i would rather haunt you than be alive here, seeing
how you treat yourself and unable to stop it, maybe this is love.
i would rather free fall into a canyon than hear you crying,
my greatest fear is falling, tell me is this affection
i can't tell you how i feel because you could crush me without meaning to;
do i even know how i feel anymore? i was sure we were just friends.
maybe i was just afraid of ruining you; my energy doesnt mix with perfect
and if you ever uprooted my heart i could never blame you.
this is the quiet pain because when i tell you i love you
i don't know exactly how i mean it i just know it is true
and when you say it back my heart melts into glue and
i don't know what relationship i am supposed to build with it
it seems i only ever want to question the narrative
when someone else has already found their happy ending
i would rather leave broken hearted than impose my feelings on you;
you deal with so much already and i won't ever tell you how i feel
because you are genuinely happy and it took such a long time
to see you like this i don't hate your boyfriend who writes you poetry
and i don't envy him i am not perfect he seems too good to be true
I am sure he is probably even better in person; I worry because
usually you pick poison and I hate to see you after you have taken a draft.
Your poem explores complicated feelings towards someone the speaker cares for deeply but cannot express their feelings to. I thought it was a really well written and evocative piece. The speaker expresses their fear of falling and their uncertainty about their feelings, questioning whether they truly love the person or not. I thought it really captured that essence of a first love you never got to be with, but holding no resentment about their current life now. The speaker goes on to explain that they cannot tell the person how they feel because they are afraid of ruining their happiness. They acknowledge that the person is with someone else who seems too good to be true, and they worry about the person's history of making bad choices in relationships. The poem ends with the speaker expressing their desire to protect the person and their fear of seeing them hurt.
Overall, your poemis a poignant and heartfelt poem that captures the complexity of unrequited love and the fear of expressing one's true feelings. The speaker's reluctance to tell the person how they feel is understandable, as they are concerned about the person's well-being and do not want to jeopardize their happiness. The poem also touches on themes of self-doubt and uncertainty, as the speaker questions their own feelings and worries about being rejected or causing harm.
The use of metaphors, such as "haunt" and "free fall into a canyon," adds a sense of drama and intensity to the poem, emphasizing the speaker's emotional turmoil. The poem is written in a conversational style, which makes it feel intimate and personal. The final lines are particularly powerful, as the speaker's desire to protect the person and their fear of seeing them hurt is palpable.
In conclusion, your poem is a moving exploration of unrequited love and the complexities of human relationships. The poem is well-crafted and emotionally resonant, and it will likely resonate with readers who have experienced similar feelings of love and longing.
There really wasn't much I could pick up on to improve!
Keep writing
thank you for this review
This poem describes to beautifully a first love.
The confusion yet the clearness of how real and all consuming this love is.
You can feel by reading this the impact this person has on you.
It's amazing how through your poem you make us feel how It is to be loved by you.
How powerful your love is and how you put the other person first even though it causes you pain.
For example, in this sentence: "I would rather fall into a canyon than hear you crying,
my greatest fear is falling, tell me is this affection"
It is a very powerful poem.
Thank you
This poem describes to beautifully a first love.
The confusion yet the clearness of how real and all consuming this love is.
You can feel by reading this the impact this person has on you.
It's amazing how through your poem you make us feel how It is to be loved by you.
How powerful your love is and how you put the other person first even though it causes you pain.
For example, in this sentence: "I would rather fall into a canyon than hear you crying,
my greatest fear is falling, tell me is this affection"
It is a very powerful poem.