The predator who preyed on thyself
Prey have evolved into predators
Yet are warped, completely docile
Time has developed apathy,
towards these shallow-minded antipathies.
***
Fools overlook the immoralities within them,
Yet do not fail to dictate these to the rest;
with endearments of contempt.
***
As though they are omnibenevolent,
Never having succumbed to malevolence.
**
Tainting the virtuous with poison,
Whilst rewarding the cruel with Poisson.
Feeding their selfish bosoms,
Allowing their forbidden fruits to blossom.
**
Until the line between hope and despair,
Distorts, beyond eternal repair...
***
Perspective from a monophobe
Scoffing and wondr'ng the difference,
whether any sense, does not lead to dissonance.
Or avid confliction,
What harmful diction
Is ignorantly tossed at,
Those who ne'er viewed the world as white or black.
***
Those with vaulting ambition, either
Succeed or are submitted to demolition.
Shamefully proud; the cranes are here
To wreak havoc on thy constructed formulations.
***
And afterwards flock to the chapel of monophobes,
refusing to acknowledge the perpetual state of reality,
Simply creating buzz, like drones
For their biggest fear; to be alone.
***
Why conventionality hinders the mills
T'was if it were decided long ago,
Our fate, envisaged in lifeless stone.
That the search for moderation
Leads to nothing, save bitter isolation.
***
But even Tsarina I of Russia,
would not revel in such customs,
Of material prosperity, obtained
despite reluctancy to slave away, in arduous labour,
Just to provide nourishment, on the table.
***
Though clearly achieving nil;
For the tarnished, beaten mills still lull about
Aimlessly...
***
To sacrifice pain for eternal suffering
No more! We only crave more simplicity in our lives,
not complexity
Yet would I resort to such methods of personal betrayal,
if all my efforts were concentrated on easing them?
***
Yet these cursed mannerisms and blatant subtleties'
Warps my already neurotic delusions
And every attempt to revert to ye olden days
Fills my souls with defects
***
And with thee, it has no effect on thine hapless mantra of apathy
Though who could have foreshown, such forlorn little faces?
***
The Idles
Why, if all the blame were on thy self, indeed
Then every single deed
May well be explained by the Apostles’ Creed
Let His name prevail, and precede
***
Though there would not be an incentive
To venture closer
into the depths
Of Selflessness
For even if one followed the Messiah
Having banished all the liars
Merely to achieve a state of omnipretence
***
After reaching His Kingdom, there lies
a cloak knitted with the strands of fraying rope
***
The ends tainted with hypocrisy, and a bittersweet, crimson vial
Nothing remains of the Idles.
***
From those, who lost a hope,
which never was, and never will...
***
Nature's condolences to the Nobles
Is it true thou ist noble?
Trees are thine soul hope
All else leads to anarchy
***
With great anticipation
lies desolation
Thou hadst learnt to embrace light
***
Every volatile attempt
Nature takes and leaves
Crisp with bitter dew, blown where...
***
Sipping a flask of hatred
Melancholics' curse
Too late, the tree lied
***
To come of Age
Which age are we living in now?
Where the Parties have already decided long ago
That their fractured frames, already transferred unto
The most pristine Logo
Wearing it proudly, teeth bared, but still
Cowardly.
***
This decadent lifestyle
Seemingly tames the lions
“Why then mama, are they so... bananas?”
My dear, haven’t you noticed
Dopamine and McDonald's are potently trendy
Forget farming for drops of crimson
Already they have abandoned it
If thou hast neither, thou shalt ne'er become Ozymandias
For it is of utmost importance; conquer this Matrix
of a World.
***
“But what if I don’t want to?”
Then be prepared to live a fool’s daydream,
Neither optimism, pessimism, absurdism, etcetera
Or that crackpot’s whitlings shall ever assist you
And your compulsory participation in useless activities
For thine future is thy goal; forget about foals
***
I shall strike thee with thistles
and banish you to Bateman’s lair
If thou darest speak of such time-consuming affairs
***
Avant Garde! and exeunt
Your darling cousin is so affluent
And what of this?
My little darling reduced to piss
***
Needs to run, but cannot
For the toilet of Wasted Youth is nowhere to be found
O, what a wretched age!
***
The Hamster
Once upon a time, a millionth time more
I met an alien hamster; his hair not quite a bore
How strange; his glasses and mind were rather lopsided
perhaps got knocked down by the agents of mediocrity
And uniformity, thou hadst a little black book
Filled to the brim with grandiose ideals, merely adopted
***
They found his existence a terrifying ordeal
but whether he was the real deal or not, one could never tell
It seemed he was not quite so apathetic;
Unlike I, who intricately weaved it into a pretty set of gloves
Velvet, but not from the Underground, where that ridiculous hamster
Loved to reside, and succumb to his beloved philosophers
Schopenhauer would have been proud
Yet all he did was laze around in his self-made cage
I suppose he was well aware; to succumb is futile
***
But to try, however, was realisation
The world not even starring the role of Joker
Or the benefactress, benefactor
Neither an obsolete androgyny
Nor even slightly willing to indulge itself, unto
Our pathetic desires
***
You hapless fool, did you really believe?
Reliance on those far above mortal perception
***
Of course not. Thou hast chosen the righteous path
of subjecting oneself to farce
Which is how I found you, sitting with
Nobody, thine only companion
Foraging in the dark, just like I and me
***
The Fecundity of Reality
Submersing in this luscious fecundity of grass
Carefully trimmed, carefully mowed; who knew
That was even a thing anymore
Until one hears the cries of a soundless lark
Wailings, scritchings, though it flies
Sacre bleu! Transfixed unto a realess reality
Submersing in this luscious fecundity of grass
Carefully trimmed, carefully mowed; who knew
That even those sheltered trees could have been drilled into
Impetuous moralities; is it deceptless deception?
The lark sips hungrily at the fountain of misconceptions,
Submersing in this luscious fecundity of grass
Carefully trimmed, carefully mowed; who knew
Even the sky plummets, born anew
***
All for what?
Unfortunately, a pitiful plight dares to arrive
Dictated eternally for endless eons
Prescribed on the billboard in tacky neon
"We've got five years"
They say, followed by a mystical being
Quite beyond this world; He sneers
***
He hath witnessed with the curiosity of a cat
The predictable chiding of big people
Aimed to hack little people apart by the seams
Until the sheer tears and opalescence remains
Gushing streams of crimson
So flowing, becoming, graceful!
***
Futile attempts to comfort "the pretty little things,"
His omniscience and poetic flairs
Adequately reveal his popular affairs
How on Earth did they succeed?
Did not even originate from this planet, they decree.
Yet not even His transient grins
Can plaster their cracked conscience
***
All for one and one for none
That is the way, it is done.
***
Salvation for the Individual
In the name of Prophets, spread the word to thy Neighbour.
All concepts which were spewed out during the Voyeur,
though perhaps they were a nomad for my hangovers
Morality, ethics; meta physicality
Shalt pave the way, for technology,
Lethargy, hypocrisy, mediocrity
Salvation sought many times over.
Yet my only aspirations are to seek the cliffs
of Dover
And soar gracefully o'er the glittering ocean of shame
Is that all? My desires bedazzling in the cemetery of Fame
Nothing really matters, save the aftermath of Death
If that is so; what is left?...
***
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
Antipathy means a strong sense of dislike towards something. Despite getting honestly confused at the poem, I could feel sarcasm radiating through the pages and also the resentment one has towards a lot of things. You used a lot of big words that may have thrown off the reader. But personally, this is a depiction of how random and confused our brains can be when it is left to itself. I will discuss some of my favorite parts.
I'm not sure what Poisson is supposed to mean, aside from its common definition of being a statistical tool. However, this is a great contrast of how our world operates. More often than not, the good ones get pushed under a rug while the wicked prosper.
I believe this poem would have a greater impact if you made it straightforward, but I understand if this is your style of writing, which I would say is like what philosophers would say If they're drunk. (this is my personal opinion I hope you don't get offend
But this is probably the sum of the entire poem and I like how you phrased it.
I believe this talks about how blurred our standards have become. There is no absolute truth anymore as everyone has their own vision of truth. So if the black is right to one and the white right to another, what is the difference indeed?
Overall, this is certainly an interesting and thought-provoking poem. Do keep in mind though, sometimes simplicity says more than fancy words. Keep on writing!
This is alpacaboss, signing off.
Hey there! Love poems posted in the chicken genre category; so here to review!
First off:
^^ Saw this was your description - don't sell your work short! Half of poetry is making your audience believe you know what you're doing
This poem seemed in some ways to be like one of those challenges where you try to make a list of random words connect together, and by that I mean there were a lot of really large unusual words like "antipathies," grandiosities, omnibenevolent, frivolous, transcendence etc. that didn't always felt like they completely fit into the context of what was being said. I actually would be very interested in your writing process - because maybe that is what you did to write this is just start with a list of long words?
I think the sense aspect might benefit from some stanza breaks, but I also think it's possible that maybe you wanted the poem to be a little confusing / counter-intuitive and winding - so maybe the lack of breaks is okay - just depends on your intent!
Let's look at a few specific sections:
I really can't figure out what you mean by "Poisson" here - that'd be a new word for me - > according to google might refer to "fish" or a probability / statistics theory? Also the sentence "Fools .. do not fail to spell these to the rest" doesn't make sense to me either - what does "spell these" mean in this context?
using metaphor is a great technique to add interest - but you have to watch out for mixed metaphors where you create a contridiction within the metaphorical scenario. ie. "She went fishing for a bucket of love, but found the desert had dried everything up like a tornado" - interesting metaphors on their own, but mixed together they contradict. Here you have that too - a bosom... doesn't need to be fed? and I'm not sure the plural makes sense here either? would remove the word bosom and replace with something that makes sense in this context.
"whatis" should be "what is"
these lines make me wonder if your going for a sort of absurdist vibe with poem in an antempt to be more nonsensical.
The transition form contempt to simplicity is a hard jump, and then shifting into the Apostles Creed commentary it just gets very strange.
What is being said here? I'd tread very carefully using sacred texts or heartfelt theological creeds as fodder for nonsense poetry - if instead this poem is sincere rather than nonsense, I'm still not sure what's being said here exactly.
This feels like a mixed metaphor again - in both Christianity and Judaism, the primary religions that would use messianic language, I don't believe there is a tradition of anyone "becoming" the messiah, only being born / chosen as the messiah. The messiah in both Christianity and Judaism doesn't act upon their messianic destiny to enter God's kingdom, but to save the people. It feels like your using some loaded words here in contexts that their traditions wouldn't track with. If this is an absurdist poem, which again I'm assuming it is, unless you have a very good reason to be using religious imagery I probably wouldn't as it comes off a bit like appropriation.
"I shall strike you with thistles
And banish you to Bateman’s lair"
Was wondering if "Bateman's lair" is meant to be "Batman's" ?
Then you get into some different poetic references in the middle there... not quite sure what to make of the 1984 situation.
Not sure what exits are within Shakespeare and his "treacherous" poetry and writings. The Marx quote doesn't feel like it has much a connection to tie in t o the main themes so far.
So overall - I interpreted this as a poem meant to raise "interesting considerations" maybe to annoy, or disturb, or get people to google different big words - I think right now it is nearly impossible to follow any sort of central theme - but I think that is probably intentional. If you're going for a truly absurdist poem, I think I would recommend leaning into that a bit more and breaking this into several poems dedicated to these different various themes, or make a tighter more concise single poem that covers all these themes in quicker succession.
The poem right now is also I think is very head focused, it comes across as more lecture than a wave on a shore - I think a little more imagery would really boost the experience of reading even more. Imagery and action break up the philosophical explanations in the other parts and give those aspects room to settle.
Overall you certainly have an interesting word choice, that's a great asset for writing poetry! My main suggestions on this would be take out the religious imagery if you aren't using that for a specific purpose; as it's a distracting prop in the current use. And then the second suggestion would be trying to incorporat more imagery as needed.
Hope that helps!
alliyah
Hello! Thank you for your review, very detailed and helpful, and I agree with your points, especially the one about breaking this down into smaller poems (perhaps a collection?)
- one of my aims for writing lots of contradictory metaphors and not having a specific (but rather multiple) central theme(s) was to mimic the style of metaphysical poetry.
- "Poisson" means "fish" in french (I used it in this context, as a reference to the parable "feeding the 5000" and also to represent greed)
- probably should have proof read this more and included simplicity and more imagery (thank you for that great point)
- "Bateman" is a reference to the novel, American Psycho
- "feeding their selfish bosoms" was meant to be ironic in the sense that despite already having enough, people still want more, and only for themselves
- stanza breaks seem great, although I'm not quite sure where to put them
- I need to change my description
Overall, this was really helpful, and thank you for taking time to read this!
Oh - knowing the context of Poisson and Bateman, I actually really like those two uses. It's creative and tricky, I think you could draw out those references a tad more for readers to have more of a chance to "get" it - but I think it's clever. Breaking this into a more concentrated collection of smaller themed poems could be very interesting - would love to see that.
Thanks for sharing your poem - interesting read!