Fort, fort, fort,
Another long period just passed, giving me plenty of time to think up a creative opening. But alas, I did not. So here we are, just going straight to the review, skipping pleasantries as we do. Getting started...
It had, of course, been cooked by someone who was firstly a scientist or politician or something else, and secondly a chef.
Okay, so this was something I'd been kind of wondering about before, but now my curiosity is solidified. Why do they ONLY have scientists on the ship. I mean, I know they're probably trying to keep the staff as small as possible, and scientists tend to be helpful things to have around when you've got a space mission and such going on.
BUT I mean they knew this was going to be a long-term project. And they brought Everen for communication. So why couldn't they also have brought along a doctor and a chef? Like, it would make sense the scientists having to double as janitors -- no point in having non-essential support staff around. But food and medicine are pretty important to human survival, and you'd think having an extra couple of people around would be worth it, for the comfort and survival of the rest of the crew?
The people investigating his death (it was a makeshift CSI unit, composed of some biologists who knew a bit of forensics) hadn’t come to any solid conclusions yet, or at least they hadn’t made any statements publicly yet.
Okay, so, you've done this in other chapters and I don't think? I've given you my soapbox on it cause it kinda worked. But I'm really really not a fan of parenthetical statements in prose.
There's other punctuation that can work just as well (in this case I think you could straight up replace the () with dashes, honestly, and delete the 'it was' at the start), and I dunno, I just really don't like them in literature. They're super helpful in like personal communication as an aside for something that's not entirely essential but helpful for clarification, but to me they just seem a bit lazy within a story.
Also, the content of those parentheticals made me kinda grin. I can see it now -- biologists who sorta kinda think they know what they're doing playing CSI because they are the "most qualified" for it, even though they're not really qualified at all. I'm v much envisioning my irl friends in this role and enjoying it immensely. xD
She stood up (someone jumped at the suddenness of it) and tossed her uneaten food into the recycling receptacle.
See, here's an example of what I was talking about above. Really not loving that parenthetical aside here. You can totally rephrase that in a way to convey the content without using a parenthetical statement to do so -- and I would definitely recommend that to be something that you try.
“So with those 3.8885 microparsecs–”
~ ~ ~
Dramaaaaa~ I know I shouldn't know the units thing is a thing yet, but having that knowledge, I must say that this is beautiful foreshadowing... or, maybe not quite foreshadowing, but like, setting it up beautifully. I wouldn't be suspecting that at all as a motive or even a possible connection in the murders now if I hadn't read ahead, so well done in giving us some vital information without it being suspicious.
Onward to the next chapter to see what you have in store!
~Shady
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