my crow-like feet and
stick figure legs reach
to a large problem
my intestines barely fit
inside this small coffin
my long arms can't hold
me far enough away from
this lumpy chest pencil neck
and head filled with worms
i'm tethered to a hornets
nest inside my chest
and a brain that sits
like a used sponge
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Canary word: Present
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125,027 Literary Works • 672,774 Reviews
Hey Gemmy! I hope that you are having a wonderful day! I discovered this lovely poem of yours while searching for some poetry and I’m so glad that I found it. Let’s not waste any time and let’s jump right into the review.
One thing that I wanna say, is that I love the unique style that your poetry has. You often use gruesome or eerie topics to describe some things so beautiful and heartfelt you’re able to capture these really deep emotions but using darker tone sometimes. You do a great job with poem, for example, describing how your intestines can barely fit inside a small coffin. I love the descriptive words that you use out and how you give us sizes and colors and shapes that allow us to really visualize some thing, but what we’re visualizing is actually just a metaphor or something so much bigger.
I actually really liked the lack of punctuation in this poem. He gives us such a straightforward yet personal feel I like how you listed multiple words without any commas or periods or anything at all this really allowed me to just sit back and read and interpret it on my own. my interpretation this poem really captures, looking at yourself in the mirror and not recognizing yourself at all or maybe only seeing a monster that you don’t want to see. These things are so horrific to yourself that others don’t even seem to notice which can be a really confusing thing.
Overall this was short and sweet and I enjoyed it thoroughly. Thank you for posting and I look forward to reading even more of your poetry in the coming days. Have a lovely day friend.
Your friend,
Ellie
Thank you for reading <3333
Hello! I am going to write a review for your poem.
Your title, 'Self Image', really interested me into reading your poem. I hope you don't mind but may I be vulnerable with you right now? As a person that struggles with self image issues, I can relate to your poem a lot.
'My intestines barely fit inside this small coffin', in some way or another I can relate to this line especially because as a girl I feel like I'll never be comfortable in my own body, let alone my own skin.
'A brain that sits like a used sponge' is also relatable too sometimes feel like that too.
Also your poem is giving off the vibe of the song 'What was I made for' by Billie Eilish, which is actually pretty cool ho you made me think of that song.
Last but not least, I don't know know if you did this intentionally, but I like how you made the poem look like the figure of a body. That is actually pretty genius.
I really liked your poem overall. Thank you for this read!
Have a good day/night wherever you are!
<3 Thank you for the review friend. I hope that self love comes for you swiftly. I understand self image issues though, as a guy who looks a bit feminine in shape and size its not a fun deal, but I relate to you a lot as well.
Hello! I read your poem and really wanted to write my thoughts on the piece. First, I want to thank you for having the courage to share your poetry online, it takes a lot to share that part of your mind with strangers who can pick it apart. I will begin with things I found favorable in my eyes before moving on to any suggestions (if I have any). Let’s begin!
is so creative and rolled off so naturally and actually made sense. The images throughout this poem is truly what makes this poem so well done, and it doesn’t feel stuffed, muddy, confusing, or forced. Even though the primary content of the poem is imagery, it works because the literal title of the poem is “self image”→ The title of the poem is what drew me in, specifically, “whats that thing in the mirror.” The use of the word “thing” immediately gives the connotation of personal disassociation, and a troubling perspective between the narrator and themselves, more specifically, their looks. I love poems that have this theme, as humans are so complex in creation and so many people struggle with their self image, especially with the pressure of the outside world.
→ Upon first look, the center structure of the poem looks really nice and fits with the short lines throughout. It gives a clean image and even looks like a figure almost, instead of it being all on the left margin which wouldn’t have a structure to make an image of.
→ Speaking of image… the imagery in this poem is so good! The line
→ The ending of this poem gives such chills down the spine (in fact, the whole poem does, but the ending is what sells it the most). The last 4 lines paint a creative image to match such a common feeling of what it can feel like to be a human and to study yourself with such a critical view.
→ Overall this poem is clean, creative, and really well-written and structured. The lack of grammar does not disrupt the flow, and the emphasis on imagery only strengthen the emotion of the narrator.
As always, keep writing and never give up on the things you feel passionate about.
- Lullaby *ੈ✩‧₊˚
Hello, my friend!
With this glum piece, you sure delivered in terms of horror, while also capturing the feeling of some peoples' struggle, or even complete inability to find anything beautiful in the mirror. Your mention of abstract images, like the hornets nest, head of worms, and brain sitting like a used sponge gives the reader something to think about in terms of symbolism, while giving us that eerie imagery promised by the genre. It really feels like, through using elements of horror, you convey a message -and that's awesome.
As I was reading, I thought your use of these lines was really powerful:
"my long arms can't hold; me far enough away from; this lumpy chest pencil neck"
The feeling that you're trying to push that image away, to put distance between yourself and your own reflection, is an abstract and beautiful way to portray the struggle and disconnect that -sad to say- so many people find relatable. That they may actually see a monster in the mirror. Great word choice there.
If I could make any recommendations, I wouldn't say anything about the content itself. It's very nice as it is. Structurally, I feel like the use of punctuation -or lack thereof- is an interesting style choice, but at some points, it kind of hinders the flow of the poem. Maybe you could add some commas, periods, or even semicolons where it seems like lines should end ("...reach to a large problem; my intestines barely fit..."). More crucially, however, I think you could break up the line "this lumpy chest pencil neck." Maybe you could say lumpy chest AND pencil neck, if you want to keep the less punctuated style, or add a comma between.
That aside, it was overall a great poem! Nicely done!
This is beautiful and terrifying. The idea of looking into the mirror and seeing a monster staring back - and the monster being your own self-image? Very real, and terrifying, for that matter. I love you distort the different parts of the body as the poem progresses, and refer to it as a coffin that is just holding different parts. Your rhyming scheme is very unusual, which works to the advantage of your message of your poem. Really cool!