all of our bones will turn to dust

hi fig!

this has been sitting in the green room for quite some time, so i figured i would review it! i've always loved how you write poetry.

i think this poem is like a manifesto. that is something i see a lot in your poetry; your voice is so confidently "you" because you don't hide your feelings. the result is haunting. not in a horror sense but in the way that existential dread feels when phrased like poetry. this reads like an internal monologue. there's clarity in that kind of detachment because it is so far detached.

I feel so free but in the way that means untethered
like I'm walking on a tightrope in bad weather

what a strong start!

this is the foundation of the whole poem. it’s the emotional metaphor that sets everything else into motion. there’s a mix of fragility and boldness here. like an acceptance that freedom is not inherently joy. it may be earned, but at what cost? in this case, it seems the price was certainty, identity, or maybe grounding. the “bad weather” doesn’t need to be explained. i assume it’s intuitive, or maybe even a metaphor itself. it could be literal or figurative.

this is furthered in the next line too. if these things "can't truly affect me in a way that matters more than the passage of time itself," the role of time itself shifts. everything else, even fear, becomes theater in comparison. that’s such a destabilizing truth. love that, but i wish it continued throughout the whole poem though.

harnessing your potential is just
challenging the things society says you should fear

a bold line, but it falls flat. what did you have to challenge? what does that fear feel like? the concept itself lands, but the heart doesn't reach the same way. i think this could easily be stronger if you add a visceral image here to showcase HOW society forces certain roles/norms onto people. something like that.

when we all turn to sand and debris
they will be no less dead than we

brutal ending!

this is devastating in its honesty. that juxtaposition does a lot of emotional work here. i also do think the whole poem collapses into this line, in the best way (especially with the previous societal references, the tightrope metaphor, etc). suddenly, everyone is equalized. kings, poets, strangers, followers, you, me. that’s the moment the poem looks the readers directly in the eye. so good!

yeah anyway this is rich. heavy. hollow in a crafted way. all of that. i am honestly shocked it remained in the green room for so long!

best,
chi

Hi @fatherfig I'm here to do a short or long review, hope your okay with how I review XD! without further or do let dive in!

I feel so free but in the way that means untethered
like I'm walking on a tightrope in bad weather

I love the start to this, it puts such a realistic picture in my head of how someone's life might be right now.

it's enlightening how scary everything is
yet it can't truly affect me in a way that
matters more than the passage of time itself

This makes me feel like the person who's speaking is trying to out run a clock that will never stop ticking but there overwhelmed out how fast it's going.

harnessing your potential is just
challenging the things society says you should fear
I'm nothing more than what my ancestors were
and neither are you so why do we believe
that the people above us are rulers really

This sounds like someone who's trying to figure out what they actually believe in and trying to understand who they can trust and rely on and who they can't.

nothing they say matters more than what is said by me
but a cult following is quite ego boosting
when we all turn to sand and debris
they will be no less dead than we

I'm being led to believe that this is talking about people with a belief that doesn't look like its giving them any life, instead it's draining them, and making them more and more unhappy yet they still believe what they are following.

Overall this was a wonderful peace of poetry that made me really think of how different people are handling different things in there lives, and what it must be like for them to be following something and not feeling like there getting anything back for it, I hope that make sense XD!

So that's it for me I hope I wasn't being to harsh and if I was I'm really sorry that was not my intention at all, you no I love your poetry so much fig, you display so much emotion through it and the words just come out so perfectly in your writing. <33

I hope you have a wonderful day/night

@Dossereana Flying Over Vintage Writings & Spreading Love And Peace