrassed. The boy smirked and moved on. When his eyes landed on Ivy, they widened a little, blinked, and darted right to Grey, who said, “Tommy?”

“Yeah, of course it’s me, who’re you expecting? The Pope? Thought I’d drop in, and just have a few words.” Tommy ran a hand through his hair and glanced quickly back at Nikki. “But I can stay for a while. Maybe you can introduce me to your… friends.” He smiled like a hungry fox.

“Uh, sure,” said Grey. “This is Jack-”

“We’ve met,” interrupted Tommy.

“Indeed,” Jack said, his voice quiet like a cat’s purr.

“This is Nikki,” Grey hurried on. “I think I’ve-”

“Yes, you’ve mentioned her. But you never mentioned what a… curvaceous beauty she is.” Tommy smiled slyly at Nikki, who looked more taken aback than Ivy had ever seen her.

“T-thank you?” she said.

“The pleasure is mine,” Tommy said. Quick as a wink, he snatched Nikki’s hand and planted a kiss there.

Nikki made a strangled scream, but looked to horrorstruck to do anything else.

Grey cleared his throat loudly, glaring at Tommy.

“What?” Tommy asked indignantly. “That’s what you did to the Gyp here, ain’t it?”

Ivy gagged in surprise and sudden rage.

Grey looked livid. “Roma. And I can see you needed no introduction to Ivy, here,” he said icily. “What did you want?” It was more of a challenge than a question.

“I told you! I just wanted to have a bit of a chat.” Tommy raised his eyebrows in mock innocence.

“Well I’ll ask you kindly to wait until lamplighting.” Grey’s voice was steel. He sounded anything but kind.

“Ah, but we were having such fun!” Tommy scooted closer to Nikki. He was still holding her hand, and she was still petrified.

“Thomas!” Alder yelled from the front of the room. “Stop harassing my volunteers or I’ll have you thrown out on your ear! I mean it!”

Tommy rolled his eyes, but let go of Nikki’s hand. She looked relieved. “Yeah, yeah. I’ll see you later, Grey.” And with that, he walked out the door.


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Wed Sep 20, 2017 10:40 pm
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ExOmelas wrote a review...



Okay, one more review then I go to bed. Seriously, I mean it. *forces self to go to sleep*

Nit-picks and nice moments:

the pretentious pricks

This bit doesn't seem overly necessary. It's like he's pointing out that their position is pretentious, which is pretty obvious. I think it's more powerful with him just describing them. Or alternatively, he could say something much, much stronger, so we could see how deep his fury runs.

“Oh?” said Gray. “What d’you mean?”

I'd like to know what his facial expression is here. Raised eyebrow? Earnest?

“T-thank you?” she said.

Amidst my squirming I noticed that that would probably phonetically be "Th-thank you?"

Overall:

AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

GET RID OF HIM!!

Ahem. So, obviously I'm having a rather visceral warning alarm reaction to Tommy, which I guess is what you want. You have him down to a tee; I seriously have nothing critical to say about that.

I do however want to bring back up the matter of Alder. I haven't the slightest clue what his internal reaction to this happening is. As a supporting character, I don't need to see all the way inside his head, but it would be useful to at least know the other characters' expectations of him. Does he being around make matters better or worse for Ivy and Nikki? It's also just a matter of characterisation and me understanding how the situation stands.

Seriously though, this chapter was a really, really good depiction of human interaction and I can absolutely picture all of these people. Even Jack, who seems to be rather satirical :P

Hope this helps,
Biscuits :)

*Wishes there was a revmo banner*




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Sun Jun 25, 2017 2:48 am
Que wrote a review...



Hey forti! Happy Review Day. ;)

So, I did love this chapter because I love this whole novel, but it is quite creepy. I guess you did a good job with the creepiness.

I did really like that although Ivy is being pressured into giving Grey a chance (and Grey was too, I believe...?), they both kind of take a step back and a deep breath in the first paragraph. I feel like that was needed for both of them. :)

I feel like Grey wouldn't really be that open about his past as part of the nobility? I mean, he was glad to get away, even if he's stuck in this apprenticeship. I don't know, but I guess I thought he'd be a bit more guarded about his past, maybe so he wouldn't be pitied about his parents wanting him sent away. Maybe you could have this come up in less of an offhand way- Nikki's just like, "He's nobility, did you know?" It made it seem less kike a motivating factor in Grey's life, and I kind of always thought it was.

Ivy cracked a grateful grin. Soon, they were all talking easily again, about matters that mattered very little.

I just love that last line. <3 Great way of putting it!

I agree with BlueAfrica that near the end I'd like to see some more of Ivy's feelings. Not just about Tommy, but how she feels about her best friend. Nikki was "too horrorstruck to do anything else". Does Ivy want to defend her? Is she mad for her friend, or too shocked?

Also, when Tommy calls Ivy a Gyp, I think it'd be better to see a stronger reaction from Grey than just looking livid. Does he do something really defensive and angry? I like to use the word "snarled" as a dialogue tag, or maybe "his face contorted in rage"- something a little more visual. Or, you know, it would also be interesting if you showed him as mad but also struggling, because Tommy's his friend too and it's hard to turn on a friend completely (even if he's a creep. Probably).

I think that's it! You had some interesting stuff going on. I feel like we don't know much about Jack lurking in the back there, but I feel like he's pretty sketchy, since he didn't step in or speak up? I wonder if he'll have a bit of a part to play in this. And definitely Tommy seems like trouble that'll be back later. Great job with everything! I like your character interactions so so much. <3

-Falc




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Mon Jun 12, 2017 3:23 pm
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BluesClues wrote a review...



Wow, I know Alder's not great news, but I'm glad he intervened there. Yikes. A misogynist and a racist, the best combination not. Ethnicist? Well, whatever. Person who not only says "gypsy" but clearly uses it as a slur and doesn't even attempt to use any other term.

On that note, I had no idea Ivy was Roma until the last chapter! I must have missed it somehow, I know I didn't start reading right at the beginning (at least I think I didn't, but who remembers).

I appreciate that Nikki is clearly uncomfortable even though plenty of people would say Tommy is "complimenting" her. He probably thinks he is, too, but obviously ew. On that note, he's suuuuper obvious about being a creep even though in the last chapter he seemed like maybe not the best/nicest guy but not a totally awful human being. It's a little weird to me that Grey actually bothers with him, but I guess when friends are thin on the ground, anyone will do until you have better.

Which sounds awful but really isn't. I mean, it is, like it's bad to be friends with someone awful because you have no friends, but also it makes sense that we do that sort of thing, because we are social beasts.

So now that I've thought about it, I guess it makes perfect sense that Grey bothers with Tommy, especially since his family is also a sore point.

I'd like to see more of what Ivy's feeling here as Tommy makes a completely [redacted] of himself. Rage when he calls her a Gyp, obviously, but how does she feel realizing this is someone Grey knows pretty well? How does she feel seeing a side of Grey that's also clearly outraged? How creeped out is she by Tommy's advances toward Nikki, and does she do or want to do anything to get between him and her friend? I feel like we're somewhat lacking in her feelings in a spot where it makes sense to include them.

Almost caught up! One more chapter to go.

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