The strong breeze interwove with my hair and started to dance, lifting my black curls to the sky. My face fell warm when the morning suns rays hugged it tight. The sky, a soft pink and royal blue, with a hint of lemon yellow and fire orange. Small clouds overhead cast down a shadow onto the lonely sand. The small grains of the beach crunched under my footsteps. Each time I move, the grains cramming to refill the space my footstep left open. The waves, a deep blue more royal than the brightest sky, washed up onto the shore in a rhythmic melody. Each giant wave, covered with a layer of white foam, sent bright white spray into the sky. Then, gravity goes to work and the small droplets of ocean water fall back to the sea.
I stood silently, swaying with the music of the beach. And yet, as I stood here I thought. Why, if I get to enjoy this beautiful, wonderful place, can I not forget about what I have done? I thought this is the kind of place you go for refuge, for peace, for tranquility? Or is it not? Because as long as I stand here, the worse the feeling inside of me gets until soon, I will just want to be free of it. Along with everything else.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,218 Literary Works • 673,046 Reviews
Cool. If you post other stuff up, pm me please!
Thanks, Hiadel. That is exactly the feeling I was going for. I wanted the place around the girl to be beautiful and yet not seem to fit to her mood. She is ashamed of something she did, but I do not know what yet. I am going to add this exerpt into the book I am working on at some point.
An interesting set of paragraphs. I really liked the descriptions because I could very easily set myself into the mood you were in when you started the transition into the second paragraph. In the second paragraph I kinda liked how it turned into a thing where you were feeling remorseful and ashamed of what you did. It's a nice contrast to how beautiful you painted the scene beforehand.
I love it! This is really well-written, but kind of depressing. I suggest you lighten it up a bit, but it's totally up to you. You have really good description, and you're also very talented.