The trees of the forests are old, their bark brown and rotting. I could almost hear them whispering histories past, stories of bravery and might, of secrets made in times long ago. The trees can endure anything, endure as they have for hundreds of years. The trees are sleeping. Only a tiny part within their bark can call upon the memories from time to time.
Who will listen?
Who will hear their tales of time?
The trees remember the meadows that used to be green, but now run red with blood from long forgotten wars. Among all that die, the forest stands, the trees are unmoving, rooted to the spot where they first were born.
They are not part of one time, but of many.
They stand proud as the darkness takes a hold of the world, and yet they do not fall. They are not frail. They understand the cycle, they believe in it, the cycle of the world is in their bark, and they know all its secrets.
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140,745 Literary Works • 673,685 Reviews
Hey, Emmy! Jash here to review as requested. My comments will be in pinkish font.
Hey, Emmy. You sure did try to use a lot of comma and unnecessarily extending sentences. I suggest reviewing the right usage of punctuations will do the trick. =))
Sorry if I couldn't be of much help. Personally, I was--let's just say--uninterestedly reading it. Hey, I'm not trying to be harsh. Maybe because I have no idea what's going on (reading that this is part of the 13th chapter in your novel, hey, that's pretty far from the start), but we will see how this will go. Keep writing! PM me if you want another review, or if you have any questions.
~~ Jash ♥
Actually, this is an excerpt from my thirteen chapter novel that is not posted here on YWS because I cannot figure out its name yet.
Interesting little passage you have here. It is well-written overall, but a couple minor things I noticed.
You need a comma between "past" and "stories" if I interpret this sentence correctly.
Consider changing the comma to a period, or inserting "and" before "only". As is it doesn't really make sense.
The first comma is unnecessary. "Long forgotten" should have a hyphen; however, it would sound more poetic if you inverted the word order to say, "...wars long forgotten."
That's all I found, though. Besides those things, excellent. It's quite deep and you used some good imagery. It's different, and I like it, despite being very short. It seems like it could be expanded and elaborated to include more, but it's fine.
Nice job.