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139,645 Literary Works • 672,640 Reviews
Ok, this is was really interesting! There was only two mistakes that I caught:
!
"Guests- asking me what my aim in life was."
I'm not sure why you putted the -. Was it a typo? If you meant it you should have done:
"Guests-asking me what my aim in life was"
With no space between "-" and "asking"
And:
"So, here's it is!"
You're literally saying " So, here is it is!"
Anways, I really like it
Thank you, I'm going to fix that!
Heyo there, friend!
Let me start by saying that I enjoyed reading this piece. Very efficient representation of one of youth's common problem. Although a lot of people other than teenagers may be going through that same dilemma, I read this as if it was a teenager narrating it. Hope that was what you were implying.
Any who, I really don't think I have much negative thoughts about this. But in Verse #6 when you say "With 'pilot', that..." I don't think that sounds right. I think you can come up with something better to write there. There's this other verse... The one that says "They expect so absolute answer" I think you can exchange that 'so' there. Other than that, I really loved it! (Read it three times)
Keep on the good work!
~Marde!
Heyo there, friend!
Let me start by saying that I enjoyed reading this piece. Very efficient representation of one of youth's common problem. Although a lot of people other than teenagers may be going through that same dilemma, I read this as if it was a teenager narrating it. Hope that was what you were implying.
Any who, I really don't think I have much negative thoughts about this. But in Verse #6 when you say "With 'pilot', that..." I don't think that sounds right. I think you can come up with something better to write there. There's this other verse... The one that says "They expect so absolute answer" I think you can exchange that 'so' there. Other than that, I really loved it! (Read it three times)
Keep on the good work!
~Marde!
Thank you for your review!
in that verse, i wrote it that way because of the previous line, if you read it again and connect the two lines, i believe it should make sense :3 
Reviews like yours motivate me to write more!
And, I'm really glad you liked it!
Hello, hello! RagingLive here to review your poem!!
I think that this was very sweet and even comical in some areas! I did find a few little nitpicks, so let's get started!
Placing a space before the hyphen would make this sentence easier to read.
This phrase was kind of hard to read and so I had to reread it a few times. Maybe if we rephrased it like this:
"Pilot, that I wanted to be a pilot"
Maybe even place the first 'pilot' at the very end of the previous phrase since this is more of a rhythmical poem instead of a rhyming one!
This sentence seems a little confusing and a bit long. Since you mention in the next line that you still said 'pilot' we know that it was 'still there' so let's edit:
"To be a pilot was not appreciate enough"
Your poem has sounded very professional up to this point, so I suggest changing 'gonna' to 'going to' just to keep up with that.
This doesn't make much sense at all. Maybe you meant to say:
"Thank the Lord, I finally have an answer!"
Since you have proper punctuation, keep in mind that you don't have to have the beginning of each separate phrase capitalized. This, however, is ultimately up to you.
I deal with such questions a lot, which is why the quote above is my favorite of you whole poem. If this is a sample of your writing, I definitely want to see more.
Keep writing and keep on smiling!!
~RagingLive
Hello there, thank you for reviewing and pointing out the errors. I'm going to fix some of them. And, oh, that line "With pilot" I wrote it this way because of the previous line. See: "Mum taught me to answer WITH pilot."
So, yeah, my structure is sometimes confusing. Pardon me for that! I appreciate your review!
Glad I could help!!