She caught my eye as she was standing a few spots ahead of me in line. She was a quiet kind of beautiful, the kind often looked over. Her brown eyes scrunched as she laughed delightfully at what her friend next to her had said, shining her white teeth. Her straight, long black hair swayed back and forth as she doubled over in a fit of giggles, shining when the light hit it just right.
I walked up to her, not entirely thinking, and asked for her number. She hesitantly gave it to me, giggling with embarrassment and her dark skin sporting a rosy glow. As I walked away, leaving what I was buying behind, I overheard them share a moment of joy before I disappeared from view.
Our first date was magical under the hanging lights at an outside restaurant. She nervously fiddled with her thumbs throughout the night, and I was surprised when she kissed me that night as I was leaving her on her doorstep. I guess she had always been the fearless type.
The night that I met her family, I remember telling her I love her under the stars in her backyard. I remember the smile that spread across her beautiful face, the sparkle in her eyes, and they way she kissed me that night. “I love you too,” was like the most beautiful music I had ever heard in my life.
That summer was full of adventures. We would drive for hours into the night, blaring John Mayer and speeding on country roads. One night, we pulled over around midnight and had a picnic under the moonlight. That night, under the stars, was the first night we made love. It was pure bliss, magical, extraordinary.
I remember the morning you told me you were pregnant, and although I was waiting to ask her to marry me until I had gotten her dad’s blessing, I got down on one knee right there and asked. She cried the prettiest tears of happiness and whispered yes a million times. I thought nothing could ever compare to that feeling.
It was perfect. Until the miscarriage.
The shriek from the bathroom, the sobs, the dread in my stomach. It was the second worst day in my life, aside from the day I lost her. It was so hard to find happiness in each other after that, although god knows we tried, nothing was working.
I took a deep breath in, looking at her in front of me in the line. I start to walk towards her, and our eyes met.
Maybe I’ll love her.
{excerpt from a novel i’ll never write 12}
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