Corridors stretch and curb the ashes of Time
producing the vilest of disheveled voo-doo figurines
And worse still, those bleu-draped Swines
Pretend they teach, yet merely prance around with tambourines.
The Incorrect, they like to stare at fields so clandestine
Rejoice! The grandfather clock strikes three.
alas! The Swines have seized ye with bonds of clementines
And only if thou bend down and renounce thee wretched pleas
For nothing save an acceptable alias can ever deem ye cursed Free...
Second stanza
The last beauty, she rides upon a carriage adorned with shrines
remembering not but all the same; bitter-love remedies
Calloused hands, crimson-drenched robes, still cannot fly
Fastidiously elegant sent on trial for lack of decadence and Asbestine
"The fire, it scorches me," shrieks Methamphetamine
Her reverence cleanses the bitterest trees
strike, dear mistress; The Ringleader doth purge thee inner tendencies
And taciturnly liquidate the hides of treacherous bees
hithertho! Methamphetamine devoid of His guts and charm; now the misfit mistress
hurriedly, dandily, flees...
Third stanza
O! For none sounds so swell than a Minuet's chime
Her dear friend, how she craved, blessed by a jester's guillotine
Welled up like the ruthless rose, who could nought spare a dime
If only the Swines and their serpents, did not cut throats so pristinely
Instead establish a fruitless bond and unto cats multiply and breed
Her camel's cigarette billows; Marie Antoinette's death-entity
Tries to erase, naturally beaten; the Swines vaporised her cat-whistling reed
And now, wond'ring uselessly; her Beauty a decaying weed
Envoi
A stupid girl, a stupid boy, androgynous destinies
though first arriveth in thy house and engulf torrents of peas
Those futile swines and their hapless grotesqueries
Shroud every last conscious act, reduced to a Correct
praise thee! Cries Time; a heap of Rotwein fleas!
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140,089 Literary Works • 672,997 Reviews
The first part I imagine to be about feeling confined in school. The second part I think is about a girl returning to her hometown. The third part is what I think is the execution of the girl and her lover for being together. At least, that’s what I think. I enjoyed reading this ballad, it was written nicely.
I hope that you will have a beautiful day and night.
Hello there! This is loveissourgrapes and I am here to give your ballad a comment/review. This is also my first time reviewing a ballad and I never written one so, I hope that is okay with you too. I want to write a ballad too but I have never found the time to do it. But this ballad seems good for a first time writer. Since I do not know anything about ballads yet, I will just help you with the grammar and spelling errors. c:
I do not know if it is the writing style but the words with the first letter capitalized kind of makes me confused. The spelling of disheveled is wrong, it is just one L. The ending of the fourth line would be better if it had a period. In lines like:
"The Incorrect they like to stare at fields so clandestine"
"The last beauty she rides upon a carriage adorned with shrines"
They should have commas in between, "the Incorrect" and "they", and "the Last Beauty" and "she". The line, "Rejoice! The grandfather clock strikes three" should have a period. You misspelled the word, " trialed" as " trialled". ""The fire, it scorches me" shrieks Methamphetamine." Line, should have a comma between me and the quotation mark because it is a saying of someone. Some lines have the first letter in small letters, if you are sticking with all caps or lowercase, just stick with one. "Engulf" should be engulf because of the meaning of the line.
Over all, it was great to read. I hope this helps! Keep on writing! Have a wonderful day/night!