The Apple never falls far from the tree,
which did not land on Newton's head.
He was my only love, the tree decrees.
***
And every day, I miss thee.
You blossomed, and were well-bred;
The apple never falls far from the tree.
***
O! How the seed longs to re-meet
the crimson-coloured bonds once shared.
He was my only love, the tree decrees.
***
So refined; the trunk screamed an eloquent scream.
For despite your riches, the bark bled.
The apple never falls far from the tree.
***
A dissimulated aroma flourishes from the seed,
Yearning to conceal the bark's dread.
But he was my only love, the tree decrees.
***
And now, through a tacky snow-globe, I meet
the friendly tree who is lonely, and well-read.
Oh! The Apple never falls far from its tree;
For he was my only true love, the tree decrees.
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
Hello! Valkyria here with a review! I hope you're having a wonderful day/night.
The villanelle caught my eye right away. I've been too scared to write one myself, but you've inspired me to read more of it! Your repetitions were strong and used in good effect. You followed the form well. There is beautiful prose and imagery throughout the poem. I can visualize each line. I also appreciated the themes of sadness and longing for the past.
My only critique is that some of the commas are awkwardly placed in the lines. Commas are meant to pause for a moment and put in dependent clauses.
For example:
These commas don't need to be there because it breaks up the sentences awkwardly.
This was a lovely poem. Well done!
Hello friend,
Thank you for sharing your poem. I think you have written a very interesting and creative poem, using the metaphor of an apple and a tree to express a complex relationship.
Your poem follows the form of a villanelle, which is a type of poem that has 19 lines, divided into five tercets (three-line stanzas) and a final quatrain (four-line stanza). The first and third lines of the first tercet are repeated alternately as the last line of each subsequent tercet, and then as the last two lines of the final quatrain.
You have done a good job of following this form, and using consistent rhymes and rhythms throughout your poem. Your poem also has a clear theme and tone, which convey a sense of longing, nostalgia, and regret.
However, there are some areas where you could improve your poem, such as some words and phrases that are vague and confusing, which can weaken the impact of your poem and make it diffcult to understand.
You should also try to keep each line roughly the same length, and each stanza the same number of syllables.
I hope you find this feedback helpful and constructive. I encourage you to keep writing and improving your poetry skills. You have a lot of potential and creativity.
Wish you have a wonderful day or night!
So sorry I am late to respond to this message; I just wanted to say thank you so much for your feedback. This has been instrumental to my writing and now, after revisiting this in a long time, I have made some necessary changes to it based upon your feedback. I hope you will find it more enjoyable and easier to understand