Young Writers Society

Hi there, I'm here to review your poem~
Well, it turns out I have read this before but didn't review. Why ;-;
Okay, first I'll start with the good stuff.

Ermahgerd I love the ending. Not the best out there but you... you just made me laugh with that ending. I don't know why. I'm probably a bad person. Future security. The mom cracks me up xD Well, I have a terrible sense of humor.

I somehow disagree with the first person who reviewed saying things about the italics. It is his own opinion, and I do understand where his reason lies, but for me, it's okay. Good for me because the dialogues are kind of like this flashback and italicized words really set the tone.

Good job on this poem, I think you really did well, and dialogues are the best thing about it. Your dialogues say a lot about the people in the poem and I love that.

I don't have much to say anymore because I think the other reviewers did that already, so I must conclude that this poem was satisfying to the point where I started to think about life differently. Future security. *cracks up again*

So, that's all I can say, happy writing~

Hi mialynire!!!!!

i love your poem.

You have an excellent use of words and you built up a poetic conversation structure smoothly. the content is near adultish but gives a sense of the first hand love experience that young adults face. i know a lot of people misunderstand the concept of love. others are in conflict with love and beauty or love and riches. your poem shows how people make promises and not keep them or can be two faced and forget their actions and sayings in the past. their is an elegant flow of words and style and reading it i feel a lot of passion and commitment has been put to this.

good choice of words. especially about future security. it is something that most women wish for. there were a few up and downs but i think you know them already from the other reviews so i won't repeat myself.

all in all it was a good poem conveying a some what of a satirical aspect of life.
keep up the good work!

I really, really enjoy your writing style along with your ability to integrate verbal quotations smoothly. Your talent shows through in this peace; I can tell this by the way I, as a writer, can interpenetrate the piece in so many different ways. I see passion and personal experience come through in this piece; the flow seems very natural and undeveloped which brings the piece to a higher level of excellence

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keep writing - bridgetavc

Hi jessiebear hear. Mialynire I love the poem it is was very dramatic at the beginning, and I love dramatic things. So I love it well don Mialynire.

Hi,
Nire, we meet again, aye?

**Revving up for review**

I love the twist here.

I think this is an NA story-like. (NA stands for Near-Adult.) So much for love life after hard works, she disbanded these hard work and grabbed the superior. It is not a bad thing to do, honestly, especially now. Future security, huh? Good choices of words. I like it.

Okay, I did hate something here.

Firstly, about these italicized words for dialogues. Don't! Don't do this to me! Italicized words mean a lot to me. They represent a calm tone, in my opinion. Of course, it is the mechanic of a language. I want you to reconsider about using normal style for these poor dialogues? Pretty please?

The title is rather good. It sounds like a comedy-such. I don't know why, don't blame my ears. The title is cheesy and as I said, good. It brings an image on how to perceive this poem. A thing to say, I don't like the sound of "love" in the title. Try avoiding the love word, I'm now bored of it... And that's happened too with other people. 'kay?

**Start!**

Again, about your choices of words.

All of them are simply simple and matching the theme perfectly and created a tone for the speaker. Bombing us with words like Hawaii, cafeteria, BMW and so forth. They are lovely. However, to constantly using these kind of words are difficult. Your poem got a consistence mood, like in one part, it is serious, in other part, it is cheesy, and in other part, it is gloomy. Remember that a poem isn't a novel. Even a short story focused on one theme mostly. This applies for poems. Try to match all the moods into something that'd give an impact. Try to be consistence...

****

Next,

So much spoken words! Dialogues are good to have along. But rather putting a bunch of useless words together, simpleness is better. In novel, we are warned not to put many dialogues that won't move the story on. That is novel, a big book filled with words and pages. But what about poems, a single poem. The rule will be more strict. I agree that dialogues are raw and honest and filled with lies. Too much honesty will cause a crack on the Earth.

****

Lastly,

Cliche in poems?

Okay, when I read this, I feel like hearing one of the famous BROKEN-LOVE songs by Taylor Swift. Gosh, Taylor Swift got an interesting eye, and try to act like her eye would cause fatal things. Not that I hate cliche, but cliche is hate-able. Try to be more unique. Love story is hard thing to do, that's why I hate making romance.

**Ending The Review**

Overall, good thing to read once in a while.

Keep writing!

All the best~

~Memo

P/s: HONEYMOON!

Hi! Sarah12 here to review.

First off, this was AMAZING. I love this kind of writing, and it really holds true.

Next, I was just wondering: the dots between stanzas? Was that supposed to be for aesthetics, or was it just to separate stanzas? Because I found if you just want to separate stanzas, just type a line of spaces in between. (I don't know how to officially do it; I learned it a while ago but totally forgot it).

Also, I love how you actually narrate the dialogue; you don't really see that often, and it empowers the poem a lot.

Anyways, again, this was simply amazing. Keep writing! I can't wait to read more of your works!

Sarah12