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139,646 Literary Works • 672,640 Reviews
Reading this poem just made my day! I do not think your poem is cliche and neither should you, it is really good. I like how it is different because you put periods in between each of the stanzas. I also like how each stanza is very different talking about different topics. Good job i hope to read more of your work!
I'm glad that you loved it, mate!
Thank you!
Dear Mialynire, i enjoy your take here on how hope is a powerful weapon to use against the darkness. You have a really unique world view, as most people i know would think hope was a tool to help others with. You also have a few errors in your piece here. One error here is your punctuation. An example of this in your writing is "Hope is your strongest weapon best companion." You could better this by saying Hope is your strongest weapon, your best companion. Your wording could also use a little work as well. For an example, taking the phrase above that i quoted earlier, it would sound even better if you said, your most faithful companion, instead of your best companion. Overall, this is a nice poem that i enjoyed reading. Best of luck and keep writing! ^\/^
Ah yeah, o.o
punctuation, capitalization.. I'll try to improve on those issues. Thank you for your review!
Hello, Mialy, racket here to review your poem!
Okay, so here we have a motivational poem, yes? I like it, though yeah, it is a little cliche. XD I have just a few suggestions for you to make this poem if only a tiny bit better.
First suggestion! Okay, so you're poem is a little clunky and not as smooth as it could be. I believe your problem here is the questions. I know this is supposed to be motivational and designed to help the reader reach into themselves and discover the meaning of life etc. etc., but I think you could do this in a much more elegant way. Try not to keep stopping and starting the poem with all the questions and periods and punctuation. In poetry, we try to avoid those end-of-sentence punctuation, unless they're at the end of stanzas. Generally, commas are used much more frequently, as they help the transition between thoughts be smooth and gentle. The ending punctuation are hard to work into the flow of a poem because our brains are hardwired to stop longer for ending punctuation, compared to the subtle comma. So I would suggest trying to blend the questions together into a stanza of only one, or if needed, two sentences at most.
This example transitions nicely into my second point, which is that you have some large, kind of difficult words that also disrupt the flow of your poem. 'Utmost' is a bit unclear, 'vanquished' is a bit dramatic and doesn't fit too well. Other examples would be 'motherhood' or 'undeniable'. But it's mostly those first two. I would just look into your phrasing, as it can be a bit unclear at times and doesn't always fit well in context with the rest of the poem.
Third suggestion/observation: Your transition from the first three paragraphs to the last two is not smooth. It's kind of forceful, and changes the direction the poem was taking before almost completely. It's as if the first half of the poem was an introduction, and the second half is the main point, which is a forceful opinion in itself. Why is hope the most important? How does it help? How does it motivate you? What is it? What is its relationship with the weaponry or jewels of the first half of the poem?
Last suggestion of the day would be the capitalization of the first letter of every line. About half of your lines are capitalized, but it's either all are capitalized, or none of them are.
Well, that's it! Your transitions and phrasing need a bit of work, but other than that and the capitalization you're good. Nice work! I look forward to reading and reviewing more of your things and the future. Keep it up!
~racket
One of the most amazing reviews I've ever had!
Thank you! And capitalization, xD i kinda have my own way there but if it's not appreciated, i can of course change them. So, yeah!
XD It's your poem, you can do what you want. Your welcome!
Heya! Gravity here for just a quick review.
I really like the concept of this poem, I thought it was very positively oriented which is very refreshing compared to some of the more negative and sad poems on the website. Of course those are great poems too, but sometimes the same topics can get a little old, and you offered a nice refresher on how things can be positive.
I have just a few nitpicks. The first is that if you want to drop down just one line, hold down shift and then press enter. This way you can avoid the awkward looking dashes. The other is that you say hope a lot. You use very simple language which can make the language seem bland and unfeeling. I think that a great way to spice this up is to find synonyms for hope that touch you or speak to you. Or like simple words and phrases like "lost" or "scary paths" or "weapon".
Anyway, that's it for my review! Keep Writing
XOXO,
Gravity
Thank you for reviewing. Next time i write a poem, I'll surely try using stronger words
Heyo, MialyNire.
I think this poem should have a different title. It says "Your Weapon," but this poem is about hope. I understand how hope could possibly be seen as a weapon, but not really. Weapons are used to attack people, and hope is something filled with joy and knowing in your heart that something good will come. It's a nice word, eh? But a weapon, however, is not a positive thing. But I understand how you could use both a weapon and hope in a metaphor, but try a different word rather than a weapon.
And another thing I'd like to point out, is that this is an opinion. You say that hope is your strongest weapon, but hope can be misleading. You can hope for something, and it may never come. Therefore I think you maybe should've put a little more thought into this. Sure, this poem is grammatically correct and has pretty much no mistakes, but it's the idea of the poem that matters the most.
I hope you take my suggestions into consideration, and think about this in the future.
-xJ ♥︎
Thanks for letting me know your opinions
I know about the title, yes but i couldn't think of anything else o.o